high hopes..?

it's funny, i started this blog with such high hopes of being curled up on my bed, chaos around me, yet locked into the serentity that is sharing. i was looking forward to sharing every intimate and random detail of my life, but alas, i've fallen off my bed and my fingers feel broken.

broken by fear, broken by expectations, broken by people that i know, but that don't know me... you know, i mean really know me.

broken by the need to lie cause the truth will be too painful to hear.....

i thought that writing was my bandaid. but writing seems to get me in trouble cause i don't want to answer questions of 'who was that about', or 'what did that mean', 'why did you write that'... you know why, cause i did damn it. if i want to share the meanings of my words than i will, but until then please ask me NO questions.

just let me write. let me breathe unrestricted, no more fingers squeezing my inhale, no more hands blocking my exhale. just let me breatheeeee.

so as i sit curled on my bed, as the chaos rides my back, please allow me to find the serenity that is sharing. cause i want to share with you.

luv la.moi