nablopomo: just me (and my hair)
>> 11.13.2009
a little over 3 years ago, i made one of the biggest decisions in my life. it was one of those big ones that required thought, and tears, and maybe i shouldn'ts, it was definitely not one of my just do it! moments.
yup... i went natural.
i traded in the all day outings at the hair dresser, the relaxers, the burned scalp, the security and the cute flipped hairstyles for my natural texture. my curls, my fear, my confidence and my heightened sexuality. i must admit there are days when i look at my hair pulled into a cheek bone revealing puff and i think to myself 'i miss my straight hair'. i stare at my face, the face which puzzles so many people "where are you from?", and i remind myself that i am not my hair,
but i am.... well kind of....
in a way i have become my hair. natural, without lies, complex (who am i kidding, i was always complex), attention grabbing (who am i kidding there too?). i just love walking into a spot and being one of the only women rocking her hair. and i do mean rocking, because it is fabulous, i am fabulous and fabulosity can't just be worn...like wtf? you gotta rock that shit! loud and proud! ( i just recently dyed the back half burgandy), and sexy as hell. " your a freak aren't you? " apparently being a poet and a natural woman equals down to earth, freak.. it was a triple whammy when i was a vegetarian.
i never realized how much men black, and white love natural hair, love to feel the texture, love to smell it even. a man seems to really appreciate the beauty of the unrulyness of my hair. as poetry guy says, and i quote "i wanna fuck her hard enough that her hair will get so nappy, i can't run my finger's through it"... yes baby, i'm sure.
don't get me wrong, it was hella hard. i am very high maintenace. not gold digger high maintenace, i just like to look good, so going from straight, always done, hair to hair i didn't know what to do with, was like me throwing myself in front of a slow moving train, and not being able to run, nowhere! but i've fallen in love with my hair, this is one time that i thank God for the diversity in my genes (so called 'good hair'), i can go from straight to curly anytime i want. i rock mohawks, fohawks, chiney bumps, french braids, twist outs, wash and go's, and the almighty puff! however i cannot rock an afro! (i don't have the texture for it...sigh). plus i have saved soo much money, it hurts my feelings knowing the trips, and shoes, and purses, and bills, i have spent on my hair. damn!
do i want to go back, no.... well sometimes, but even if i did, there are a dozen people who would kill me before i sat in the hair dressers chair. i made the choice to come over, not because i'm going back to africa, or because i'm joining the cause, but simply i wanted a change. and i'm making the choice to stay. i am not my hair, my hair is a manifestation of who i am. i am me.
teheehehee, plus i love to feel a strong firm hand with a firm hold on my coils jerking my head back to ask me 'do you like that'.
for all my napptural sistahs, or those wanting to do it check out this website, it's helped me and i hope it will help you.
.kisses.
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