one minute writer: nervous habits.

i don't do this often, only when i see a writing prompt that interests me, and this one hits very close to home so here goes.

what nervous habits do i have? i wouldn't call this a habit but more like a manifestation. one that i hate with a passion, and has made me very shy and afraid of public speaking. i have a speech impediment. when i get nervous (hysterical, pissed off) i may tend to stutter severly. which is why i think that me going up on stage to perform is an amazing feat i should never take lightly.

my mother said she did not notice my stuttering until i moved to canada at the age of 6. my life turned around drastically after that. i always had friends, and boyfriends and was always popular, but i was teased without mercy being called 'porky pig', (my family still makes fun of me) i used to pray and ask God 'to make me really pretty when i grew up, so no one would care what i sounded like'.

i had speech therapy for 2 years which helped but not really.

as i got older i learned how to control it. now most people can't even tell that i have a speech impediment, i talk very carefully and i have to think about what i need to say before i say it. which is why i find soo much freedom in writing, it literally sets me free from my constraints and betrayels of my speech. once i get comfortable with someone, it becomes more prominant, and to my surprise the men i date actually find it cute, which completely baffles me and makes me wanna gag, because i hate it with an unbelievable passion.

i am afraid for my children, hearing me stutter and thinking it's normal. it's a hard thing to live with, and it does a number on your self esteem, yeah i can hide it well, but i cringe alot inside when i talk. i'm shy, yet very outgoing, i smile alot, laugh alot, and i'm hella of a flirt, but not a moment goes by in which i think about not saying words with s', r's, and w's.

next time you want to make fun of someone who stutters. don't.

.kisses.

p.s. no i don't stutter during sex....LOL

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please don't make me scream at you

http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/2009/10/todays-writing-prompt-scream.html

what makes me wanna scream? the first thing that came to my mind was fake people. and maybe that's because i am at a point in my life where i am the realest i've ever been. don't get me wrong, i've always been truthful to who i was at any point in my life, i always went big or went home, so in the constant evolving and sometimes revolving of time, the person i am now i have bever seen her before. she is different, from me even. she is a cussin', swearing, sex fiend, writer with an overactive imagination, down to earth-highly maintained lady (to name a few), and i am true to who i am right now.

i say that to say this: i hate fake ass people. be real or do us all a favor and go home. cause no one wants the energy of a two facer around them, that shit drags you down, and sometimes makes you question your own realness. no one should have to live two lives, and i know everyone has excuses as to why they do it 'family.friends.work.school.society.religion'... which are all understandable .... for you... but for me, my mantra on life is 'happiness', and i am worth more than my unhappiness for someone else's happiness. why must i live my life on someone else's terms... hell no. when they are dead and gone, who the hell am i gonna be, when my identity or my truth was wrapped up in them (confused, that's what). be real or do us all a favor and go home.

live.love.laugh.above all.live

la.moi

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to bella

http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/2009/09/todays-writing-prompt-connection.html

there are few times in one's life where randomly, inexplicably we fall in love. i'm talking about connection, about meeting someone and just loving them. it's quite saddening that good friends are hard to come by, but whenever the stars align and and two smiles meet, an amazing friendship can be born.

a few years ago, i was working at a well known clothing store and this gorgeous girl, now a woman walked in, recently hired she was nice, sweet and very funny, and i fell in love with her. we hit it off that first day, laughing like a pair of idioits in the back room while i was 'training' her. days, turned into weeks, and we talked about everything under the sun. i became one with her life as she kept me posted on her boyfriend problems, and family woes. months became years, and the memories became real as we talked, and talked and shared some more. upon her leaving the store, i felt as if i had lost a piece of me. but she surprised me and we kept in touch, i became an honory sri lankan as her mom fed me, her dad taught me their history, and i doned a sari to her brother's wedding. and although time sometimes seperated us, with one phone call, nothing seems to have changed.

i nicknamed her bella, because to me, she with her foul mouth, alcholic ways, and willingness to talk, she is truly beautiful.

i saw her on friday, after a few months and it was great being in her presence once again. it was such a good feeling knowing that, as usual we were loud and obnoxious, and surely aggravated someone with our laughing. and as usual we didn't care. at the close of the night, we had one of our most intimate moments, she with her earl grey and me sipping honey lemon, we sat in my car and had a hollywood dragg. " omg, i never thought i would be doing this with lamoi " i laughed.

bella, you are one of my closest friends, and i will always love and appreciate our friendship (no homo).

luv la.moi

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