late night ramblings on truth

>> 12.30.2009

i love truth, and honesty. as you can tell (if you are a regular reader), i try to be as honest with myself as i can, which is a big feat for me, because as i stated before i am not a very honest person.

i really am not. i can tell a lie like no one's business, and more often than not i get away with it too. but life has a funny way about it, and a few years ago, i decided to embrace honesty. and i've embraced it to the fullest. it hasn't been easy (let me tell you), but this is one time when my stubborness works in my favor. and the reason for my turn around is this... i was accosted by the truth.

and the truth was this... 'when you come in contact with something you deem to be true, you are now accountable to that truth'. there it is was. so simple, so big, and so life changing. let me break it down so even my blonde self can fully grasp it... when i hear something or realize something that my soul (my will, my intellect and my emotion) agrees with, i am now held to that truth, and i have to make a choice whether or not to live my life denying that truth, or embracing that truth.

if for my whole life i was taught that the sky is red,
and one day i wake up, look to the sky and i see the
most wondrous velvet blue, and my soul
(will, intellect and emotion) identifies that the sky is blue,
i now have to decide, 'do i live as if the sky is still red,
or do i embrace the truth and live as if it is blue'.

these are a few truths that i have come across for myself...and what i now live my life by.

truth #1 : happiness must always be the bottom line. i see people living miserable ass lives, just because they compromised on their happiness, and i determined within myself that happiness will always be my goal. at the end of the day, i must can look at my life and fall asleep content. anything else is not an option.

truth #2 : words are life and words are death. everything that comes out of our mouth carries a tag, and can help us succeed, or bring us failure. words hurt more than stones, and words heal more than medicine. i have to be so careful what comes out of my mouth, knowing me you will come to realize i can be horribly, bitingly sarcastic, and i love to tease people... but even in jest words can do a lot of harm...i hate that truth!

truth #3 : the word friend has lost it's meaning. we don't even know what a true friend is, or the responsibilites it carries. when i find a friend, i only call them friend after i've fallen in love with their spirit.  and i love to fall in love with people's spirits, it's such a beautiful thing, because when you are tied to someone's spirit, the bond is that much stronger and more fulfilling. and it will come to be known that i am fiercely loyal... maybe annoyingly so...idk.

truth #4 : say what you mean, and mean what you say, everything else is just verbal diahhrea. you can drag your hand through it, trying to find some substance, but it will just be a pile of brown (or green)  watery shit in your hand. hence my quest for honesty... liars fail at life with this.

truth #5 : advancement and liberty can breed ignorance. not everything is a right. we have mistaken privilages for rights, and sometimes we need to shut the hell up and sit down.... children suing parents for grounding them from their 'toys' and the courts ruling in the rotten kids favor..what bloody the hell on earth?!

truth #6 : no one has life easy. many people like to believe that some people have life easy, so they can justify their crying of rivers. everyone goes through crap, life is unfair to everyone, mansion or street corner, we all go through something. sometimes i need to talk about it, as a therapy or as a means of encouraging someone else, sometimes i need to shut the hell up and move the hell on.

truth #7: someone, somewhere around the world is doing, thinking, pondering the exact same thing you are. this baffles my mind everytime i think on it. i am not alone, we are not alone. when i cry, someone is crying along with me, when i am happy, so is someone else...when i am getting the best head of my life, someone will be cumming along with me (had to throw that in there). we are never alone.

truth #8 : God does not put up with fuckery. very rarely do i talk about my past life, and i have my own reasons for that, but i grew up in the church, i was basically born at the altar, i was even getting ready to go into full time minstry, so when i do talk about it, i know exactly what i'm talking about. it pisses me off, when people act like God is a damn idiot, like he's grinning all up and down your shit. news flash, he's not, and as much as that is not my life anymore, i know better than to act like me and God are batty and bench, and go disrespecting him, acting like a damn fool. and i'm not going to hide behind the all too played out "don't judge me" crap, because truthfully if my actions do not match up with my words, someone should call my ass out...hence truth#4

truth #9 : love conquers all. i am a hopeless romantic, who has had her heart broken many times, but i will always believe in love. the love of life, the love of endurance, the love of awareness and self acceptance, the love of peace, joy and happiness, the love of believing. love conquers all.

the truth hurts. it has hurt me many a times, but only because it has challenged me to grow up, to change the way i think and to enhance my quality of life. so pursuit of this life, i will continue to embrace honesty, truth and the challenges that come with it. and really, i love the velvety blue of this sky much better.



my week in texts

>> 12.27.2009

: he broke her neck, he back flipped on her f'n face like who does that?...and the dj said 'she ras dead drown, dat look serious'. wow never ever before.

: wowww!!! i just took in your text about good sex. lol, you and your twitterholics don't have any sense.

: yeah, she's still a virgin, and i know when she bruk out, she's gonna be out there.

: do i get to unwrap you?.......ok, just lemme know when you figure out that tree is fake and you want real pine. <--- really? 3in dicks shouldn't talk about real pine

: turn on your webcam, let's play.

: i will eat it off your chest..... i do wanna play again though.

: ya, he's the type to lock something down quickly. i'm not up for that right now. i'm commitmentphobic lol.

: um ye, but i'm disgusted with him, i think back to his antics and i want to vomit.

: hail no! you will not catch me dead amid the stupid ass people that think they're getting such a good deal. damn fools.

BONUS text convo between myself and bus driver

dec 25 1:35am - 2:29am

" i guess you found a new dick to please you"
"ummm, who is this?"
"wow and you erased my number too, nice"
k***? why the randomness? it's 1:39 in the morning..."
"thoughts of your sweet pussy woke me"
"lol... you haven't had my sweet pussy for a couple of years"
"but i've seen her drip"
"true.... you have. but you have other pussies to drip for you"
"just like you and your other dicks"
"i only have one dick"
"let's be real, you don't want to date me, but need a man to fuck you good when you need it. i'm that guy. these guys you keep fucking do nothing for you"
"k*** you just hate knowing someone else is fucking me.
you only want my pussy cause someone else has it"
"no, i wanted it before"
"sigh... you're right. i don't understand why though...
you have pussy all around you"
"it's your's i want. to me, it could be the best i ever had"
" lol.... i highly doubt it. i know what's going to happen,
if you get it, you're gonna bounce (again)
"stop with that me bouncing stuff. i wanna beat it now and for a very long time after"
"sooo, what do you want me to say k***?"
"do you wanna see me unwrap my dick?"
"on webcam?" <--- i'm hoping this was drunk texting
and he fell asleep.



cocktales and goodbyes

>> 12.26.2009

continued from pink lips and goodbyes, read it here and follow the colors

his eyes immediately light up, as his dick jumps up to meet my mouth. we both laugh breaking the comfortable silence that had settled. my nails follow the wet line of my tongue, etching this memory forever into his skin, sharp inhales signal to me that i’ve dug too deep, i smile. hovering over his dick, i pause and take a deep breath inhaling the sweetness of his manhood, i bury my face into the patch of hair adorning it, and his body trembles with anticipation. i kiss him. soft, light pecks on the tip of his head causes it to jump. i kiss him again, this time with a little texture. swirling my tongue around his pink sensitivity, i proceed to nibble it like the chocolate delight it is “how many licks until i hit the cream” i wonder to myself.

lick. lick. lick.
stroke. stroke.
longggg stroke.

tight stroke.
not forgetting the good part of any chocolate bar, i continue to stroke as my mouth pays attention to his nuts...

ass pushed up in the air. perky boobs barely hanging anywhere. i’m a slave to the creation lying before me. the septor in my mouth, i look at him, his face less than serene begging for me to suck his dick. i straighten up, exposing my golden skin to his hungry eyes, his fingers caress my navel as i release my curls from its band. gazing at him, i hold the brown longing in his eyes with mine, as a drop of spit falls purposefully from my lips onto his dick. i give him what he wants. groans, and deep breaths escape from his throat, his hands pulling at my curls, his dick loving the sweet wetness of my mouth. up and down, i use my hands to stroke his shaft as my tongue invades the tip of his dick, pushing my tongue into his hole, his leg begins to tremble...uh uh hun..not happening yet, i slow down, and proceed to make love.

eyes fixed on my pink lips covering his chocolate, he mutters "look at your lips. i love your lips on my dick" his hands, strong yet trembling turn me around so he is gazing at the length of my body, i knew what he wanted. cocking my ass, and spreading my legs i make preparation to receive his fingers, oops.. my pussy juice dripped onto the bed. his hands begin to caress me, and then.... “ouch! damn it!”, my skin red and stinging welcomes his smacks, and kneads, and swirling my ass in the air, i create the rhythm his fingers fuck to. my mouth speeds up, sucking the tip, i pull a trick i think he’s never had before and his gasps tells me i’m right. “what the fuck?” he said as his eyelids fluttered, i laughed.

on intervals, i suck and nibble, his body tensing and relaxing on my whim while i tricked his ass out, “okay, okay, i’m reacting”. i pause to take a breath and he siezes his chance, standing up he thrusts forward, fucking my mouth, and between soft teeth dragging and my tongue, i blow him out. hand fast in my hair, his grip tightens as he continually pushes to the back of my throat. fuck! i’m gagging, he smirks. hands still entangled in my hair he tips my head up “come up and kiss me, i want to cum inside of you”......



'tis the season

>> 12.24.2009

‘tis the season, for bustle, hustle, gifts, food, family, friends, and love.

i’m not one to celebrate christmas as it is widely celebrated and accepted, it’s been about 2 years since i’ve stopped, but that doesn’t mean i don’t find joy in the happiness of the season.

so in celebration of this joyous time, i hope for you all joy, peace, happiness, awareness, kisses, affectionate glances, cake, icing, hope and laughter. may faith and trust find you well, and may you strive to be different from the norm and create your own traditions with those you love.

that is what i love about the seasons of life, we are able to make our own traditions, to veer of the path and be unique in our celebrations. i don’t celebrate christmas, but i indulge in the giving, the loving, the selflessness, the pride, the passion and the hope of the season. i indulge myself in those around me daily which on one hand takes away from the special-ness of the time, but on the other hand it adds to it...uhmmmm...weird.

kisses to all of you, enjoy the pain of a long held smile on your face and eat some ice cream (and rum cake)for me.

'if you have something to do, someone to love and something to hope for, everyday becomes a celebration'


pink lips and goodbyes

>> 12.21.2009

‘yeah come over’
‘ok, i’ll be there soon’
7:33pm i lock my house door
8:15pm ‘baby, i’m here’

warm almost hot shower drops rain down on my body as he stares at me “why are you looking at me like that” i ask, with a touch of attitude, covering up my uneven breasts. his hands, which bring me soo much pleasure time and time again pulls my shy insecurities away. ‘can’t i look at the body i love?’ eyes full of care gaze at me and settles on my full, now swollen lips ‘baby, your lips are so pink, i bet no man other than me can get them that pink’ the pink fullness parts and before devouring his perfectly formed lips, i shrug ‘i love a good kiss’.

‘honey can you stop being difficult for one minute and let me just fuck you, damn’. i had just walked in from the cold, and already we were arguing. i met that remark with silence. i’m mad at him for some stupid female reason, he sees me pouting, knowing full well it’s because i really don’t want him to leave. ‘you know what? stay there, i don’t want to fuck you anymore’ his tipsy ass falls on the bed and i make my move. ‘i didn’t drive my ass all the way here to not get fucked!’ i demand. stripping off my clothes, swiftly but seductively, i climb on the bed hoping he notices i wore his favourite bra... ‘get off of me’ he declares. i bite down and leave my mark.

his hands, rubbing my breasts as the shower washes off all scents of our separate lives, strokes me into relaxation. tonight for these few hours we will smell only of each other. hugging, caressing, moaning as i rub soap all over his body, fingers lingering over peaked nipples, his hands find their way to my ass as he cups them and holds me close. shower water annoyingly gets in between the mingling of our skin, the shower water is no longer welcome. i tip toe, kissing his dick with my pussy lips, ‘taste i ok?’ i ask, as i rub my right breast on his chest

i manoeuvre my small hands around his frame stripping of his clothes, there is nothing sexy about my prowess at this point, and i’m okay with that. my skin is yearning his skin without excuse. finally he’s naked, goosebumps rise on my skin as i glance over his perfection. i hold his hands so he can’t touch. me, on top grinding against his growing manhood, thick and juicy, curved yet perfect. me, nibbling, sucking, biting, horny, anticipating his entrance, hot. me, thirsty. ‘baby, can you get some ice please?’ me, watching him walk away, knowing that he’ll be back.

his mouth opens as he tongues the spot right by my collar bone. his lingering sigh tells me i’m ready for his sex. ‘grab the brown towel’ i reach for it and step out the bathtub, my clumsy ass almost falling out, and drying myself off, i walk towards the bedroom. once inside, i reach for my lotion, he eyes me ‘put that down, you’ll be moist in a bit’. with eyes never leaving my body, he anchors his hands around my waist and guides me toward his bed, lit up by one solitary bulb.

two ice cubes clink together in a wine glass, i straddle him once again and slowly finger the ice cube while talking to him with my brown eyes. the moment the ice cube touches his skin is one i replay even now. his face tells me all i need to know. i float the ice cube over his left nipple, and hungrily lick it off knowing he loves that shit. the trail of my kisses follow the cold tease to his right nipple and his fingers seek for relief. i remove his neediness from my pussy as my pink lips nibble, suck and lick their way to his chocolate delight.....



my week in texts (and msn)

>> 12.20.2009

: the cheesecake's gwainin right now. tell me something sweet you like to eat ;)

: the recession has served notice at my house, bully beef pasta sauce and spaghetti lol....

: she's soft like on another level, and like i said if she saw hood she would grab her stuff and run to the nearest battered woman's shelter and seek mental help.

: hey where are you? when are you coming home? can you please get me some ice cream? <---from my younger sister....she called me 55 times...i have no words.

: good to hear you're better now...i'm good. so what's new?...when we goin link, i miss your company.

: woman's sex prayer ** as i lay him down to fuck, i pray he rips this pussy up, but if his dick is small and weak, lord i pray this man can eat. amen!**

: hahahaha amazingness, i told char i'm getting it tattooed on my back. <-- re: the previous text..i luv this chick!

: you get so wet, she would enjoy eating you. and would you go down on her?

: you were honestly the most arousing lover i ever had. i miss our encounters alot. i still fantasize about you.

: i actually do like you, and would like to have a chance to kick it. it would be inspirational for your art i think...a new perspective. <-- my former ex asking me to visit him in korea.


*tearing* thank-you for loving my blog

>> 12.19.2009

a few days ago i was given the 'i love your blog' award by cook.the.poet, da_kween, and tha unpretentious narcissist, thank-you very much for loving my blog, it's humbeling and it makes me smile. kisses to all of you! please check them out, they are all insightful, great writers and hilarious!

also vincia @ mochasister has given me her own 'i love your blog' award. a big kiss to you hun! thank-you very much for loving my blog.

so because i don't follow that many blogs yet, i will pass on one and keep the other one for another time.


it's funny, i really wasn't expecting the award i created to come back to me, but it did.

thank-you cook.the.poet, and t-charry for peeping through my windows and loving what they see! kisses to the both of you! if you have not creeped them yet,you should do so, they are too very different bloggers who both have something to say.

i'm only going to pass it on to one blog this time though * trey anthony * (for my canadian readers, she's the mastermind behind da' kink in my hair )

8 things a voyeur / peeing tom will catch me doing.

* sleeping : because i am a chronic insomniac, and have been for a good number of years, i molest sleep whenever i can get it
* masturbating while watching girl on girl porn or while reading a few of the naughty blogs i follow: i have no more words...
* watching tv, or movies : i am a confessed tv and movie addict
* talking on the phone : kween says 'you sound like white girl'...and she's not lying. lol
* texting, and sexting : i have many addictions
* webcamming and sexcamming : not so much anymore cause my two regulars were being pussies and i cut them off
* blogging : i love it.
* reading : i'm not the book worm i use to be, but i still try and read a lot.

kisses to all my readers, those who comment and those who just creep from afar.... it continues to baffle me, but i won't question



today is the day for great sex

>> 12.18.2009

a few weeks ago on twitter (truthfully it could have been a few days ago, because twitter time makes real time look weird) the trending topic was #in2010. and as most trending topics go, i was being my smart ass self, (#in2010 i will have more great sex often....i promise), but i had a moment in which it caught me and really made me think.

what if 2010 never comes? what if i am the unlucky bugger to choke on my apple pie and ice cream? (yumm). all my big dreams and aspirations for the stroke of midnight and beyond will never come true. damn it! i want to have great sex more often now!

#in2010 i will say more of what i want to and not care about the response
expectations suck! #in2010 i will live life with no preconcieved notions. whatever happens, be it happiness or pain happens.
.......#in2010 big dicks only!
#in2010 i will still not go to the gym
#in2010 i will have more sex in public places


why wait until i kiss a lover or a random stranger amidst tears, laughter and flowing alcohol to take a new direction in my life. what about today? these few days before new years are just as good as any to live and live life more abundantly. that is something i took from my christian upbringing, to live life to the fullest every day, because you may not be blessed with a tomorrow. yeah some people need the added motivation of something to look forward to, something to push towards, and i get that, and being the natural encourager i am i will be there helping them push, but for me, i need to look forward to today, today i will say more of what i want and not care about the response, today i will live life with no preconceived notions, today i will accept big dicks only. today i will apply my mottos of life, because today is worthy

i am determined that 2010 will not be my starting point, it will be my continuation. anything i want to change, add, delete, or enhance, i will do that today, because living an abundant life is not waiting for the big bang, it’s not waiting for permission to start over, it’s taking each minute as it comes and living the shit out of it.

and that moment, the moment in which my smart ass self settled down and pondered, is exactly the moment i needed. i’ve allowed myself to get so lazy since i lost my job, when i know i have things to accomplish, dreams to live out and places i want to go, and i could wait until the stroke of midnight to start, but today looks too damn good to pass up.

life motto: i have dreams. but my dreams aren't worth shit unless they become my reality. i have fears... damn right i have fears! but my fears propel me to make a fool of my insecurities. life is not life, unless life is lived. fuck my fears, i'm gonna live! dreams, meet my reality

‘ live the greatest number of good hours is wisdom’ ralph waldo emerson



TMI blog award: spreading the love

>> 12.15.2009

100th blog post! *yayyyyy*

I’m big on celebrations! I try to celebrate every major and minor occurrence in my life, which is why i had to celebrate my 100th blog post. these past couple of months have been tres interesting and i’ve loved every minute of it. i’ve evolved before my very own eyes and i’m glad i pushed myself to do this.

so, in pondering how i would celebrate this milestone, two weeks ago i decided to show my appreciation to my favourite bloggers (who i visit all the time to get my fix), for allowing me to explore my voyeuristic interests.... expanding the definition from the sexual to include the real, the vulnerable, and the honest.

Thank-you all for doing what you do, and for allowing us and especially me a peek into your life and into your mind.

TMI blog award rules

*post the award on your blog
*list 8 things a voyeur / peeping tom could potentially catch you doing if   
  they were watching you
*award up to 8 bloggers who match the criteria this award
*make sure they know you enjoy peeping through their windows



my week in texts

>> 12.13.2009

: you like the control, i like being the victim.

: what is it that i do? you said you wanna creep, u wanna just show up, these are your tell me what i do wrong, so i can do it right.

: mel just got let go cause she's a whore....i mean that in the literal sense....ya! at the christmas party she got tanked, and some dude from the 8th floor had his hand up her dress, only for the entire christmas party to see.. ya, she's engaged and buddy is married! lmao

: someone showed me i joke around with you too much, that's why you're always rampin with me...for real that's what we're doing. i'm not giving you the chance to flop by asking you, so wednesdays we're chilling sexy.

:.... one of my people who said they hope you and me patch everything up, cause we look good together, and some other shit, it was a G not one of the mans...

: lol, she's just dying to get married and have her own family, she said her rope is dwindlin lol, who says that shit? 'dwindlin' that was the best.

: i'm hungry and half asleep but excited, looking forward to see ya.



sex tips#1: men take one for the team and have some sex!

>> 12.10.2009

A big kiss to all who voted on the poll, it was interesting to see your thoughts on this subject. I will keep the results up a bit longer. MUAH

for majority of us with vaginas, when it comes to aunt flo we feel we have an excuse to whine, bitch and complain about everything named life. for a smaller number of us, when it comes to aunt flo our lustful nature increases and horniness takes over. i’m talking jump on a random joe and traumatize his johnson horniness. now what this jekell and hyde act does to the men in our life makes me sometimes wonder why they stick around the other 3 weeks of the month.

yet in spite of that, only 7 out of the 15 people who took the poll have had sexual intercourse during what my mom calls the ‘menses’, and only 2 of them have claimed to ‘love that shit!’. i however am not one of the two, i am one of those women whose horny level doesn’t jump that far up during my period, because truthfully I’m horny all the time. as for the red sex, it’s not that great to me. i’ll do it, if my man wants to, but I can do without it. (who am i really kidding).

historically, sex during the menstrual cycle has been seen as taboo because we were taught that the blood is dirty, nasty and unclean. last year, I brought up this topic to the horror of my mother and her response was ‘eww nasty’. like many things, society, tradition and gross misconceptions have told us what we can and cannot do. sex during aunt flo’s intrusion is not only normal and a part of a healthy sex life but if done safely, carries benefits.

men, if your woman complains of cramps, forgo the massage and have some sex.

sex during her period can actually cure the dreaded cramps. cramps are caused by prostaglandins in the uterine lining, which produce the contractions that move the menstrual blood out of the uterus, so when she hits her orgasm, and starts speaking in tongues the excess prostaglandins get used up due to the natural contractions an orgasm brings, which can also aid in kicking aunt flo out of the house sooner. and who doesn’t want her red ass gone? lets do the math... sex + orgasm = less bitching, whining and complaining.

for those of my freakier people, don’t let the red sauce deter you from pleasuring or getting pleasured the old fashioned way. there are products such as dentals dams (which also come flavored) and the good old condom to aid in oral sex. (i can just imagine the faces getting screwed up right now) LOL. i actually had an ex tell me he wanted to ‘chew on my bloodclot’ comment!

in any case, sex during the ‘menses’ needs to be done safely, always wrap it up! it is blood and it will carry std’s, don’t let no one use that ‘you don’t trust me’ shit, you can’t see trust when you're itching your crotches like a fool. also although high unlikely, it is possible to get pregnant, so once again wrap it up!

so freaky fellas and lustful ladies, lay down some towels, turn down the light if your feeling squirmish, and make some love. fellas, if she’s sexy to you, she’ll still be sexy, have her on her back, look into her eyes and and tell aunt flo she gotta go! ladies, why work yourself into a frenzy, and punish yourself? go get you some!



the p*ssy beggar: laycocking at it's finest.

>> 12.08.2009

i was asked to do a guest blogger post for , please check it out and leave your kisses at her door. let me know if you have ever been in that situation, and if you can relate. here is a snippet of what i had to say...

Laycock: v. the act of begging for sex. “So when you gonna cum lay with me?”

Being a strong minded woman, who knows what she wants, especially when it comes to sex, I’m all for men being dominant and assertive. The kind of man who has no qualms about telling me exactly what he wants, and that his want is me, not in the dutty, feel up my ass and attempt to brush up against my boobs way, but the eyes locking, hair tingling, “I want to make you feel good”, smooth bedroom voice way.
But there seems to be a new breed of man, infiltrating the scene, the type of man we may all be able to relate to, the pussy beggar.... continue reading here


my week in texts

>> 12.06.2009

: ya, she cute. you got eyes like a man lol.. men call it the 'eye of the tiger', when you can spot a cute girl.

: bout the same, still fleeting for a brief moment, but i'm kinda looking for the high... Mmmm kinda like sex where after you cum you still feel the buzz, now as soon as i bust that's it.

: well we shall see how mannnnyyyyy men you bring back.

: what were we warring about again? i thought you said you're a lover not a fighter....text me when your not driving it's dangerous.

: the bloody thing is so addictive. i have no social life cause i'm more concerned about harvesting my crops. LoL. i want to beat gobi so badly!!!

: you really know how to push my buttons eh? you really do!

: not gonna shower, i miss the smell.

: well we don't gotta get drunk, i will cut you off if you know you're past your limit. we can enjoy a few...i don't mess with drunk chicks unless i know they know what they're doing.

: means stay where you are. i'm not proving anything to you.

: just here honestly been waiting to see what's up with you, like i can't hear from you.

: you know i read what you said, and i still can't believe you said that.

: omg, we could go to times square and watch the ball drop!


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