late night ramblings on truth

>> 12.30.2009

i love truth, and honesty. as you can tell (if you are a regular reader), i try to be as honest with myself as i can, which is a big feat for me, because as i stated before i am not a very honest person.

i really am not. i can tell a lie like no one's business, and more often than not i get away with it too. but life has a funny way about it, and a few years ago, i decided to embrace honesty. and i've embraced it to the fullest. it hasn't been easy (let me tell you), but this is one time when my stubborness works in my favor. and the reason for my turn around is this... i was accosted by the truth.

and the truth was this... 'when you come in contact with something you deem to be true, you are now accountable to that truth'. there it is was. so simple, so big, and so life changing. let me break it down so even my blonde self can fully grasp it... when i hear something or realize something that my soul (my will, my intellect and my emotion) agrees with, i am now held to that truth, and i have to make a choice whether or not to live my life denying that truth, or embracing that truth.

if for my whole life i was taught that the sky is red,
and one day i wake up, look to the sky and i see the
most wondrous velvet blue, and my soul
(will, intellect and emotion) identifies that the sky is blue,
i now have to decide, 'do i live as if the sky is still red,
or do i embrace the truth and live as if it is blue'.

these are a few truths that i have come across for myself...and what i now live my life by.

truth #1 : happiness must always be the bottom line. i see people living miserable ass lives, just because they compromised on their happiness, and i determined within myself that happiness will always be my goal. at the end of the day, i must can look at my life and fall asleep content. anything else is not an option.

truth #2 : words are life and words are death. everything that comes out of our mouth carries a tag, and can help us succeed, or bring us failure. words hurt more than stones, and words heal more than medicine. i have to be so careful what comes out of my mouth, knowing me you will come to realize i can be horribly, bitingly sarcastic, and i love to tease people... but even in jest words can do a lot of harm...i hate that truth!

truth #3 : the word friend has lost it's meaning. we don't even know what a true friend is, or the responsibilites it carries. when i find a friend, i only call them friend after i've fallen in love with their spirit.  and i love to fall in love with people's spirits, it's such a beautiful thing, because when you are tied to someone's spirit, the bond is that much stronger and more fulfilling. and it will come to be known that i am fiercely loyal... maybe annoyingly so...idk.

truth #4 : say what you mean, and mean what you say, everything else is just verbal diahhrea. you can drag your hand through it, trying to find some substance, but it will just be a pile of brown (or green)  watery shit in your hand. hence my quest for honesty... liars fail at life with this.

truth #5 : advancement and liberty can breed ignorance. not everything is a right. we have mistaken privilages for rights, and sometimes we need to shut the hell up and sit down.... children suing parents for grounding them from their 'toys' and the courts ruling in the rotten kids favor..what bloody the hell on earth?!

truth #6 : no one has life easy. many people like to believe that some people have life easy, so they can justify their crying of rivers. everyone goes through crap, life is unfair to everyone, mansion or street corner, we all go through something. sometimes i need to talk about it, as a therapy or as a means of encouraging someone else, sometimes i need to shut the hell up and move the hell on.

truth #7: someone, somewhere around the world is doing, thinking, pondering the exact same thing you are. this baffles my mind everytime i think on it. i am not alone, we are not alone. when i cry, someone is crying along with me, when i am happy, so is someone else...when i am getting the best head of my life, someone will be cumming along with me (had to throw that in there). we are never alone.

truth #8 : God does not put up with fuckery. very rarely do i talk about my past life, and i have my own reasons for that, but i grew up in the church, i was basically born at the altar, i was even getting ready to go into full time minstry, so when i do talk about it, i know exactly what i'm talking about. it pisses me off, when people act like God is a damn idiot, like he's grinning all up and down your shit. news flash, he's not, and as much as that is not my life anymore, i know better than to act like me and God are batty and bench, and go disrespecting him, acting like a damn fool. and i'm not going to hide behind the all too played out "don't judge me" crap, because truthfully if my actions do not match up with my words, someone should call my ass out...hence truth#4

truth #9 : love conquers all. i am a hopeless romantic, who has had her heart broken many times, but i will always believe in love. the love of life, the love of endurance, the love of awareness and self acceptance, the love of peace, joy and happiness, the love of believing. love conquers all.

the truth hurts. it has hurt me many a times, but only because it has challenged me to grow up, to change the way i think and to enhance my quality of life. so pursuit of this life, i will continue to embrace honesty, truth and the challenges that come with it. and really, i love the velvety blue of this sky much better.



Anonymous,  December 30, 2009 at 5:12 AM  

You shared so much much here, and I like reading your thoughts. Thank you.

Sincerely, Secretia

Soul Powers December 30, 2009 at 9:45 AM  

This should be a document to point to when people say, "real talk." You definitely make a lot of sense. The hardest thing we can do is be truthful with ourselves. Words are powerful, and sometimes not using them at all (silence) will speak more volumes than the slightest utterance.

♥PrettyPacino♥ December 30, 2009 at 11:58 AM  

I agree with every truth you've posted. Those that really stuck out to me are ones that I've pondered on almost a daily basis.

I, too, have realized that a lot of people are not happy with their lives (regardless of the mask of happiness they force themselves to wear). I don't ever want to be that person.

I love the "falling in love with their souls" point about friends. I've lost a massive amount of what I used to refer to as friends... but I've found that I'd mistaken friends for acquaintances (or less) and that my life is extremely more fulfilling with the handful of real friends I continue to hold dear.


PS: Hopeless Romantics rock!! ♥

Nadege December 30, 2009 at 5:56 PM  

wow. WOW. you have nailed it. print your
words up and hand them out. So True.

Angel December 31, 2009 at 8:41 AM  

I love what you wrote about falling in love with someone’s spirit, to me, especially this year, the word friend really did loose its meaning. What a great way to look at things. Love really does conquer all!!

the.kisser December 31, 2009 at 1:05 PM  

secretia, soul powers and nadege, thank you for the kind thoughts, and for encouraging my insomniac

pretty pacino, and angel...i'm a big believer that the essence of people is captured in their spirit and souls, and if i'm going to bestow the privilage of being called my friend, i must be at one with your spirit. i'm glad you both agree with me, i thought i was

Anonymous,  December 31, 2009 at 7:50 PM  

This was a beautiful thing to read on New Years Eve. I love the way you look at things, and it made me think of how I live my life, & just recently I've been being a sucky person. I need to find happiness, but that's harder than it seems. Thank you for this post, it helped me in a lot of ways.

Thanks for the comment you left! I try to be self aware!

Anonymous,  December 31, 2009 at 9:09 PM  

This was a great post! I am all about keeping it real too. I also feel that being a friend is a lost art and fall in love with people's souls too. Sometimes, I wish that I did not. It is rare to find people who truly love you for you are anymore, but oh well. Anyhow, you have really deep thoughts. LOVE it!!! If I may ask what turned you away from ministry? I am not judging at all... just wondering. Well HAPPY NEW YEAR girl!!! Hope yours is a blessed one! :o)

Reggie December 31, 2009 at 9:31 PM  

The truth will set you free.

If you live your life by these mantras, you'll forever be content and dare I say, happy.

The day I stopped giving a shit my life became much easier.

the.kisser January 1, 2010 at 1:53 PM  

lilly, we all go through those sucky moments and you're right happiness is harder than it seems, but at some point we have to make a decision to live happy regardless of what crap we are stepping in. i'm glad i was able to help you :)

girl in my own world, a good, true friend is SO hard to but when you do, hang on to it with all you have because it will make your life so much easier. in regards to ministry, that is a whole other post in, but basically i was having a hard time being myself and being who i knew God wanted me to be. it didn't correlate. sometimes self awareness works to our demise i guess. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU TOO!

reggie, i snap my fingers in agreement!

Mista Jaycee January 1, 2010 at 2:20 PM  

Happy New Year! And Thanks for the list to think on. 8-)
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