confessions of a webcam whore: that's not what i want

i've become obsessed with my webcam. i'm not new to it by any means, a freak like me utilizies the tools, but now it's turned into a monster...per say.

i decided to be more aggressive with what i wanted and what i wanted to see, and i wanted this experience to be different than the one i had with the bus driver, who by the way freaked out that i had posted our little tryst. we had some words and i said good bye, deleted him from my contacts and my phone. he still tries to get me back on, and get me off. i tell him to go call his girlfriend...lol.

anyways, where was i? oh yes, here's a snippet of what transpired.

"i hear you mama, so wat chu doin now, should i go to wal-mart get a cam
and we play show and tell?"
"no, you can get a webcam so i can see u jack off"

this must have made his day, because he has been trying to get me in his bed for a few years . i've never been interested in sleeping with him, so what possessed me to use him like this i don't know. and frankly i don't really care.

"y don't u jus cum watch in person n i watch u?"

see what i mean? lol.

"i wanna see you jack off on webcam. i wanna be a silent voyeur"
"oh yeah wat will dat do 4 u?"
"it will turn me on"
"am i gonna watch u 2?"
"nope.... that's the beauty of it"
"so what am i gonna get? i need sumthin 2 get all turned on n in da mood"
"what do you normally use?"
"a female, sum kinda stimulant c sum pumpum imma go get da cam, sho me ur pumpum on urs n that should work"

it baffeled me that someone averagely creative (he's trying to be a rapper), can't use his imagination to jerk off. i was becoming unimpressed quite quickly.

"lol.... no. that's not what i want"

i wasn't really laughing, i was more annoyed with his fingers sending messages to my phone.

"i am tryin 2 make it work in ur favour u gotta help me"
"i know what works in my favour..... i want to watch you..... not the other way around"

why am i continuing to explain myself? i'm using you for my own sexual pleasure, don't ask me any questions, just do what i asked for...shit man.

"i'm not sayin watch u, i need u 2 send sumthin or sho sumthin i can go off of"
"sigh"

sighing because, what the hell? you've jacked off before, just do it already. i've dried up and i don't even want to see ur umnimpressive dick anymore.

all of that for some hood, and to tell you the truth when he did jack off for me (after showing him some titi to shut up his whining) it was soo boring i found myself switching back and forth from different windows. cleveland indian, you had your chance and you failed miserably.

on second thought maybe i was too harsh on him, too cold too calculating. maybe i should be more nuturing, and not see him as a sexual object. but for someone who claims to 'know' how to please a woman, i wasn't too pleased.

.kisses.