nablopomo: realize that i need love too

i'm a habitual cheater. i've always cheated. that's the only thing that's consistant in my relationships. i can see through all the bullshit, i know all the excuses, i know enough to know that there are no excuses.

love has shit to do with being unfaithful, a lot of men and women will say ' i love him/her...but '. there is always that but.... damn but!... cheating is a crime of opportunity/boredom. plain and simple. strip away all the layers and at the bottom of it is boredom, you aren't getting what you need from your significant other, there is always someone else willing to give it you, and the opportunity will always present itself. are you strong enough to stand against it? are you able to put the gnawing feelings of disatisfaction aside? the lonely nights of pump, pump, snore when what you really need is biting, licking, fucking?

i'm guilty of emotional cheating. i've cheated physically a few times, but mostly i'm an emotional cheater, more times out of boredom, sometimes out of lack of attention.

if you're showing me that you have no time to talk to me cause you're too busy, i'll call someone else, after getting shut down a few times. i'm calling you because i want to talk to you, because i want to share my day with you, my thoughts, my feelings, random shit, i want to share it with you. but you tell me you can't talk now....crapness. i'll call someone else at 5 in the morning then. and best believe there will always be some other dude or chick ready to hear all the things i should be telling you.

and that's the honesty about it. if i'm making the effort and it's not being reciprocated, truss my pretty ass fingers are dialing someone else's number...straight.

i'm not ashamed to say that i need attention, shit i have a short attenton span. i send you naughty pictures, slutty text messages, i shake my ass on webcam for you, to keep my ass from getting bored and what do you do for me?....*crickets*.... i need the phone calls, and the text messages, emails.... i don't need to be coddled, i'm a grown ass woman, but it would be nice to know that you are there and we are us. ...

do i want to stop. yes i do. it's unhealthy. and i don't want to hurt the one i'm with. but baby, i always try and make myself available to you when you need me, when i tell you i need you, listen to me, because there is someone out there who is needing me.

i try to be.... but i'm not that strong.

.kisses.