one minute writer: nervous habits.

i don't do this often, only when i see a writing prompt that interests me, and this one hits very close to home so here goes.

what nervous habits do i have? i wouldn't call this a habit but more like a manifestation. one that i hate with a passion, and has made me very shy and afraid of public speaking. i have a speech impediment. when i get nervous (hysterical, pissed off) i may tend to stutter severly. which is why i think that me going up on stage to perform is an amazing feat i should never take lightly.

my mother said she did not notice my stuttering until i moved to canada at the age of 6. my life turned around drastically after that. i always had friends, and boyfriends and was always popular, but i was teased without mercy being called 'porky pig', (my family still makes fun of me) i used to pray and ask God 'to make me really pretty when i grew up, so no one would care what i sounded like'.

i had speech therapy for 2 years which helped but not really.

as i got older i learned how to control it. now most people can't even tell that i have a speech impediment, i talk very carefully and i have to think about what i need to say before i say it. which is why i find soo much freedom in writing, it literally sets me free from my constraints and betrayels of my speech. once i get comfortable with someone, it becomes more prominant, and to my surprise the men i date actually find it cute, which completely baffles me and makes me wanna gag, because i hate it with an unbelievable passion.

i am afraid for my children, hearing me stutter and thinking it's normal. it's a hard thing to live with, and it does a number on your self esteem, yeah i can hide it well, but i cringe alot inside when i talk. i'm shy, yet very outgoing, i smile alot, laugh alot, and i'm hella of a flirt, but not a moment goes by in which i think about not saying words with s', r's, and w's.

next time you want to make fun of someone who stutters. don't.

.kisses.

p.s. no i don't stutter during sex....LOL

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please don't make me scream at you

http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/2009/10/todays-writing-prompt-scream.html

what makes me wanna scream? the first thing that came to my mind was fake people. and maybe that's because i am at a point in my life where i am the realest i've ever been. don't get me wrong, i've always been truthful to who i was at any point in my life, i always went big or went home, so in the constant evolving and sometimes revolving of time, the person i am now i have bever seen her before. she is different, from me even. she is a cussin', swearing, sex fiend, writer with an overactive imagination, down to earth-highly maintained lady (to name a few), and i am true to who i am right now.

i say that to say this: i hate fake ass people. be real or do us all a favor and go home. cause no one wants the energy of a two facer around them, that shit drags you down, and sometimes makes you question your own realness. no one should have to live two lives, and i know everyone has excuses as to why they do it 'family.friends.work.school.society.religion'... which are all understandable .... for you... but for me, my mantra on life is 'happiness', and i am worth more than my unhappiness for someone else's happiness. why must i live my life on someone else's terms... hell no. when they are dead and gone, who the hell am i gonna be, when my identity or my truth was wrapped up in them (confused, that's what). be real or do us all a favor and go home.

live.love.laugh.above all.live

la.moi

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poetry slam winner: sept 6, 09

last night was the 7th annual toronto international poetry slam, masterminded by dwayne morgan. needless to say it was wicked. held at the kathedral (soo 8mile), it was dingy, skecth and filled with people young and old appreciative of the art called poetry. words were flying, thoughts and opinions were going forth intended to make one laugh, cry, and be inspired to change and create change. while i was sitting there, i couldn't wait for next year, cause truss next year that will be me on that stage, flinging out my words and allowing them all to feel my heart beat.
here is the winner who also won the title 5 previous times.

jamaal st. john's winning piece.... we can all see why he won!

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love of my life: erykah badu & common..... fans, friends, artists

feeling this song heavy... like the rains of jamaica on the plains of my mind.



one of my favorite pieces by ms erykah badu

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hollywood dragging - poem

here i am at 2:05 am fiending... damn it.... i always said this would never, could never be me.... but life sure has a way of making a fool out of you....

hollywood draggin’

poisonous bright lights, dark nights
and slim whites consume my being,
as I send up a flame, two, three clicks
my hand cold in comparison to the glory
seen in orange, yellows and blues,
my hand shaking, shielding it’s fragility from the wind
signaling to time, that it’s time to slow down
and let me sustain my sanity, let me breathe.
I inhale deeply, close my eyes and roll my neck
as I suck and puff out my being

cares important just a while ago now erupt in delicately shaped smoke,
music notes, and mental flows provoke thoughts
which think outside of thoughts provoked in the midst of this serenity
life’s contemplations flow freely, and ramble through holes in the sky
as my mind rambles, deliberations tripping over each other to escape
the shambles of the mundane everyday life, ideas waiting to be discovered
butterflies silver winged, land on bounded silver wings
and serenade silver streams flowing from lips that speak poetry,
lips that blow golden flecks into a shaded sky, acting like shooting stars
as it swirls to my feet, giants to the streets.

I inhale deeply as the relaxation of time speaks to me…
minutes become hours as each second draws me nearer to completion
In this instant, serenely saluting the sky, throwing up peace signs
clouds not created by I float by and become creatures
seen only when my imagination is let loose to bombard reality with what it should be
hollywood draggin’, I am forced to exhale, forced to cough,

and with silver tears in my eyes I stand and
watch my thoughts escape me to find a desire worthy embracing.
accomplished I flick my muse to the side hoping it sparks a fire
catching a passerby on fire, creating a bonfire as bright as life itself
burning through concrete, and selfish human consciousness
burning to a core so that the reflection imbedded in the flame will never die.

and so I continue hollywood draggin’, out of need, out of responsibility,

out of selfish motivation....
I stand under the poisonous bright lights, encirculed by the dark nights,

I allow the slim whites to consume my being.

08.19.2009

.kisses.

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butterflies - poem

this day last week was my first open mic performance at the trane studio, a wicked spot in enviable downtown toronto. i was nervous, shaking, and fiending for a hollywood dragg, but when he called my name, i walked up, smiled, blinked in the glaring light and changed the course of my life forever. so in tribute of that moment, here is the poem i shared....

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