update....

hey everyone!
soooo, here is an update since my last kiss to you guys...

celibacy is not new to me,  i've done it twice before, one year each. it's all really a mindset for me, when i tell myself i am not gonna have sex, it stops becoming my focus and i'm able to focus on other things, and that's what i need right now. my focus right now is on rebuilding a relationship with God, as much as i loved being who i became apart from him, i missed him sooo much, and the peace and joy i had with him, i can't recreate that on my own...so i stopped running and ran back to my daddy's arms.

i still haven't written a poem, damn! it's been sooo long, but i'm waiting,..sigh.

the men in my life...lol...the men. poetry guy didn't respond well to me, as he put it "taking it away from him"..but he's always been supportive of everything i've done, so he's in line with my decision...
smooth (my ex) and i are drifting apart and that doesn't make me as sad as maybe it should. i will always love him, but time has been good to us, we had 6 awesome years together, and it may be time to just let go. bus driver was absoultely livid that i locked my legs, cause that reinforces my no to him...hahaha, he's such a fool sometimes. and Red, i haven't heard from him since that blow up over me posting his text messages on here, and frankly i don't care if i never hear from him again. some friendships are just not worth pursuing.

thank you all for you love, and your comments, it took me SOOO long to reply cause everytime i read them i got super emotional. thank you cook for your email *sniffling*..... i've really enjoyed my time with all of you and it touched me soo much that you were soo understanding and encouraging...oh oh (choking up). i've started a new blog, which is clearly going to be different from this one, definitely less sex, and more about my crazy funny life, my inspirations, my love of randoms, my struggles and my journey back to daddy.

so feel free to follow, not out of obligation cause i hate and despise that, but out of love. i've always loved quality over quanitity, and not everything is for everyone.

i love you guys so much, and i wish you all the best in life as i know you do to me.
kisses to all of you!

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one last kiss....

hey kissers!

i am sooo excited for this year, and all the changes that come with it. i'm a big fan of newness and this year is definitely the year for all things new. and with changes, come responsibilities, and awareness....for example i am going back to being celibate until marriage, and i am also renewing my relationship with my first love (some people will definitely know what that means), and so saying that i will be unable to maintain kissthepen as it is right now.

thank you all for following me and for showing me the love you have. seeing fellow bloggers use the term 'favorite' to describe me has really been uplifting to me and i am sooo grateful! i've met some really cool people and i will definitely keep in touch. i am not saying good bye to blogging, but this chapter of my blogging life has been closed. sooo when i come back, you'll know...and you will actually see me for who i am .... still honest, still open, still me.

.kisses, and good wishes to all of you!

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my week in texts

: why are these guys sittin here havin a full out convo about dating, courting, and bein engaged, and how we shud be alone wit girls...lol...sooooo much crap! if i drove i'd dip right away, this convo's wayyyy 2big 4me.

: i'm waitin 2leave from here, but these guys r playin freshy jeopardy. <---freshy is the term for a FOB (fresh of the boat)

: ur food got wahmpd, there were 3plates in the fridge n sum1 boxed urs thinkin it was thiers lol i apologize cuz i think u were lookin 4it. <--- damn right i was looking for it! damn cravin ass people!

: well miss me no more, i'm home. happy new year. <--- poetry guy back from jamdown. i missed him like crazy!

: nothin, just got up, figured i'd c if i cud interest u in sum cereal...yah, cereal n ice cream n the curve above ur ass n uhmmm ur face when we were eatin cereal n uhmmm...lol yah i remember L boogie <--- 'cereal' was how my ex smooth and i talked about sex. L boogie was his hip hop nickname for me.

: glad i can still make u blush, we need 2chill 4real, no later than next week. i don't c y u always take 4evr 2chek me or make me hav 2link u? <--- 'chill' was also how we talked about having sex.

: goodness gracious me woman, you're hhooottt!

bonus convo between bus driver and i

(poetry guy tells me i'm not as innocent as i make myself seem, because i encourage these conversations)

"wanna watch me get head"

"no thanx"

"are you on msn"

"yeah"

"just watch she's good"

"naw....past experiences have been unimpressive"

"does your phone get video"

"yeah...."

"trust you'll enjoy this"

"eh.... if she is like the other girls i've seen, i won't.

 it will be a waste of my time"

he then proceeds to send me video #1

"did you get it"

"yeah i got it...lol"

"you like"

"it was interesting, she was kinda cute, and your

dick looked nice and juicy. i'm glad you enjoyed yourself"

in comes video part two, followed by video #3 and 4

"did my *** enjoy that?"

"it was ok...it was nice to watch"

"i want to have a three sum with you..would you fuck her?"

"idk"

"she more ur type no?"

"lol.....yeah"

"she pretty crazy in bed... she one of my old things....
she married now lol"

"what's her name?"

"a****"

(this convo is soo long, but that was most of what went on....i tried uploading one of the videos, and it didn't work.)

.kisses.

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random memory & first award of 2010

i love the randomness of life.... it keeps things interesting and makes life worthwhile in the end. especially when in the most obscenely normal moments, you remember something that makes you stop and blink...lol....like today when i was in the shower, the water streaming over me, i remembered an ex telling me .....

'i want to watch you shit. not a normal shit. but a hard shit.'...

i responded with 'what the hell is wrong with you!'...

i almost drowned in the shower i was laughing so hard! ahh memories...

********************************

my first award of 2010 (these things always make me tear up) was given to me by dave 'loose cannon' wills, for sure check him out, he's hilarious.

i took his blog award virginity some time ago, and i'm glad to know i still make him happy. a big kiss to dave!

soo, i need to

1. list 10 things that make me happy

2.tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day

3.link back to the person who gave me this award.

*sleep. as i am writing this i haven't slept in about 3 weeks. so i am the #1 member of the sleep appreciation club.

*sex. ya'll should know that by now.

*making people laugh. i am a very funny person, but not selfishly, i genuinely love making people feel good.

*music. music makes me super emotional. i cry, i ponder, i get depressed, but most of all it makes me happy.

*the office, criminal minds, bones, according to jim, and reba. ohh and spongebob, and fairly odd parents, oh and the mighty B...i think that's it.

*writing. yeah, ya'll should know that too.

*changing up the game in everything i do. i am such a unique, creative person and i try to rock that to the fullest.

*my snails. i have 9 and i love them. in my quiet moments i watch them live and i smile cause i'm happy.

*it makes me happy when people think they can outsmart me. thou fool.

*life. life makes me happy because i choose for it to.

these bloggers brighten my day...* tha unpretentious narcissist * kween * lyrik brown aka ms. minnie * cook * sinfullyo * jaye * eury * soul powers * lilly * xxxx *

here's to all of you! and keep the random memories of life alive.

.kisses.

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my week in texts

: what's goin on sexy? what you up to?.....you should cum drift off with me

: where did your boytoy go on vaycay? .... and your missin him like that? like you're in luv? <--- 3in dicks shouldn't question how i feel about anyone.

: ur such a tease

: you noticed that i haven't called you yet...to be honest, i'm building up some more courage...lol!

: ***** i want u to never forget that ur a plus and never a minus in my life.

: your blog is serious...u capture texts from the week and post up wow

: wow! i all caught  one or two of my texts on dat...now i gotta watch what i say/do with you. damn ma, what's up with that yo... <--- Red saw that i posted his texts

: i hear you, but why yo is it necessary?...honestly though you should be making money off that blog...we need to talk.

: lmfao @fool who is you... did you write who they were from? omg you're so dry to him! have you guys done anything? <--- re: the previous text situation

: oh yeah, i forgot you said you didn't sleep last night. "2:15, still awake staring at my eyelids"..lol you're friggin stuuuuupid lol

: you should have called me, i would have picked you up and brought you to my house, we could have found something to do

: and barf i got my period today ew

: 4 real happy new years, luv u 4real. next year we should really try and be 2gether

: aawww happy new year la smooch! love u back! <--- i love this woman for real!

: was tryin to have fun with you sexy

: omgsh.. we need that music that they play at award shows when the people start talking too long...

: i will never be too busy that i can't talk to you... i don't think you realize how special you are...nothing will change

** note: the texts i post are ones that i have recieved over the previous week**

.kisses.

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 the most initimate part is not the kisses, the caresses, nor the sexual love itself, it's the skin to skin contact....

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