f.o.b. spells temptation

he's dangerous.
not only is he a F.O.B., but he speaks with the most amazing patois and he's young. and you know i love them young.

and he's dangerous for my health, my fantasies and my relationship.
"i don't mind being on the side...if i can't have all of you, i'll settle for some"

and i keep going back to him, granted he provides a service that i've entrusted in his hands which requires me to see him every few weeks or so, and i know i should stop seeing him, but he's good at what he does.

"oh! so you're those kind of people..... i used to be those kind of people too"
"well why pretend you are what you're not? you can only be yourself"

is there some kind of energy i put out that draws 'those kind of people' to me, i know karma is a bitch, but i've already paid my dues, i've changed my life and i no longer have the ambition to be unfaithful. i'm the first person to speak about my experiences with cheating and the damage it has caused, and i firmly believe that it is not worth ruining everyone's experience with relationships and the beauty that it brings for a few seconds of pleasure.

i think i've passed that test, i am reformed. wait.....let me be 100% honest. i have the urge every now and again to try someone new, but i promised myself, and mr.griffin that i wouldn't, and i've stood by that for almost a year now....temptations have come and gone and i've stood by this promise, so what it is about this bwoy that has me imagining all forms of duttiness?..... did i mention he was Jamaican, young and cute.

shit.

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crazy in love *cue beyonce booty shake*

i want to say it all the time. but i think i may sound crazy, infatuated and obsessed if i do, so i say it less then all the time. in my opinion however, he doesn't say it nearly enough, and i want him to say it more because it pleases me to my heart strings.

i love you.
granted, we've always felt it, and he's always shown his heart for me through his love language, but we've never said it until now, and it took a major event in our relationship to make him feel comfortable enough to even say it, and by comfortable enough i mean, i forced him in some random room at his job and commanded him to say it, because we needed to speak it into the atmosphere...and he did. and when he did i melted.

but now the question is, how often is too often, and how often is just enough often to say 'i love you'? people will tell you 'say it when you feel it', but i feel it all the time, sleeping, waking, breathing, eating, taking a shit i feel it. should i call him in mid shit and tell him? like, for real though.

i love him. so much.
i'm going to text him and tell him, and probably not again for 1000 seconds or so.

how often do you tell your significant other you love them?

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know your worth

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after 2 years....

it's been 2 years since i've decided to put this part of me to rest and explore other sides of my being, but kiss the pen has always been in the back of my mind, and now on the cusp of turning 29 years old, I've decided to come back and re-explore this side of my being.

what have i been up to?

i've been in and out of a few relationships. poetry guy and i broke up for good in 2010 and it was a devastating time for me, especially because a lot of the real life accounts on this site are about our trysts, but life went on. i almost got engaged in 2010 to brooklyn, but that ended quickly, not quick enough if you ask me. rebounds have come and sugar daddies have gone. i'm settled now in a monogamous relationship with mr. griffin, and i'm happier than I've ever been. needless to say life has greatly affected me and my sexual being, and i need to bounce back, I've not been the same kisser, but i hope to find parts of her again.

what's new with kiss the pen?

throughout these 2 years I've gained a lot of insight and perspective on relationships, so with my return, i will expand kiss the pen to include relationship topics/issues also, i would love to interact with the readers and share my advice and knowledge on sex and relationships, also i do have some surprises up my sleeve, some that i'm sure you'll like.

what can you do?

spread the word! if you enjoy and if you hate, comment, email me, tweet me. ask me questions, tweak my brain, and help us all to grow! i also work with some anonymity , so i ask those who know me personally (i.e. my real name etc...) please keep it to yourself and spill the seed.

I look forward to being back and kissing the pen!

.kisses.

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so, ladies and and gentlemen.....the kisser is back. all grown up.

*kisses*

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update....

hey everyone!
soooo, here is an update since my last kiss to you guys...

celibacy is not new to me,  i've done it twice before, one year each. it's all really a mindset for me, when i tell myself i am not gonna have sex, it stops becoming my focus and i'm able to focus on other things, and that's what i need right now. my focus right now is on rebuilding a relationship with God, as much as i loved being who i became apart from him, i missed him sooo much, and the peace and joy i had with him, i can't recreate that on my own...so i stopped running and ran back to my daddy's arms.

i still haven't written a poem, damn! it's been sooo long, but i'm waiting,..sigh.

the men in my life...lol...the men. poetry guy didn't respond well to me, as he put it "taking it away from him"..but he's always been supportive of everything i've done, so he's in line with my decision...
smooth (my ex) and i are drifting apart and that doesn't make me as sad as maybe it should. i will always love him, but time has been good to us, we had 6 awesome years together, and it may be time to just let go. bus driver was absoultely livid that i locked my legs, cause that reinforces my no to him...hahaha, he's such a fool sometimes. and Red, i haven't heard from him since that blow up over me posting his text messages on here, and frankly i don't care if i never hear from him again. some friendships are just not worth pursuing.

thank you all for you love, and your comments, it took me SOOO long to reply cause everytime i read them i got super emotional. thank you cook for your email *sniffling*..... i've really enjoyed my time with all of you and it touched me soo much that you were soo understanding and encouraging...oh oh (choking up). i've started a new blog, which is clearly going to be different from this one, definitely less sex, and more about my crazy funny life, my inspirations, my love of randoms, my struggles and my journey back to daddy.

so feel free to follow, not out of obligation cause i hate and despise that, but out of love. i've always loved quality over quanitity, and not everything is for everyone.

i love you guys so much, and i wish you all the best in life as i know you do to me.
kisses to all of you!

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one last kiss....

hey kissers!

i am sooo excited for this year, and all the changes that come with it. i'm a big fan of newness and this year is definitely the year for all things new. and with changes, come responsibilities, and awareness....for example i am going back to being celibate until marriage, and i am also renewing my relationship with my first love (some people will definitely know what that means), and so saying that i will be unable to maintain kissthepen as it is right now.

thank you all for following me and for showing me the love you have. seeing fellow bloggers use the term 'favorite' to describe me has really been uplifting to me and i am sooo grateful! i've met some really cool people and i will definitely keep in touch. i am not saying good bye to blogging, but this chapter of my blogging life has been closed. sooo when i come back, you'll know...and you will actually see me for who i am .... still honest, still open, still me.

.kisses, and good wishes to all of you!

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