let's talk about....talking

let's talk relationships today.

there are many key components in a successful relationship, and as much as everyone has unique, specific situations, some keys are universal. like communication.

in my own relationship I've been questioning if mr. griffin has lost his sexual desire towards me, since the last weekend in april, he's been incredibly stiff (and the not the kind of stiff i love either). 

in our relationship his love language is physical touch and affection, meaning he's the touchy feely one, and he is always trying to get it in. except for the last month. 

here is the back story: mr. griffin and i recently found out there is a bun in the oven. so instantly my hormone ridden emotional mind started thinking 'is he not attracted to me because i'm pregnant?' 'is he losing interest in me?' 'why doesn't he roll over and wake me up in the middle of night, with his penis slipping into my vagina anymore?'

here is where communication comes in.

i finally lay it out to mr. griffin 'baby, i miss you, and i miss merging with you....why are you keeping yourself from me?'

and his response blew my mind 'first stages of pregnancy are a sensitive time. you speak constantly of not feeling comfortable. i fail to see how merging will ease that....i guess i don't feel comfortable at the moment while you are uneasy with your body'

-__- 

baby.........why didn't you just tell me that from the beginning?!?!?!?!?!

sometimes we make the unjust decision of what we want to communicate versus what we feel does not need to be said. certain feelings, opinions, and thoughts are held hostage by silence until someone else reaches their breakage point and raises questions. in light of that however a lot of situations and assumptions can be avoided if things are communicated. now, i'm not saying to get willy nilly with loose lips and start chatting everything, but if you decide to be more in tune with your surroundings, with yourself and with your significant other, and the air will be a lot cleaner.

(now to plan the taking back of my penis)

*kisses*

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f.o.b. spells temptation

he's dangerous.
not only is he a F.O.B., but he speaks with the most amazing patois and he's young. and you know i love them young.

and he's dangerous for my health, my fantasies and my relationship.
"i don't mind being on the side...if i can't have all of you, i'll settle for some"

and i keep going back to him, granted he provides a service that i've entrusted in his hands which requires me to see him every few weeks or so, and i know i should stop seeing him, but he's good at what he does.

"oh! so you're those kind of people..... i used to be those kind of people too"
"well why pretend you are what you're not? you can only be yourself"

is there some kind of energy i put out that draws 'those kind of people' to me, i know karma is a bitch, but i've already paid my dues, i've changed my life and i no longer have the ambition to be unfaithful. i'm the first person to speak about my experiences with cheating and the damage it has caused, and i firmly believe that it is not worth ruining everyone's experience with relationships and the beauty that it brings for a few seconds of pleasure.

i think i've passed that test, i am reformed. wait.....let me be 100% honest. i have the urge every now and again to try someone new, but i promised myself, and mr.griffin that i wouldn't, and i've stood by that for almost a year now....temptations have come and gone and i've stood by this promise, so what it is about this bwoy that has me imagining all forms of duttiness?..... did i mention he was Jamaican, young and cute.

shit.

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crazy in love *cue beyonce booty shake*

i want to say it all the time. but i think i may sound crazy, infatuated and obsessed if i do, so i say it less then all the time. in my opinion however, he doesn't say it nearly enough, and i want him to say it more because it pleases me to my heart strings.

i love you.
granted, we've always felt it, and he's always shown his heart for me through his love language, but we've never said it until now, and it took a major event in our relationship to make him feel comfortable enough to even say it, and by comfortable enough i mean, i forced him in some random room at his job and commanded him to say it, because we needed to speak it into the atmosphere...and he did. and when he did i melted.

but now the question is, how often is too often, and how often is just enough often to say 'i love you'? people will tell you 'say it when you feel it', but i feel it all the time, sleeping, waking, breathing, eating, taking a shit i feel it. should i call him in mid shit and tell him? like, for real though.

i love him. so much.
i'm going to text him and tell him, and probably not again for 1000 seconds or so.

how often do you tell your significant other you love them?

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my week in texts

: what's goin on sexy? what you up to?.....you should cum drift off with me

: where did your boytoy go on vaycay? .... and your missin him like that? like you're in luv? <--- 3in dicks shouldn't question how i feel about anyone.

: ur such a tease

: you noticed that i haven't called you yet...to be honest, i'm building up some more courage...lol!

: ***** i want u to never forget that ur a plus and never a minus in my life.

: your blog is serious...u capture texts from the week and post up wow

: wow! i all caught  one or two of my texts on dat...now i gotta watch what i say/do with you. damn ma, what's up with that yo... <--- Red saw that i posted his texts

: i hear you, but why yo is it necessary?...honestly though you should be making money off that blog...we need to talk.

: lmfao @fool who is you... did you write who they were from? omg you're so dry to him! have you guys done anything? <--- re: the previous text situation

: oh yeah, i forgot you said you didn't sleep last night. "2:15, still awake staring at my eyelids"..lol you're friggin stuuuuupid lol

: you should have called me, i would have picked you up and brought you to my house, we could have found something to do

: and barf i got my period today ew

: 4 real happy new years, luv u 4real. next year we should really try and be 2gether

: aawww happy new year la smooch! love u back! <--- i love this woman for real!

: was tryin to have fun with you sexy

: omgsh.. we need that music that they play at award shows when the people start talking too long...

: i will never be too busy that i can't talk to you... i don't think you realize how special you are...nothing will change

** note: the texts i post are ones that i have recieved over the previous week**

.kisses.

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my week in texts

: he broke her neck, he back flipped on her f'n face like who does that?...and the dj said 'she ras dead drown, dat look serious'. wow never ever before.

: wowww!!! i just took in your text about good sex. lol, you and your twitterholics don't have any sense.

: yeah, she's still a virgin, and i know when she bruk out, she's gonna be out there.

: do i get to unwrap you?.......ok, just lemme know when you figure out that tree is fake and you want real pine. <--- really? 3in dicks shouldn't talk about real pine

: turn on your webcam, let's play.

: i will eat it off your chest..... i do wanna play again though.

: ya, he's the type to lock something down quickly. i'm not up for that right now. i'm commitmentphobic lol.

: um ye, but i'm disgusted with him, i think back to his antics and i want to vomit.

: hail no! you will not catch me dead amid the stupid ass people that think they're getting such a good deal. damn fools.

BONUS text convo between myself and bus driver

dec 25 1:35am - 2:29am

" i guess you found a new dick to please you"

"ummm, who is this?"

"wow and you erased my number too, nice"

k***? why the randomness? it's 1:39 in the morning..."

"thoughts of your sweet pussy woke me"

"lol... you haven't had my sweet pussy for a couple of years"

"but i've seen her drip"

"true.... you have. but you have other pussies to drip for you"

"just like you and your other dicks"

"i only have one dick"

"let's be real, you don't want to date me, but need a man to fuck you good when you need it. i'm that guy. these guys you keep fucking do nothing for you"

"k*** you just hate knowing someone else is fucking me.

you only want my pussy cause someone else has it"

"no, i wanted it before"

"sigh... you're right. i don't understand why though...

you have pussy all around you"

"it's your's i want. to me, it could be the best i ever had"

" lol.... i highly doubt it. i know what's going to happen,

if you get it, you're gonna bounce (again)

"stop with that me bouncing stuff. i wanna beat it now and for a very long time after"

"lol"

"so...?"

"sooo, what do you want me to say k***?"

"do you wanna see me unwrap my dick?"

"on webcam?" <--- i'm hoping this was drunk texting

and he fell asleep.

.kisses.

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my week in texts

: you like the control, i like being the victim.

: what is it that i do? you said you wanna creep, u wanna just show up, these are your rules...now tell me what i do wrong, so i can do it right.

: mel just got let go cause she's a whore....i mean that in the literal sense....ya! at the christmas party she got tanked, and some dude from the 8th floor had his hand up her dress, only for the entire christmas party to see.. ya, she's engaged and buddy is married! lmao

: someone showed me i joke around with you too much, that's why you're always rampin with me...for real that's what we're doing. i'm not giving you the chance to flop by asking you, so wednesdays we're chilling sexy.

:.... one of my people who said they hope you and me patch everything up, cause we look good together, and some other shit, it was a G not one of the mans...

: lol, she's just dying to get married and have her own family, she said her rope is dwindlin lol, who says that shit? 'dwindlin'...lol that was the best.

: i'm hungry and half asleep but excited, looking forward to see ya.

.kisses.

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my week in texts

: ya, she cute. you got eyes like a man lol.. men call it the 'eye of the tiger', when you can spot a cute girl.

: bout the same, still fleeting for a brief moment, but i'm kinda looking for the high... Mmmm kinda like sex where after you cum you still feel the buzz, now as soon as i bust that's it.

: well we shall see how mannnnyyyyy men you bring back.

: what were we warring about again? i thought you said you're a lover not a fighter....text me when your not driving it's dangerous.

: the bloody thing is so addictive. i have no social life cause i'm more concerned about harvesting my crops. LoL. i want to beat gobi so badly!!!

: you really know how to push my buttons eh? you really do!

: not gonna shower, i miss the smell.

: well we don't gotta get drunk, i will cut you off if you know you're past your limit. we can enjoy a few...i don't mess with drunk chicks unless i know they know what they're doing.

: means stay where you are. i'm not proving anything to you.

: just here honestly been waiting to see what's up with you, like i can't hear from you.

: you know i read what you said, and i still can't believe you said that.

: omg, we could go to times square and watch the ball drop!

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my week in texts

: webcamming? what the heck is that... what happened to me and you? yeah eh? ...... and you hurt your leg, must have been real in it... in a wierd position huh.....ha, ur a real freak huh... so when am i gonna get a sample?

: hey sexy. how you doin? miss me?

: then i asked you "would you like to be friends?" your reply was "no".

: while the cats away, the mice will play :)

: that's intense, are you aware of all the repercussions that come along with being 'the other woman?'

: after your class @ my place.

: i stopped takin in ur blog for like a week, and took it in yesterday.. one of your weekly texts was somthin about you fuckin poetry guy, soo that made me think.

: i probably still want you when i'm old and on viagara...

: so cum sleep here with me.

: i'm sayin if you feel alone maybe if you sleep beside someone, or someone holds you, you can get comfortable.

: so what do you plan on rubbin and suckin when i'm done?

: yet it feels like you push me away, even though i care for you and try to be there...but i get cast to the side and you go and talk to guys that keep you as a flex and then ask questions like you don't understand men, and men are dumb....you talkin and dealin with losers when a good guy's in front of your face...

: lay down with me.

: i want you for breakfast

.kisses.

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nablopomo: meet crazy as named gritty.

i make it a point not to deal with, date, breathe the same air as crazy....now.... but i had to learn my lesson first.
and his name was gritty.

i first saw gritty when i was 16. we were at a park concert and he was with his wife and son, he must have been 23. i was instantly attracted to the passion that he had for God and for life, it was so beautiful and that made him beautiful to me. a year later we met at a tim's and we struck up a convo and it was there he fell in love with me. now divorced, i let him know that i had a boyfriend so nothing could gwan. he never hid the fact that he loved me though, telling me always his plans of marrying me.

we became very good friends fast, and our friendship was unhealthy, but we were attached to each other and both blinded to see the extent of the damage that was being done. we were friends for about 6 years, when one day i saw his piercing green eyes, and i realized that i loved him, not only as a friend, but as more than that. i wanted to be with him, and take care of him until his disease killed him. i say take care of him because he was diabetic and very sick, unable to hold a job, constantly in the hospital and shit. i broke up with my boyfriend smooth and told him i was in love with my friend, and against my mom's advice (i swear she knew his ass was crazy the whole time), gritty and i became a couple.

him, irish and sri lankan wanna be jamaican, me, jamaican plus, i was in love with this sick bald headed skinny 'white' guy, and this sick bald headed skinny 'white' guy introduced me to crazy....

and his ass was crazy! ouhhh let me count the ways:
*when we made out he would bark at me! yes i said bark!
*he would get on all fours and sniff the crotch of my jeans beggin to taste her.
*when we would hug, he would press his ear to mine and hold it there. he had an ear fetish.
*verbally abusive. i cried like every convo we had.
*he would hide out in his home talking about man's dem wanting to kill him.
*he felt the need to hide from me that he was arrested and went to trial for attempted murder. i found out because i googled his ass.

so that shit lasted about 3 months before i came to my God-given senses and broke up with him.....via text..... i know you're thinking text message was the wrong thing to do, i then follow up with: upon reading my text he began to curse my life, literally cursed the day i was born, so you can imagine what would have happened if i did it in person (he had previously showed me how to kill someone with one swipe of a baseball bat...yup).... ouhhhh i am soo glad i didn't give him the goodies!

there is sooo much more to this relationship, and i will definitely divulge the ugliness in later posts, but here is what i felt the theme song for our break up was, well from his point of view anyways. and yet this is still one of my fav songs....

.kisses.

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nablopomo: just lay it on the line!

'you're not my girlfriend'

fuck i know! you really don't need to keep reminding me why you don't open up to me, why you're too busy for me, why you feel like you have to 'watch' what you say around me......... what am i doing that's so offensive that you feel the need to remind me what i am not to you?

i'm not your girlfriend. but you want me to be faithful to you? what does faithful even mean when you're in a non-relationship?

"i don't want you fucking anyone else as long as your fucking me" are you being for real?

you claim you wanna break down my emotional walls. you want me to stick around when your ass goes to the army... stick to what? the non-walls we have?

tell me baby, what are you afraid of? i'm not asking you to knight me girlfriend, i'm asking you to be real with me, be open with me, and if this is a waste of time, tell me cause i'll be 30 in 4 years and my ass can't be stuck in 'we're talking'

"whatever this is, is going to go nowhere" and i meant that. there is only so much a grown ass woman can take. i told you 'i'm here', but now that i think about it, where the fuck is here? almost a year "if that's how you want to look at it, ok?" ... almost a year and i'm standing in the middle of nowhere, half expecting leatherface to show up and chainsaw my ass up..it would serve me right. this is clearly my punishment for liking younger men.

*sigh* i invite you to every event my ass is going, and you make me feel like i'm the hunchback of fuckin notre dame, hiding me, not bringing me anywhere (not counting the baseball game baby) 'i don't want my friends to know what i have'.

honey, it seems like what you want, what you have is a fuck friend.

(written in the heat of female frustration and hornyness, i would have probably written it differently tomorrow)

.kisses.

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nablopomo: i don't want a fly guy

i love men. (well i like girls too) but i love men.
i'm completely bi-polar when it comes to the keepers of the cocks though. as you read (hopefully) in an earlier post, there is a special place in my heart for thugs. hard knock lifers, men who smell like hope, fear and the streets, tattooed brothers who don't give a shit! yup, i love me some thugs. on the other hand, i am forever in love with geeks, awkward men who don't know what to with with an ass if it sat on their face (tehehehe).

short pants, white socks, short sleeved button shirts with ties. i love them pocket protectors! LOL. eyes in books, think criminal minds...dr. spencer reed.

there is something about a nerd that turns me the hell on. i guess it's because i'm very aggressive, both in personality and sexually, and the thought of turning a man out, and helping him embrace his inner freak is very appealing to me. but even on a relational level there are times when i don't wanna deal with pussy chasers, the confident men who think every girl wants to smell the sweat on their chest. the kind of man i have to worry about (there i said it), and it's true, i get tired of convincing myself i trust your pretty boy ass, with your waves and shit, when really i don't trust you and your man of the world attitude.

i mean damn it! i'm a huge geek myself, and there are days when i want to just chill out at home (NOT wearing a snuggie), and have a Lord of the Rings marathon.

shy, geeky men have an appeal that confident men don't have. and that will get me everytime.


.kisses.

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nablopomo: you make me wanna hershey's kiss your licorice

i met smooth my 2nd last year in high school. he walked into the cafeteria one day like he owned shit. but he didn't scare me.

"hi my name is (*****)"
"what's up i'm (*******)"
"what school did you come from?"
"st. augustine, i'm here to play ball"

he was acting like he didn't want me, and that threw me off... for a second. but i fell instantly in love with his big brown eyes. this dark chocolate man with light brown eyes stole my heart as i ate my fries (with ketchup and mayo dip). i turned to my girlfriend and told her 'i'm going to marry him'

a grade older than me, he made his move a while later causing instant envy at this outsider who captured the prettiest girl in the school. this tall basketball player, who ran the school was the sweetest man i ever dated. i remember times he would comb my hair in the cafeteria, walk me to my bus before going to play ball, and when my school uniform sweater got torn, he sewed it up for me. he waited almost a year to have sex with me, without pushing me, and when he did he was so nervous

'this pretty light skinned girl is in my bed wanting me to take her',

and once he did i was addicted. and he was too.

'you give the best head i've ever had' while his leg was shaking.

when he finally kissed my kitty "i don't do that", his big strong hands lifted up my leg while he bathed me, he sat down on the tub ledge and his virgin tongue timidly entered my pussy.

this nigga who resembled curtis jackson, but was in no way a thug had me wrapped around his finger. seeing him in a fitted, baggy jeans and a tshirt had my mouth salivating. the very smell of him made my pussy wet and i stole moments with him whenever i could. giving him head in doorways, riding his cock any chance i got. fucking him when his family was home, making him bus again and again. his touch on my arm would cause my knees to buckle, and his kisses caused shivers to run up and down my spine. we spent many days and nights locked together in mutual sweat, all sex funky and there was no where else i wanted to be.

damn. i loved him soo much.
we went through so much together. and when i told him i (think) i liked girls one thanksgiving, he said 'i love you, and i'm going to stay with you through this, but now i have to worry about you leaving me for a girl'

6 1/5 years we were together, and although we are no longer together we are still best friends. he reads my blog, and doesn't question me about it, i offer him my body whenever he needs it. i know he has my back no matter what, and i will always be his ride or die.

baby, this song has always reminded me of you, and it still does.

.kisses.

India Arie - Brown Skin
by Dante35

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do men ever forget?


what i felt like
what i tasted like
the way my ass bounced on the bed
the way it felt in between their teeth
the way i moaned at the first entry, eyes rolled back, nails leaving marks on their back
the way i made them feel good. i made them feel like men.
the way i talked to them and soothed their emotions after a long hard day.
the way i held their hand so their boys can see what they got.


why is it that when my life is going good, the men from my past always want to 'catch up'. clearly i've moved on if i am not the one calling you. now i must admit, there have been a few that have really made an impact on my life, and consequently have been hard to let go, but i've done it, i've moved on, kicking and screaming maybe, but i've moved on....

now i'm not trying to toot my own horn and declare that i am the shit (even though i am), but it just seems like men always want back in. now being a woman, and a naive one at that, i don't understand why.... is it out of boredom on their part, should i feel flattered or feel like a random number on a list of candidates? i've contemplated changing my phone number, but i never do it, i've had the same number for years, and until i get a bonafide stalker i probably never will.


but no matter what the reasoning for the random phone calls, texts, msn im's, i've moved on....so please do the same.


.kisses.

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lipstick and lube: the other woman

let me ask you a question. do i have 'the other woman' written on my forehead in lipstick and lube?

'so you want me to be your mistress?'

i met this guy, we'll call him Red. Red was smooth, very smooth. and a really nice guy, with a really nice smile. so me being the me that i am, walked smoothly over to Red and introduced myself.

'no i want you to be on my team. be my confidant...'

Red and i became fast friends, with an obvious sexual attraction breathing like that girlfriend who's always the 3rd wheel. lunchs, emails, we grew close.

'so you want me to be your chick?'

and then Red told me he was 'domesticated'... what the fuck? domesticated?! yes and with a beautiful child at home. at that very moment, my girlfriend became an annoyance and i told her we could no longer be friends.

'...appreciate the fact that i was real with mine'

months have gone by, and while Red and i have remained close, and have gotten closer, that line thick and yellow bears no smudges, no evidence of being crossed.

until he said after many months of me saying no...
'doesn't matter cause you know i still want you'

and the worst part about it.... i actually thought.... 'umm why not?'

hold up, i know why not! as much as i don't know wifey from eve, she's a fellow woman, a sister, someone who is in one or many ways just like me. what would i be saying to go behind a sister's back and be with her man? and aside from that 'karma is a bitch in a red dress' (la.moi).... enough said.

a couple of years ago, i would have thought nothing to be the other woman, i even fantasized about it, *playing devils advocate* there are benefits to being the other woman, one being that the relationship will go nowhere. the man will rarely to never leave his fam for the other woman, and that's what some women want, the freedom of the single life with the affections and perks of a relationship. and when it ends, a clean break (sometimes not so clean though, because someone is bound to catch feelings)

'...i ain't trying to put shackles on your feet'

'i think you should do it, just try it and see'

but i'm not one of those women anymore, i wouldn't feel comfortable knowing my good friend Red is loving on me, while the mother of his child is waiting for him to come home....smelling like me, his tongue tasting like me, his fingers still tracing me, his clothes sex funky.

Red, if you were really my friend, you would cherish me, is that all i am worth to you, the title of the other woman? giving it another name, (chick, girlfriend, ride ot die) will not change the meaning of the word... slut, homewrecker, whore, kept woman.

'not even... we down for life.... you already know i enjoy your company, creativity, and spunk...we goin get it in'

'ummm... why not?'

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another dose

"some people just are not meant to be your friends, and that's okay, it saves more room for those who are." la.moi

.kisses.

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here's to bad days

listless.

i had a bad day today. head down, eyelashes caressing my pillow. my heart is hurting and i'm trying to deal, but all i can do is cry, i hate crying. but that's all i'm doing.

listless.

i hear voices ... one voice, your voice, trying to console me, but it hurts more and i attempt to cut off my ears.

listless.

no words can comfort me, no songs can sing to me, no band aids can hide the wound, no pictures can have enough mumbles.

so listless i am. until i am listless no more.

until then
.kisses.

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how to talk so he'll listen ::: article msn.com

Take our communication advice and you'll never — we repeat, never — get tuned out by your man again.

By Elise Nersesian, "Women's Health"

Ever notice how even the nicest guy can act like an insensitive dolt when you're trying to convey something important — your fear of being fired, that you're drifting apart from your best friend, even how bummed you are that the two of you have hit a sexual dry spell?
It's not that he doesn't care — really it isn't — it's just that men process information much differently than women, and as a result, your words often get lost in translation. But don't stress, the solution is simple: Learn how to speak his language. We've got great tips.

1. Talk side-by-side. If you're broaching a potentially sticky subject (stuff like your wanting to get married, or his partying too much), avoid a face-to-face conversation. "Although it seems counterintuitive, insisting on eye contact while hashing out an issue can actually make the problem worse," says Scott Haltzman, M. D., co-author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. Looking him directly in the eye can make him feel threatened — and when confronted, men instinctively kick into survival mode, triggering a fight-or-flight response. To put him at ease, talk to him while you're doing something side by side — walking, driving, eating dinner together on the sofa.

2. Cut to the chase. According to a study recently published in the journal NeuroImage, the male brain interprets men's voices as speech and women's voices as music. That's why he can easily focus when one of his buddies drones on about some lame computer game, yet has to work overtime to concentrate on your nightmare-of-a boss tale. To ensure that he hangs on your every word, make your point as quickly as possible. "Men want to get to the bare bones of the matter," Haltzman says. "So grab his attention by using direct statements such as 'Here's why I'm upset' or 'The bottom line is this.'"

3. Let him know you need to vent. When you're telling your guy about your backstabbing best friend and he looks confused, it's not because you're not explaining yourself clearly or he's slow on the uptake. Biological differences make men innate problem solvers; the furrowed brow indicates that his mind is scrambling to find a solution.
"When a woman presents a man with a dilemma, he interprets this as a request to fix her problem, not to simply listen," Haltzman says. Clue him in by letting him know what you need before you make your point. Try prefacing your story with "I just really need to get this off my chest." By telling him what you expect up front, he'll know what to do and be able to give you what you really want: his ear.

4. Stroke his ego. If it seems like every time you ask him for a favor your words go in one ear and out the other, you may need to butter him up more. Men are brimming with testosterone, which makes them competitive, and compliments help them feel important and superior. Let's say he never hangs out with your friends. Feed his ego by saying something like "You're so funny! Actually, my friends could use some cheering up. Can you come out with us tonight?" The positive reinforcement will challenge him to rise to the occasion, and the vote of confidence will make him feel needed.

or you could just play him this song.
luv la.moi



http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlewh.aspx?cp-documentid=21740583#atoolb

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