do you see me? - poem

so i've been up for about 2 weeks now. i never feel so vulnerable as i do when i am in this state..... sleepless, dreamless, and pissed...lol. people ask me 'are you ok'? and i tell them 'no'. they ask me what's wrong, and i try to explain it, but it's not something people understand, i mean how can i explain to someone why i was crying because i couldn't keep the cold side of the bed, or that it took me 5 min to remember how to spell 'the'. shit! i need to sleep. i'm crazy when i don't sleep for a period of time. i tried explaining it to poetry guy, and i felt like he made it smaller than it was.. ' well promise me you'll get some sleep '. believe me if it was that easy, i wouldn't be here writing about it. but i've come to realize that somethings you have to go through alone, because no one understands, and no matter how much they try, they won't. stayed home today because it has started to affect my job, trying not to go anywhere, because i'm falling asleep at the wheel almost side swiped a truck coming home tuesday night(morning). i can feel myself breaking down.... i can see myself, and i'm different. it might take me a while to come back from this.

Do you see me?

Open your eyes and look closely,

Stare past the beauty and glare at the ugly

Can you embrace the scars, the tears, the hate

Can you tenderly kiss the cuts i create in the dark?

I’ve fallen and scraped my knees many a time,

my emotions don’t fit perfectly in reason and rhyme

I’m messy,

even in my calm the sky is midnight blue...

I lay curled on my floor, wishing for eternity to end,

Fingering the silver blade, arguing with the voices in my head.

And i rarely win,even when i do,

i lose

Will i lose you?

Will you give up and lose love lost?

Should i give up on me as you give up on you?

Or can love exist in the midst of silent chaos?

Do you see me?

Petals of red find the darkness amidst starch white

Call for me where the darkness meets the light

Gaze at the ugly, discover the beauty

And i will be yours.

And we will win.

.kisses.