nablopomo: realize that i need love too

>> 11.15.2009

i'm a habitual cheater. i've always cheated. that's the only thing that's consistant in my relationships. i can see through all the bullshit, i know all the excuses, i know enough to know that there are no excuses.

love has shit to do with being unfaithful, a lot of men and women will say ' i love him/her...but '. there is always that but.... damn but!... cheating is a crime of opportunity/boredom. plain and simple. strip away all the layers and at the bottom of it is boredom, you aren't getting what you need from your significant other, there is always someone else willing to give it you, and the opportunity will always present itself. are you strong enough to stand against it? are you able to put the gnawing feelings of disatisfaction aside? the lonely nights of pump, pump, snore when what you really need is biting, licking, fucking?

i'm guilty of emotional cheating. i've cheated physically a few times, but mostly i'm an emotional cheater, more times out of boredom, sometimes out of lack of attention.

if you're showing me that you have no time to talk to me cause you're too busy, i'll call someone else, after getting shut down a few times. i'm calling you because i want to talk to you, because i want to share my day with you, my thoughts, my feelings, random shit, i want to share it with you. but you tell me you can't talk now....crapness. i'll call someone else at 5 in the morning then. and best believe there will always be some other dude or chick ready to hear all the things i should be telling you.

and that's the honesty about it. if i'm making the effort and it's not being reciprocated, truss my pretty ass fingers are dialing someone else's number...straight.

i'm not ashamed to say that i need attention, shit i have a short attenton span. i send you naughty pictures, slutty text messages, i shake my ass on webcam for you, to keep my ass from getting bored and what do you do for me?....*crickets*.... i need the phone calls, and the text messages, emails.... i don't need to be coddled, i'm a grown ass woman, but it would be nice to know that you are there and we are us. ...

do i want to stop. yes i do. it's unhealthy. and i don't want to hurt the one i'm with. but baby, i always try and make myself available to you when you need me, when i tell you i need you, listen to me, because there is someone out there who is needing me.

i try to be.... but i'm not that strong.



Eddie November 16, 2009 at 10:01 AM  

wooow i dont think there's anything I can say..except, that I feel you!

Da_Kween November 17, 2009 at 1:10 AM  

That is so brutally honest and real. It is indeed a choice. Stand strong against temptation or weaken by the need. I've definitely weakened...although I've never physically cheated...I've definitely emotionally cheated. That is sometimes worse.

Great perspective!

BrookiiBrooke November 17, 2009 at 9:22 AM  

i feel u 100% on this. i go thru the same shit with every relationship n guys never seem to understand. i don't need a guy to be up my ass but when i do need ur attention why is it so hard to give it to me? i do it for u! it's like guys expect u to drop everything to cater to their needs, but when it's their turn to cater to u they disappear...or their too "busy"

thanks for this post! it really made me feel like im not alone on this subject.

♥Sarah Brooke

the.kisser November 18, 2009 at 11:50 AM  

thanx guys for the love. i'm glad to know i'm not the only one who struggles with this, and you're right kween, emotional cheating can be worse than physical cheating.

welcome brookii ;)

Roxi M. December 18, 2009 at 1:00 AM  

Wow, I'm not sure what in the universe led me to your blog, but I swear I had this exact conversation this morning and my response was damn near identical to yours. I think men and women need to quit the "full of shitness" and keep it real with one another. I am a serial cheater also, and I did so mostly out of curiosity and boredom. After examining my past relationships and the reasons they didn't work, I realized that I (nor them) can't expect one person to make me laugh, be with me, write me love notes, send me cards and flowers, take me out, put it down, and think I'm the greatest chick on earth all the time. I need multiple stimulation from different people in order to stay balanced. I'm beginning to question if monogamy is a western idea. . .

*Love your blog and I will continue to visit :)

Roxi M.

the.kisser December 20, 2009 at 10:12 AM  

roxi, thanks for popping by. i love how the universe likes me enough to send you here!
but i hear you completely, most men like to think that they are doing enough to keep their women satisfied, when in actual fact they are not, and vice versa with the women as well. so either step up your game, or understand that someone else can um..'help you out'

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