kiss.the.pen

update....

2010-01-21T09:51:00.000-05:00

hey everyone!
soooo, here is an update since my last kiss to you guys...

celibacy is not new to me, i've done it twice before, one year each. it's all really a mindset for me, when i tell myself i am not gonna have sex, it stops becoming my focus and i'm able to focus on other things, and that's what i need right now. my focus right now is on rebuilding a relationship with God, as much as i loved being who i became apart from him, i missed him sooo much, and the peace and joy i had with him, i can't recreate that on my own...so i stopped running and ran back to my daddy's arms.

i still haven't written a poem, damn! it's been sooo long, but i'm waiting,..sigh.

the men in my life...lol...the men. poetry guy didn't respond well to me, as he put it "taking it away from him"..but he's always been supportive of everything i've done, so he's in line with my decision...
smooth (my ex) and i are drifting apart and that doesn't make me as sad as maybe it should. i will always love him, but time has been good to us, we had 6 awesome years together, and it may be time to just let go. bus driver was absoultely livid that i locked my legs, cause that reinforces my no to him...hahaha, he's such a fool sometimes. and Red, i haven't heard from him since that blow up over me posting his text messages on here, and frankly i don't care if i never hear from him again. some friendships are just not worth pursuing.

thank you all for you love, and your comments, it took me SOOO long to reply cause everytime i read them i got super emotional. thank you cook for your email *sniffling*..... i've really enjoyed my time with all of you and it touched me soo much that you were soo understanding and encouraging...oh oh (choking up). i've started a new blog, which is clearly going to be different from this one, definitely less sex, and more about my crazy funny life, my inspirations, my love of randoms, my struggles and my journey back to daddy.

so feel free to follow, not out of obligation cause i hate and despise that, but out of love. i've always loved quality over quanitity, and not everything is for everyone.

i love you guys so much, and i wish you all the best in life as i know you do to me.
kisses to all of you!

one last kiss....

2010-01-11T21:39:00.000-05:00

hey kissers!

i am sooo excited for this year, and all the changes that come with it. i'm a big fan of newness and this year is definitely the year for all things new. and with changes, come responsibilities, and awareness....for example i am going back to being celibate until marriage, and i am also renewing my relationship with my first love (some people will definitely know what that means), and so saying that i will be unable to maintain kissthepen as it is right now.

thank you all for following me and for showing me the love you have. seeing fellow bloggers use the term 'favorite' to describe me has really been uplifting to me and i am sooo grateful! i've met some really cool people and i will definitely keep in touch. i am not saying good bye to blogging, but this chapter of my blogging life has been closed. sooo when i come back, you'll know...and you will actually see me for who i am .... still honest, still open, still me.

.kisses, and good wishes to all of you!

my week in texts

2010-01-10T20:44:00.001-05:00

: why are these guys sittin here havin a full out convo about dating, courting, and bein engaged, and how we shud be alone wit girls...lol...sooooo much crap! if i drove i'd dip right away, this convo's wayyyy 2big 4me.

: i'm waitin 2leave from here, but these guys r playin freshy jeopardy. <---freshy is the term for a FOB (fresh of the boat)

: ur food got wahmpd, there were 3plates in the fridge n sum1 boxed urs thinkin it was thiers lol i apologize cuz i think u were lookin 4it. <--- damn right i was looking for it! damn cravin ass people!

: well miss me no more, i'm home. happy new year. <--- poetry guy back from jamdown. i missed him like crazy!

: nothin, just got up, figured i'd c if i cud interest u in sum cereal...yah, cereal n ice cream n the curve above ur ass n uhmmm ur face when we were eatin cereal n uhmmm...lol yah i remember L boogie <--- 'cereal' was how my ex smooth and i talked about sex. L boogie was his hip hop nickname for me.

: glad i can still make u blush, we need 2chill 4real, no later than next week. i don't c y u always take 4evr 2chek me or make me hav 2link u? <--- 'chill' was also how we talked about having sex.

: goodness gracious me woman, you're hhooottt!

bonus convo between bus driver and i

(poetry guy tells me i'm not as innocent as i make myself seem, because i encourage these conversations)

"wanna watch me get head"

"no thanx"

"are you on msn"

"yeah"

"just watch she's good"

"naw....past experiences have been unimpressive"

"does your phone get video"

"yeah...."

"trust you'll enjoy this"

"eh.... if she is like the other girls i've seen, i won't.

it will be a waste of my time"

he then proceeds to send me video #1

"did you get it"

"yeah i got it...lol"

"you like"

"it was interesting, she was kinda cute, and your

dick looked nice and juicy. i'm glad you enjoyed yourself"

in comes video part two, followed by video #3 and 4

"did my *** enjoy that?"

"it was ok...it was nice to watch"

"i want to have a three sum with you..would you fuck her?"

"idk"

"she more ur type no?"

"lol.....yeah"

"she pretty crazy in bed... she one of my old things....
she married now lol"

"what's her name?"

"a****"

(this convo is soo long, but that was most of what went on....i tried uploading one of the videos, and it didn't work.)

.kisses.

random memory & first award of 2010

2010-01-07T13:53:00.002-05:00

i love the randomness of life.... it keeps things interesting and makes life worthwhile in the end. especially when in the most obscenely normal moments, you remember something that makes you stop and blink...lol....like today when i was in the shower, the water streaming over me, i remembered an ex telling me .....

'i want to watch you shit. not a normal shit. but a hard shit.'...

i responded with 'what the hell is wrong with you!'...

i almost drowned in the shower i was laughing so hard! ahh memories...

********************************

my first award of 2010 (these things always make me tear up) was given to me by dave 'loose cannon' wills, for sure check him out, he's hilarious.

i took his blog award virginity some time ago, and i'm glad to know i still make him happy. a big kiss to dave!

soo, i need to

1. list 10 things that make me happy

2.tag 10 bloggers that brighten my day

3.link back to the person who gave me this award.

*sleep. as i am writing this i haven't slept in about 3 weeks. so i am the #1 member of the sleep appreciation club.

*sex. ya'll should know that by now.

*making people laugh. i am a very funny person, but not selfishly, i genuinely love making people feel good.

*music. music makes me super emotional. i cry, i ponder, i get depressed, but most of all it makes me happy.

*the office, criminal minds, bones, according to jim, and reba. ohh and spongebob, and fairly odd parents, oh and the mighty B...i think that's it.

*writing. yeah, ya'll should know that too.

*changing up the game in everything i do. i am such a unique, creative person and i try to rock that to the fullest.

*my snails. i have 9 and i love them. in my quiet moments i watch them live and i smile cause i'm happy.

*it makes me happy when people think they can outsmart me. thou fool.

*life. life makes me happy because i choose for it to.

these bloggers brighten my day...* tha unpretentious narcissist * kween * lyrik brown aka ms. minnie * cook * sinfullyo * jaye * eury * soul powers * lilly * xxxx *

here's to all of you! and keep the random memories of life alive.

.kisses.

my week in texts

2010-01-03T21:36:00.000-05:00

: what's goin on sexy? what you up to?.....you should cum drift off with me

: where did your boytoy go on vaycay? .... and your missin him like that? like you're in luv? <--- 3in dicks shouldn't question how i feel about anyone.

: ur such a tease

: you noticed that i haven't called you yet...to be honest, i'm building up some more courage...lol!

: ***** i want u to never forget that ur a plus and never a minus in my life.

: your blog is serious...u capture texts from the week and post up wow

: wow! i all caught one or two of my texts on dat...now i gotta watch what i say/do with you. damn ma, what's up with that yo... <--- Red saw that i posted his texts

: i hear you, but why yo is it necessary?...honestly though you should be making money off that blog...we need to talk.

: lmfao @fool who is you... did you write who they were from? omg you're so dry to him! have you guys done anything? <--- re: the previous text situation

: oh yeah, i forgot you said you didn't sleep last night. "2:15, still awake staring at my eyelids"..lol you're friggin stuuuuupid lol

: you should have called me, i would have picked you up and brought you to my house, we could have found something to do

: and barf i got my period today ew

: 4 real happy new years, luv u 4real. next year we should really try and be 2gether

: aawww happy new year la smooch! love u back! <--- i love this woman for real!

: was tryin to have fun with you sexy

: omgsh.. we need that music that they play at award shows when the people start talking too long...

: i will never be too busy that i can't talk to you... i don't think you realize how special you are...nothing will change

** note: the texts i post are ones that i have recieved over the previous week**

.kisses.

skin on skin...repost

2010-01-02T14:30:00.001-05:00

skin on skin.... the most initimate part is not the kisses, the caresses, nor the sexual love itself, it's the skin to skin contact....

skin touching... skin breathing.... skin forming

my skin melting into the safety of your skin

created to embrace me

skin smelling like intimacy

skin tasting like weeping

skin creating valleys, rivers bleeding from skin

and skin dejecting the realities of time

to be present, here... in this skin.

skin vulnerable... skin paining

skin feeling like breaking

as skin meets draining kisses

suffocating hugs and stressed caresses

my skin ugly, hiding from the beauty of your skin

flawless, perfect... your fingertips speak to my skin

and becomes ink on my skin

staining my skin with your love of my skin

golden in the light of a vanilla flicker

hot wax on my skin

skin close

your skin on my skin

hairs intertwining writing verses

and rhyming to the sound of skin needing skin

wanting skin, yearning skin

feeling the slippery sensation of skin

becoming skin... a spiritual transaction

felt from within... skin burning

Skin on skin,

Like silver smoke

On purple golden butterfly wings

You infect my being

Like yellow rays amidst the gray fog

You affect my seeing

Like the sand man

blowing magic dust on bedroom eyes

You influence my dreaming

And I dream of skin on skin

sweat beads drip on skin

like hot breath on skin

and skin drinks it in

your life replenishes my skin

your skin thaws my skin

and i can’t live without your skin

i can’t breathe without your skin

so skin on skin i stay here, present

finally alive in my skin.

.kisses.

late night ramblings on truth

2009-12-30T04:18:00.002-05:00

i love truth, and honesty. as you can tell (if you are a regular reader), i try to be as honest with myself as i can, which is a big feat for me, because as i stated before i am not a very honest person.

i really am not. i can tell a lie like no one's business, and more often than not i get away with it too. but life has a funny way about it, and a few years ago, i decided to embrace honesty. and i've embraced it to the fullest. it hasn't been easy (let me tell you), but this is one time when my stubborness works in my favor. and the reason for my turn around is this... i was accosted by the truth.

and the truth was this... 'when you come in contact with something you deem to be true, you are now accountable to that truth'. there it is was. so simple, so big, and so life changing. let me break it down so even my blonde self can fully grasp it... when i hear something or realize something that my soul (my will, my intellect and my emotion) agrees with, i am now held to that truth, and i have to make a choice whether or not to live my life denying that truth, or embracing that truth.

if for my whole life i was taught that the sky is red,

and one day i wake up, look to the sky and i see the

most wondrous velvet blue, and my soul

(will, intellect and emotion) identifies that the sky is blue,

i now have to decide, 'do i live as if the sky is still red,

or do i embrace the truth and live as if it is blue'.

these are a few truths that i have come across for myself...and what i now live my life by.

truth #1 : happiness must always be the bottom line. i see people living miserable ass lives, just because they compromised on their happiness, and i determined within myself that happiness will always be my goal. at the end of the day, i must can look at my life and fall asleep content. anything else is not an option.

truth #2 : words are life and words are death. everything that comes out of our mouth carries a tag, and can help us succeed, or bring us failure. words hurt more than stones, and words heal more than medicine. i have to be so careful what comes out of my mouth, knowing me you will come to realize i can be horribly, bitingly sarcastic, and i love to tease people... but even in jest words can do a lot of harm...i hate that truth!

truth #3 : the word friend has lost it's meaning. we don't even know what a true friend is, or the responsibilites it carries. when i find a friend, i only call them friend after i've fallen in love with their spirit. and i love to fall in love with people's spirits, it's such a beautiful thing, because when you are tied to someone's spirit, the bond is that much stronger and more fulfilling. and it will come to be known that i am fiercely loyal... maybe annoyingly so...idk.

truth #4 : say what you mean, and mean what you say, everything else is just verbal diahhrea. you can drag your hand through it, trying to find some substance, but it will just be a pile of brown (or green) watery shit in your hand. hence my quest for honesty... liars fail at life with this.

truth #5 : advancement and liberty can breed ignorance. not everything is a right. we have mistaken privilages for rights, and sometimes we need to shut the hell up and sit down.... children suing parents for grounding them from their 'toys' and the courts ruling in the rotten kids favor..what bloody the hell on earth?!

truth #6 : no one has life easy. many people like to believe that some people have life easy, so they can justify their crying of rivers. everyone goes through crap, life is unfair to everyone, mansion or street corner, we all go through something. sometimes i need to talk about it, as a therapy or as a means of encouraging someone else, sometimes i need to shut the hell up and move the hell on.

truth #7: someone, somewhere around the world is doing, thinking, pondering the exact same thing you are. this baffles my mind everytime i think on it. i am not alone, we are not alone. when i cry, someone is crying along with me, when i am happy, so is someone else...when i am getting the best head of my life, someone will be cumming along with me (had to throw that in there). we are never alone.

truth #8 : God does not put up with fuckery. very rarely do i talk about my past life, and i have my own reasons for that, but i grew up in the church, i was basically born at the altar, i was even getting ready to go into full time minstry, so when i do talk about it, i know exactly what i'm talking about. it pisses me off, when people act like God is a damn idiot, like he's grinning all up and down your shit. news flash, he's not, and as much as that is not my life anymore, i know better than to act like me and God are batty and bench, and go disrespecting him, acting like a damn fool. and i'm not going to hide behind the all too played out "don't judge me" crap, because truthfully if my actions do not match up with my words, someone should call my ass out...hence truth#4

truth #9 : love conquers all. i am a hopeless romantic, who has had her heart broken many times, but i will always believe in love. the love of life, the love of endurance, the love of awareness and self acceptance, the love of peace, joy and happiness, the love of believing. love conquers all.

the truth hurts. it has hurt me many a times, but only because it has challenged me to grow up, to change the way i think and to enhance my quality of life. so pursuit of this life, i will continue to embrace honesty, truth and the challenges that come with it. and really, i love the velvety blue of this sky much better.

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-12-27T18:44:00.002-05:00

: he broke her neck, he back flipped on her f'n face like who does that?...and the dj said 'she ras dead drown, dat look serious'. wow never ever before.

: wowww!!! i just took in your text about good sex. lol, you and your twitterholics don't have any sense.

: yeah, she's still a virgin, and i know when she bruk out, she's gonna be out there.

: do i get to unwrap you?.......ok, just lemme know when you figure out that tree is fake and you want real pine. <--- really? 3in dicks shouldn't talk about real pine

: turn on your webcam, let's play.

: i will eat it off your chest..... i do wanna play again though.

: ya, he's the type to lock something down quickly. i'm not up for that right now. i'm commitmentphobic lol.

: um ye, but i'm disgusted with him, i think back to his antics and i want to vomit.

: hail no! you will not catch me dead amid the stupid ass people that think they're getting such a good deal. damn fools.

BONUS text convo between myself and bus driver

dec 25 1:35am - 2:29am

" i guess you found a new dick to please you"

"ummm, who is this?"

"wow and you erased my number too, nice"

k***? why the randomness? it's 1:39 in the morning..."

"thoughts of your sweet pussy woke me"

"lol... you haven't had my sweet pussy for a couple of years"

"but i've seen her drip"

"true.... you have. but you have other pussies to drip for you"

"just like you and your other dicks"

"i only have one dick"

"let's be real, you don't want to date me, but need a man to fuck you good when you need it. i'm that guy. these guys you keep fucking do nothing for you"

"k*** you just hate knowing someone else is fucking me.

you only want my pussy cause someone else has it"

"no, i wanted it before"

"sigh... you're right. i don't understand why though...

you have pussy all around you"

"it's your's i want. to me, it could be the best i ever had"

" lol.... i highly doubt it. i know what's going to happen,

if you get it, you're gonna bounce (again)

"stop with that me bouncing stuff. i wanna beat it now and for a very long time after"

"lol"

"so...?"

"sooo, what do you want me to say k***?"

"do you wanna see me unwrap my dick?"

"on webcam?" <--- i'm hoping this was drunk texting

and he fell asleep.

.kisses.

cocktales and goodbyes

2009-12-26T16:13:00.002-05:00

continued from pink lips and goodbyes, read it here and follow the colors

his eyes immediately light up, as his dick jumps up to meet my mouth. we both laugh breaking the comfortable silence that had settled. my nails follow the wet line of my tongue, etching this memory forever into his skin, sharp inhales signal to me that i’ve dug too deep, i smile. hovering over his dick, i pause and take a deep breath inhaling the sweetness of his manhood, i bury my face into the patch of hair adorning it, and his body trembles with anticipation. i kiss him. soft, light pecks on the tip of his head causes it to jump. i kiss him again, this time with a little texture. swirling my tongue around his pink sensitivity, i proceed to nibble it like the chocolate delight it is “how many licks until i hit the cream” i wonder to myself.

lick. lick. lick.
stroke. stroke.
longggg stroke.
lick.

tight stroke.

not forgetting the good part of any chocolate bar, i continue to stroke as my mouth pays attention to his nuts...

ass pushed up in the air. perky boobs barely hanging anywhere. i’m a slave to the creation lying before me. the septor in my mouth, i look at him, his face less than serene begging for me to suck his dick. i straighten up, exposing my golden skin to his hungry eyes, his fingers caress my navel as i release my curls from its band. gazing at him, i hold the brown longing in his eyes with mine, as a drop of spit falls purposefully from my lips onto his dick. i give him what he wants. groans, and deep breaths escape from his throat, his hands pulling at my curls, his dick loving the sweet wetness of my mouth. up and down, i use my hands to stroke his shaft as my tongue invades the tip of his dick, pushing my tongue into his hole, his leg begins to tremble...uh uh hun..not happening yet, i slow down, and proceed to make love.

eyes fixed on my pink lips covering his chocolate, he mutters "look at your lips. i love your lips on my dick" his hands, strong yet trembling turn me around so he is gazing at the length of my body, i knew what he wanted. cocking my ass, and spreading my legs i make preparation to receive his fingers, oops.. my pussy juice dripped onto the bed. his hands begin to caress me, and then.... “ouch! damn it!”, my skin red and stinging welcomes his smacks, and kneads, and swirling my ass in the air, i create the rhythm his fingers fuck to. my mouth speeds up, sucking the tip, i pull a trick i think he’s never had before and his gasps tells me i’m right. “what the fuck?” he said as his eyelids fluttered, i laughed.

on intervals, i suck and nibble, his body tensing and relaxing on my whim while i tricked his ass out, “okay, okay, i’m reacting”. i pause to take a breath and he siezes his chance, standing up he thrusts forward, fucking my mouth, and between soft teeth dragging and my tongue, i blow him out. hand fast in my hair, his grip tightens as he continually pushes to the back of my throat. fuck! i’m gagging, he smirks. hands still entangled in my hair he tips my head up “come up and kiss me, i want to cum inside of you”......

.kisses.

'tis the season

2009-12-24T20:27:00.002-05:00

‘tis the season, for bustle, hustle, gifts, food, family, friends, and love.

i’m not one to celebrate christmas as it is widely celebrated and accepted, it’s been about 2 years since i’ve stopped, but that doesn’t mean i don’t find joy in the happiness of the season.

so in celebration of this joyous time, i hope for you all joy, peace, happiness, awareness, kisses, affectionate glances, cake, icing, hope and laughter. may faith and trust find you well, and may you strive to be different from the norm and create your own traditions with those you love.

that is what i love about the seasons of life, we are able to make our own traditions, to veer of the path and be unique in our celebrations. i don’t celebrate christmas, but i indulge in the giving, the loving, the selflessness, the pride, the passion and the hope of the season. i indulge myself in those around me daily which on one hand takes away from the special-ness of the time, but on the other hand it adds to it...uhmmmm...weird.

kisses to all of you, enjoy the pain of a long held smile on your face and eat some ice cream (and rum cake)for me.

'if you have something to do, someone to love and something to hope for, everyday becomes a celebration'

pink lips and goodbyes

2009-12-21T20:31:00.001-05:00

‘yeah come over’
‘ok, i’ll be there soon’
7:33pm i lock my house door
8:15pm ‘baby, i’m here’

warm almost hot shower drops rain down on my body as he stares at me “why are you looking at me like that” i ask, with a touch of attitude, covering up my uneven breasts. his hands, which bring me soo much pleasure time and time again pulls my shy insecurities away. ‘can’t i look at the body i love?’ eyes full of care gaze at me and settles on my full, now swollen lips ‘baby, your lips are so pink, i bet no man other than me can get them that pink’ the pink fullness parts and before devouring his perfectly formed lips, i shrug ‘i love a good kiss’.

‘honey can you stop being difficult for one minute and let me just fuck you, damn’. i had just walked in from the cold, and already we were arguing. i met that remark with silence. i’m mad at him for some stupid female reason, he sees me pouting, knowing full well it’s because i really don’t want him to leave. ‘you know what? stay there, i don’t want to fuck you anymore’ his tipsy ass falls on the bed and i make my move. ‘i didn’t drive my ass all the way here to not get fucked!’ i demand. stripping off my clothes, swiftly but seductively, i climb on the bed hoping he notices i wore his favourite bra... ‘get off of me’ he declares. i bite down and leave my mark.

his hands, rubbing my breasts as the shower washes off all scents of our separate lives, strokes me into relaxation. tonight for these few hours we will smell only of each other. hugging, caressing, moaning as i rub soap all over his body, fingers lingering over peaked nipples, his hands find their way to my ass as he cups them and holds me close. shower water annoyingly gets in between the mingling of our skin, the shower water is no longer welcome. i tip toe, kissing his dick with my pussy lips, ‘taste me...am i ok?’ i ask, as i rub my right breast on his chest

i manoeuvre my small hands around his frame stripping of his clothes, there is nothing sexy about my prowess at this point, and i’m okay with that. my skin is yearning his skin without excuse. finally he’s naked, goosebumps rise on my skin as i glance over his perfection. i hold his hands so he can’t touch. me, on top grinding against his growing manhood, thick and juicy, curved yet perfect. me, nibbling, sucking, biting, horny, anticipating his entrance, hot. me, thirsty. ‘baby, can you get some ice please?’ me, watching him walk away, knowing that he’ll be back.

his mouth opens as he tongues the spot right by my collar bone. his lingering sigh tells me i’m ready for his sex. ‘grab the brown towel’ i reach for it and step out the bathtub, my clumsy ass almost falling out, and drying myself off, i walk towards the bedroom. once inside, i reach for my lotion, he eyes me ‘put that down, you’ll be moist in a bit’. with eyes never leaving my body, he anchors his hands around my waist and guides me toward his bed, lit up by one solitary bulb.

two ice cubes clink together in a wine glass, i straddle him once again and slowly finger the ice cube while talking to him with my brown eyes. the moment the ice cube touches his skin is one i replay even now. his face tells me all i need to know. i float the ice cube over his left nipple, and hungrily lick it off knowing he loves that shit. the trail of my kisses follow the cold tease to his right nipple and his fingers seek for relief. i remove his neediness from my pussy as my pink lips nibble, suck and lick their way to his chocolate delight.....

.kisses.

my week in texts (and msn)

2009-12-20T21:24:00.002-05:00

: the cheesecake's gwainin right now. tell me something sweet you like to eat ;)

: the recession has served notice at my house, bully beef pasta sauce and spaghetti lol....

: she's soft like on another level, and like i said if she saw hood she would grab her stuff and run to the nearest battered woman's shelter and seek mental help.

: hey where are you? when are you coming home? can you please get me some ice cream? <---from my younger sister....she called me 55 times...i have no words.

: good to hear you're better now...i'm good. so what's new?...when we goin link, i miss your company.

: woman's sex prayer ** as i lay him down to fuck, i pray he rips this pussy up, but if his dick is small and weak, lord i pray this man can eat. amen!**

: hahahaha amazingness, i told char i'm getting it tattooed on my back. <-- re: the previous text..i luv this chick!

: you get so wet, she would enjoy eating you. and would you go down on her?

: you were honestly the most arousing lover i ever had. i miss our encounters alot. i still fantasize about you.

: i actually do like you, and would like to have a chance to kick it. it would be inspirational for your art i think...a new perspective. <-- my former ex asking me to visit him in korea.

tearing thank-you for loving my blog

2009-12-19T12:06:00.002-05:00

a few days ago i was given the 'i love your blog' award by cook.the.poet, da_kween, and tha unpretentious narcissist, thank-you very much for loving my blog, it's humbeling and it makes me smile. kisses to all of you! please check them out, they are all insightful, great writers and hilarious!

also vincia @ mochasister has given me her own 'i love your blog' award. a big kiss to you hun! thank-you very much for loving my blog.

so because i don't follow that many blogs yet, i will pass on one and keep the other one for another time.

so to..... * jaye ,interrupted * 'the good life' by jenelle jenkins * single girl in san diego * sinfullyo * candy janee * pretty pacino * ..... i love your blog!

___________________________

it's funny, i really wasn't expecting the award i created to come back to me, but it did.

thank-you cook.the.poet, and t-charry for peeping through my windows and loving what they see! kisses to the both of you! if you have not creeped them yet,you should do so, they are too very different bloggers who both have something to say.

i'm only going to pass it on to one blog this time though * trey anthony * (for my canadian readers, she's the mastermind behind da' kink in my hair )

8 things a voyeur / peeing tom will catch me doing.

* sleeping : because i am a chronic insomniac, and have been for a good number of years, i molest sleep whenever i can get it
* masturbating while watching girl on girl porn or while reading a few of the naughty blogs i follow: i have no more words...
* watching tv, or movies : i am a confessed tv and movie addict
* talking on the phone : kween says 'you sound like white girl'...and she's not lying. lol
* texting, and sexting : i have many addictions
* webcamming and sexcamming : not so much anymore cause my two regulars were being pussies and i cut them off
* blogging : i love it.

* reading : i'm not the book worm i use to be, but i still try and read a lot.

kisses to all my readers, those who comment and those who just creep from afar.... it continues to baffle me, but i won't question it...lol.

.kisses.

today is the day for great sex

2009-12-18T15:39:00.003-05:00

a few weeks ago on twitter (truthfully it could have been a few days ago, because twitter time makes real time look weird) the trending topic was #in2010. and as most trending topics go, i was being my smart ass self, (#in2010 i will have more great sex often....i promise), but i had a moment in which it caught me and really made me think.

what if 2010 never comes? what if i am the unlucky bugger to choke on my apple pie and ice cream? (yumm). all my big dreams and aspirations for the stroke of midnight and beyond will never come true. damn it! i want to have great sex more often now!

#in2010 i will say more of what i want to and not care about the response
expectations suck! #in2010 i will live life with no preconcieved notions. whatever happens, be it happiness or pain happens.
.......#in2010 big dicks only!
#in2010 i will still not go to the gym
#in2010 i will have more sex in public places

really?

why wait until i kiss a lover or a random stranger amidst tears, laughter and flowing alcohol to take a new direction in my life. what about today? these few days before new years are just as good as any to live and live life more abundantly. that is something i took from my christian upbringing, to live life to the fullest every day, because you may not be blessed with a tomorrow. yeah some people need the added motivation of something to look forward to, something to push towards, and i get that, and being the natural encourager i am i will be there helping them push, but for me, i need to look forward to today, today i will say more of what i want and not care about the response, today i will live life with no preconceived notions, today i will accept big dicks only. today i will apply my mottos of life, because today is worthy

i am determined that 2010 will not be my starting point, it will be my continuation. anything i want to change, add, delete, or enhance, i will do that today, because living an abundant life is not waiting for the big bang, it’s not waiting for permission to start over, it’s taking each minute as it comes and living the shit out of it.

and that moment, the moment in which my smart ass self settled down and pondered, is exactly the moment i needed. i’ve allowed myself to get so lazy since i lost my job, when i know i have things to accomplish, dreams to live out and places i want to go, and i could wait until the stroke of midnight to start, but today looks too damn good to pass up.

life motto: i have dreams. but my dreams aren't worth shit unless they become my reality. i have fears... damn right i have fears! but my fears propel me to make a fool of my insecurities. life is not life, unless life is lived. fuck my fears, i'm gonna live! dreams, meet my reality

‘......to live the greatest number of good hours is wisdom’ ralph waldo emerson

.kisses.

TMI blog award: spreading the love

2009-12-15T19:57:00.004-05:00

100th blog post! *yayyyyy*

I’m big on celebrations! I try to celebrate every major and minor occurrence in my life, which is why i had to celebrate my 100th blog post. these past couple of months have been tres interesting and i’ve loved every minute of it. i’ve evolved before my very own eyes and i’m glad i pushed myself to do this.

so, in pondering how i would celebrate this milestone, two weeks ago i decided to show my appreciation to my favourite bloggers (who i visit all the time to get my fix), for allowing me to explore my voyeuristic interests.... expanding the definition from the sexual to include the real, the vulnerable, and the honest.

so to..... * ms.xtacee * ebony panther * pashun * cook * katlynne laSalle * ms.plume * bree * secretia * soul powers * black pearl * the soul of it all * da_kween * camE * lionsvictory * tha unpretentious narcissist * ubong da * lady j * spoken word *......i award you the TMI blog award.

Thank-you all for doing what you do, and for allowing us and especially me a peek into your life and into your mind.

TMI blog award rules

*post the award on your blog

*list 8 things a voyeur / peeping tom could potentially catch you doing if

they were watching you

*award up to 8 bloggers who match the criteria this award

*make sure they know you enjoy peeping through their windows

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-12-13T16:41:00.000-05:00

: you like the control, i like being the victim.

: what is it that i do? you said you wanna creep, u wanna just show up, these are your rules...now tell me what i do wrong, so i can do it right.

: mel just got let go cause she's a whore....i mean that in the literal sense....ya! at the christmas party she got tanked, and some dude from the 8th floor had his hand up her dress, only for the entire christmas party to see.. ya, she's engaged and buddy is married! lmao

: someone showed me i joke around with you too much, that's why you're always rampin with me...for real that's what we're doing. i'm not giving you the chance to flop by asking you, so wednesdays we're chilling sexy.

:.... one of my people who said they hope you and me patch everything up, cause we look good together, and some other shit, it was a G not one of the mans...

: lol, she's just dying to get married and have her own family, she said her rope is dwindlin lol, who says that shit? 'dwindlin'...lol that was the best.

: i'm hungry and half asleep but excited, looking forward to see ya.

.kisses.

sex tips#1: men take one for the team and have some sex!

2009-12-10T19:43:00.002-05:00

A big kiss to all who voted on the poll, it was interesting to see your thoughts on this subject. I will keep the results up a bit longer. MUAH

for majority of us with vaginas, when it comes to aunt flo we feel we have an excuse to whine, bitch and complain about everything named life. for a smaller number of us, when it comes to aunt flo our lustful nature increases and horniness takes over. i’m talking jump on a random joe and traumatize his johnson horniness. now what this jekell and hyde act does to the men in our life makes me sometimes wonder why they stick around the other 3 weeks of the month.

yet in spite of that, only 7 out of the 15 people who took the poll have had sexual intercourse during what my mom calls the ‘menses’, and only 2 of them have claimed to ‘love that shit!’. i however am not one of the two, i am one of those women whose horny level doesn’t jump that far up during my period, because truthfully I’m horny all the time. as for the red sex, it’s not that great to me. i’ll do it, if my man wants to, but I can do without it. (who am i really kidding).

historically, sex during the menstrual cycle has been seen as taboo because we were taught that the blood is dirty, nasty and unclean. last year, I brought up this topic to the horror of my mother and her response was ‘eww nasty’. like many things, society, tradition and gross misconceptions have told us what we can and cannot do. sex during aunt flo’s intrusion is not only normal and a part of a healthy sex life but if done safely, carries benefits.

men, if your woman complains of cramps, forgo the massage and have some sex.

sex during her period can actually cure the dreaded cramps. cramps are caused by prostaglandins in the uterine lining, which produce the contractions that move the menstrual blood out of the uterus, so when she hits her orgasm, and starts speaking in tongues the excess prostaglandins get used up due to the natural contractions an orgasm brings, which can also aid in kicking aunt flo out of the house sooner. and who doesn’t want her red ass gone? lets do the math... sex + orgasm = less bitching, whining and complaining.

for those of my freakier people, don’t let the red sauce deter you from pleasuring or getting pleasured the old fashioned way. there are products such as dentals dams (which also come flavored) and the good old condom to aid in oral sex. (i can just imagine the faces getting screwed up right now) LOL. i actually had an ex tell me he wanted to ‘chew on my bloodclot’...no comment!

in any case, sex during the ‘menses’ needs to be done safely, always wrap it up! it is blood and it will carry std’s, don’t let no one use that ‘you don’t trust me’ shit, you can’t see trust when you're itching your crotches like a fool. also although high unlikely, it is possible to get pregnant, so once again wrap it up!

so freaky fellas and lustful ladies, lay down some towels, turn down the light if your feeling squirmish, and make some love. fellas, if she’s sexy to you, she’ll still be sexy, have her on her back, look into her eyes and and tell aunt flo she gotta go! ladies, why work yourself into a frenzy, and punish yourself? go get you some!

.kisses.

the p*ssy beggar: laycocking at it's finest.

2009-12-08T10:40:00.002-05:00

i was asked to do a guest blogger post for candydiaries.com , please check it out and leave your kisses at her door. let me know if you have ever been in that situation, and if you can relate. here is a snippet of what i had to say...

Laycock: v. the act of begging for sex. “So when you gonna cum lay with me?”

Being a strong minded woman, who knows what she wants, especially when it comes to sex, I’m all for men being dominant and assertive. The kind of man who has no qualms about telling me exactly what he wants, and that his want is me, not in the dutty, feel up my ass and attempt to brush up against my boobs way, but the eyes locking, hair tingling, “I want to make you feel good”, smooth bedroom voice way.
But there seems to be a new breed of man, infiltrating the scene, the type of man we may all be able to relate to, the pussy beggar.... continue reading here

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-12-06T17:45:00.000-05:00

: ya, she cute. you got eyes like a man lol.. men call it the 'eye of the tiger', when you can spot a cute girl.

: bout the same, still fleeting for a brief moment, but i'm kinda looking for the high... Mmmm kinda like sex where after you cum you still feel the buzz, now as soon as i bust that's it.

: well we shall see how mannnnyyyyy men you bring back.

: what were we warring about again? i thought you said you're a lover not a fighter....text me when your not driving it's dangerous.

: the bloody thing is so addictive. i have no social life cause i'm more concerned about harvesting my crops. LoL. i want to beat gobi so badly!!!

: you really know how to push my buttons eh? you really do!

: not gonna shower, i miss the smell.

: well we don't gotta get drunk, i will cut you off if you know you're past your limit. we can enjoy a few...i don't mess with drunk chicks unless i know they know what they're doing.

: means stay where you are. i'm not proving anything to you.

: just here honestly been waiting to see what's up with you, like i can't hear from you.

: you know i read what you said, and i still can't believe you said that.

: omg, we could go to times square and watch the ball drop!

nablopomo: music, life and blogging

2009-11-30T23:59:00.002-05:00

i'm done!
like seriously i'm really done!
this november blogging challenge is over, and i've made it....tired and with hurting brain cells, but i made it nonetheless. a big kiss to kween, who accepted the challenge, and to butterfly effect who also accepted but was unable to finish for extraneous reasons. both of these women i have come to respect and admire, and i'm glad we did this together.

throughout this month, i let you in on what songs impacted my life and why. music is a huge part of my being, and i hope you learned somethings about me. thank you for reading, taking part in my memories and leaving me your kisses.

soo, to celebrate this milestone i will divulge more info about me...lol.
thank you to butterfly effect for sending me these 10 questions as the challenge winner for guessing the meaning of "hollywood draggin" correctly (which was smoking. i was a benson and hedges super slims smoker for a month of my precious life).

1. Do you believe in God?
i do. both of my parents are pastors and i was brought up in the church, and was very active in ministry ready to be a fulltime minister. i'm now considered a backslider however, i've stopped living in the way i was brought up to the pain of my parents.

2. What is your happiest memory as a child?
i must say it was being a daddy's girl. my father and i have had a strained relationship since i was 13. but before that i was soo in love with my daddy, and i miss that.

3. How do you feel about President Obama now that he's been in office for a while?
i must admit i'm not one to follow politics, and when i do i follow what's going on at home.

4. If you could go back in time and change anything, what would it be?
i would change soo many things, one being dropping out of university. i didn't get to go to the school i wanted, hence i had to change my major. i couldn't take it anymore, and the financial strain on my parents was a lot so i dropped out.

5. What is your dream job?
if i could sleep and get paid, that would be it! for real though to write for a living, or to share my poetry for a livng would be absolutely perfect!

6. What would be your dream vacation?
i have always dreamed about going to visit all the concentration camps, even before going away to the usual hot countries, or to the mother land, i guess it's the jewish in me.

7. What is your favorite color?
hot pink, black, and poetry.

8. Why do you choose to be anonymous?
no stealth reason, but i find that when people know who you are they can get too comfortable and too familiar with you, which is not always a bad thing, but it's not something i want right now.

9. Are you in debt? If so, how much?
the only debt i have is my unpaid balance on my credit card. $245.00. i've seen my parents live and struggle with debt and i've promised myself that, that will never be me.

10. What is your favorite meal?
i'm such a typical jamaican...LOL. my fav meal is bully beef (corned beef cooked down) and white rice.

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-11-29T22:54:00.000-05:00

: webcamming? what the heck is that... what happened to me and you? yeah eh? ...... and you hurt your leg, must have been real in it... in a wierd position huh.....ha, ur a real freak huh... so when am i gonna get a sample?

: hey sexy. how you doin? miss me?

: then i asked you "would you like to be friends?" your reply was "no".

: while the cats away, the mice will play :)

: that's intense, are you aware of all the repercussions that come along with being 'the other woman?'

: after your class @ my place.

: i stopped takin in ur blog for like a week, and took it in yesterday.. one of your weekly texts was somthin about you fuckin poetry guy, soo that made me think.

: i probably still want you when i'm old and on viagara...

: so cum sleep here with me.

: i'm sayin if you feel alone maybe if you sleep beside someone, or someone holds you, you can get comfortable.

: so what do you plan on rubbin and suckin when i'm done?

: yet it feels like you push me away, even though i care for you and try to be there...but i get cast to the side and you go and talk to guys that keep you as a flex and then ask questions like you don't understand men, and men are dumb....you talkin and dealin with losers when a good guy's in front of your face...

: lay down with me.

: i want you for breakfast

.kisses.

nablopomo: in the words of weezy f. baby

2009-11-29T00:31:00.001-05:00

...'i'm an alien'
laymans terms, i'm an artist.
i'm a writer.
i've known i was different since i was a little girl, rocking bubbles and clips. my mind has always operated on a different level than those around me. not saying better, just different, the way i would use and view words, the visuals that words would bring to me, and the way i felt when absent from my one true love. people told me i wasn't normal.

as i got older, and up until recently it hit me, and i understood. people who are in love with their art, who live breathe, and die entangled in their art function in a seperate reality. they don't live like everyone else does, often called 'crazy', some become hermits, some take drugs to numb the pain of their brilliance, some go as far as to take their own life. masterpieces aren't created while 'sittin up in their room', masterpieces are created through glazed eyes, staring blankly out of a window, counting the black stars in their white sky. pictures are painted staring past what the eyes see and dredging up the soul. music is created from places some people may never reach. artists live inside their head, they function off of what makes sense to them, and honestly this reality sucks! when i am expierencing a writer's block i am unable to function, i can't breathe this air, it smells stale to me, i yearn to be in my seperate reality. that's where i feel at home, that's where my world is MY world, and that's where everything makes sense. give me a white sky with black lines woven in between the clouds, give me a hot pink pen and set me free.

i'm not saying i'm brilliant, but i can relate to the love of none other but my art, i'm also saying.....set me free. sometimes i wish this reality would just let go of me. i've been seduced by the death of life...the art of words, and i don't want to come back.

---seduction---

swaying to the smooth chords of my fraying sanity

vanity, profanity echoes in my mind,

timely normality rejects the sunny blue skies for dark nights,

colored with the shades of freedom…. and the night grows darker still.

drawn, I walk towards an everlasting pain,

barefoot over shattered grass blood seeping from between caramel toes.

I yearn

‘hurt me and set me free’

and it offers a cold embrace.

captured by the lies of ever after

my essence extends towards the cold heat

as deceitful voices common as rain

drizzle over tense nipples,

and flowing between convulsing thighs

they sing songs of release, a melody as dark and stank as death

and as circular as time.

under the naked tree stark limbs stretched towards a sunless sky,

I wait.

breathing for the last time, as if the life being smothered within me

cries out too shy to know why life was denied,

I die.

for death has seduced me.

my insanity has engulfed me.

I am set free.

Inspiration....Seduction-boney james

06.07.2009

.kisses.

monsters and pussy juice

2009-11-27T02:57:00.003-05:00

held captive by a sleep discursive i sigh heavily.
laboured breathing accompanies my audible disturbance as the mink covering my nude body save for a pair of white leopard print panties is slowly pulled away from me, offering my body a rememberance of warmth while allowing the chilly air to begin licking.
it licks first my breasts as my nipples stand up, looking around for the intruder. they ache as if warning me of the impending violation and are quicky silenced, hushed by the flick of your tongue.

i run away from monsters and dragons while you drag your fingertips through my curls, black as night and red as fire...fire... you glance down at the fire hiding in my pussy... and... you...
kiss... my eyelids.
kiss...my cheeks.
nibble on my ear lobes, perfect in the soft moon light.
caress my neck as you tenderly chew on my vein searching for red.
i gasp, as the monster bites me, you look up not alarmed, but aroused, for you have studied my sleep patterns, and i am yours tonight.

you pour wax from the vanilla scented candle onto my skin, a trick i taught you once before. your fingers knead my body as your fingers need my body but you refuse to submit to your dragon as he roars hidden beneath linen and will. intent on journeying to my valley, you slide your tongue down my left leg, circling the scar oddly beautiful now. so careful to leave your mark on each of my toes, one by one you feed your stomach chocolate syrup while whispering tall tales to my feet. the sounds of your stomach growling threaten to ruin the mood, but you continue, and make your way up my right leg. my body begins to tense, and the closer you get to your prize is the sweeter the smell. inhaling you refuse to exhale, letting the smell transfer into a taste in your mouth, and for a minute you keep it there.

lightheaded and focused, licking your lips you dive in.

in a flurry of teeth, tongue, fingers, clit, and lips you meander through my pussy, exploring the beautiful sight and colours of such a magnificent creation. as if in a trance your finger covered in wet writes me a promise and a curse on the inside of my being, and as my river begins to flow you quickly grab your cup........

standing back, satisfied for the moment you fondly look down at my body still unaware of the violation, a smile forms on your face, and stomach grumbling you put the cup to your lips.....

.kisses.

nablopomo: life on the low: creepin' with hip hop

2009-11-26T17:59:00.001-05:00

i can't believe this blogging challenge is almost done. am i sad, not at all, it was a great experience but lawd, it's harder than i thought it would be.....sigh. shout out to my girl kween and butterfly effect for taking on the challenge also.

in a previous post i shared that i am a habitual cheater, not always physical but mostly emotional, well you can read all about it here.

as much as it sucks, it's a honest part of life, sometimes too honest. a fellow blogger ms.downlow has not only invited us into her world, and her coming to terms with her infidelity riddled marriage, she has published a book about it. and since i've been there, i'm always interested in hearing and reading other people's experiences with it. now you guys should know by now how much i luv hip hop and she has admitted to letting hip hop seduce her, or did she seduce him?

i'm soo excited to get my copy, i've read good reviews about it (read one here), and once i do read it, believe that i will share my thoughts on it.
if you want to get your own copy, visit her blog here as she has a $3.00 discount available for a short period of time.

.kisses.

many of you may be shaking your head, but don't act like you didn't bump to this song at one point in time. shoot i know this song has inspired some fantasies and acts of a creeping nature...lol

p.s. if i went to bed in those big ass silk pajama's my man will kick my ass out the bed.

TLC - Creep (Official Music Video) - The best free videos are right here

nablopomo: my drink and my stripper pole

2009-11-26T00:54:00.005-05:00

i am not a club person. truth be told i have never been to a club, it's never been my scene. i don't even have ambitions to go to a house party. i think that's why people think i'm very stuck up, and 'artsy fartsy', i'd rather go to a lounge, poetry slam, jazz festival than drag my ass to a club anyday....and from the pictures i see, and the stories i hear, i must say i'm not too impressed.

dutty ass girls dutty whining on a dutty floor littered with empty bottles. guys who don't know the meaning of the word 'no'. chicks who insist on assaulting the world with their mirrorless fashions. dj's interrupting every friggin song with 'all the sexy ladies..blah blah blah'. chicks who insist they are not there to get chopped but to chill with their girls. bullshit. hot breaths. danced off deoderants. corn worthy shoes (which their ass can't walk in). bathrooms that smell like home on the range. and expensive flavored juice costing me $10. wtf?!

and no matter how 'classy' the club is that you go to, there are always fall downs who ruin the night for you.
but as i get older i find myself wanting to take my stripper dancing ass to a club, of course it has to be high end club though, none of this ghetto ass bullshit. i think i would be an amazing clubber, and i must be honest after seeing this video i think to myself "if i could find a club atmosphere like the concert in this vid, i would be so there" soo if i do go to a club, i will share my failures and successes with you guys.

so, check out the vid and also this email i rummaged up from a disgruntled club goer.

.kisses.

********

Reasons Why Clubs Are Just Absolutely Horrible.

Reason 1: The Line Up.
The line is filled with girls glittered up and guys wearing leather jackets. Why does every guy look exactly the same? Thankfully, I am set apart with my doughy face and detailed eyebrows. The Line Up is key because nobody believes they belong in it. If you wait in line, you’re not cool. To who? I’m not sure. Probably to the other people who are waiting in line who you think are not cool. We must impress them. So then we begin to suddenly know somebody who can get us in. Chatter, as follows: “Ask the bouncer if Mikey’s working, he’ll get us in.” “Tell them you’re with Sarah +10” “This is Joey’s place man, he’s the head promoter, he’ll get us in.”

Truth is, Mikey was fired, Sarah’s passed out on a toilet at home, and there is no Joey. You just made that up.
Wait in line.

Reason 2: The Girls Who Never Have To Wait In Line.
There’s this faction of women in this world that anchor their pride in this one fundamental belief:
I never wait in line at clubs.
When you meet them, they will immediately inform you of this fact. Wait in line? Me? Fuck that. Do you know who I am? The answer to that question is really just their name. Look. They even do it at job interviews:

"Well, Sarah, thank you for applying to become the Chief Budget Analyst at Royal Bank, let’s get started, shall we?"

"Okay, fun!"

"Let’s start with what you think your key strengths are, Sarah."

"Okay, you know at Lot? I know the owner so me and my girls literally walk in. Mink? I dated the head bouncer, so they don’t even check. I can totally get you in, just text me and I’ll text him, kay? Circa is nothing, they know us. We’re in like thirteen of their promo pictures on their website. They kind of owe me but my friend Tony, he told—"

"I think I lost you. You applied to be the Chief Budget Analyst right?"

"You know what I’m craving right now? Like one of those fun peach bellinis! Wanna go for one?"

"It’s 820am, Sarah."

The new Chief Budget Analyst at Royal Bank.

Reason 3: You’re Really Not That Hot.

At clubs, many young ladies believe they magically turn into Victoria Secret models. This is due to young men who magically develop cataracts. I blame the entire system. Guys walk into a club with one core mission: make out with anything that has an attached uterus. This makes it easy for women who wouldn’t normally get attention at say, 10 am waiting for a streetcar on King street to transform into Jessica Alba at 230am when everyone’s heavily intoxicated. And it’s not like the women are walking away winners here. The guys they’re making out with? Train wrecks. If you don’t believe me ladies, take a look at your friends list right now and tell me how many of your male friends with a name that doesn’t rhyme with Leepak Bethi you would actually make out with sober.
Exactly.

Reason 4: Can’t We All Just Pee?
Going to the bathroom is an event at a club. Hundreds of people seem to need to pee at the exact same time I want to. Also, I am privy to the most inane conversation in the history of the universe.
“Dude, Sarah actually looks hot tonight. Did you see that ass? Mikey, you should deal that.”
“Dude I’ve dealt it like nine times already.”
“Fuck you, no way. When? You lie.”
“No man seriously. It’s true. She totally wants me.”
Then several young men deconstruct Mikey’s claim as to how he ‘dealt Sarah’ until Mikey finally exhausts all of his weak supporting arguments and runs away from the bathroom crying, flailing his arms wildly in the air. Then, while washing my hands, I get to see several young men try to fix their eleven hairs on their head, each spiked up individually. When they have completed, they look exactly the same.
Gel doesn’t fix ugly.

Reason 5: You’re just too old.
If you’re thirty-five and you go to clubs every night, I think that’s cool. Nothing is more appealing than someone who knows what’s hot on a Tuesday night. And also, we enjoy when you tell us what the club was called in 1989 when you first went. It’s like a fun history lesson!

Reason 6: Eating shit food after the club.
Actually, I have nothing against this. Have you seen me? I weigh a staggering one hundred and seventy-five pounds and at several points in my life, I have teetered on the brink of obesity. This is absolutely tremendous.

Reason 7: People who can actually dance.

<------She probably waited in line.

Many of you know I can’t really dance. You’re nice enough not to tell me. Wait. You know what? No you’re not. Many of you have told me many times, shattering me emotionally. How dare you. But it’s true. Much like my poor swimming ability, I can’t really dance. I bop my head up and down to the beat of Biggie sometimes and throw one or perhaps both of my hands up in the air, creating the fascinating facade of me actually dancing. But this is all an illusion. It kind of works until some dude named Hugo comes along and salsas it up with everyone while I unravel on the inside. Who names a kid Hugo anyway? Ass.

PS. There’s no way in hell Mikey dealt Sarah.

********

cassidy ft swizz beatz - My Drink N My 2 Step [new]

by Lvick

nablopomo: meet crazy as named gritty.

2009-11-25T11:01:00.001-05:00

i make it a point not to deal with, date, breathe the same air as crazy....now.... but i had to learn my lesson first.
and his name was gritty.

i first saw gritty when i was 16. we were at a park concert and he was with his wife and son, he must have been 23. i was instantly attracted to the passion that he had for God and for life, it was so beautiful and that made him beautiful to me. a year later we met at a tim's and we struck up a convo and it was there he fell in love with me. now divorced, i let him know that i had a boyfriend so nothing could gwan. he never hid the fact that he loved me though, telling me always his plans of marrying me.

we became very good friends fast, and our friendship was unhealthy, but we were attached to each other and both blinded to see the extent of the damage that was being done. we were friends for about 6 years, when one day i saw his piercing green eyes, and i realized that i loved him, not only as a friend, but as more than that. i wanted to be with him, and take care of him until his disease killed him. i say take care of him because he was diabetic and very sick, unable to hold a job, constantly in the hospital and shit. i broke up with my boyfriend smooth and told him i was in love with my friend, and against my mom's advice (i swear she knew his ass was crazy the whole time), gritty and i became a couple.

him, irish and sri lankan wanna be jamaican, me, jamaican plus, i was in love with this sick bald headed skinny 'white' guy, and this sick bald headed skinny 'white' guy introduced me to crazy....

and his ass was crazy! ouhhh let me count the ways:
*when we made out he would bark at me! yes i said bark!
*he would get on all fours and sniff the crotch of my jeans beggin to taste her.
*when we would hug, he would press his ear to mine and hold it there. he had an ear fetish.
*verbally abusive. i cried like every convo we had.
*he would hide out in his home talking about man's dem wanting to kill him.
*he felt the need to hide from me that he was arrested and went to trial for attempted murder. i found out because i googled his ass.

so that shit lasted about 3 months before i came to my God-given senses and broke up with him.....via text..... i know you're thinking text message was the wrong thing to do, i then follow up with: upon reading my text he began to curse my life, literally cursed the day i was born, so you can imagine what would have happened if i did it in person (he had previously showed me how to kill someone with one swipe of a baseball bat...yup).... ouhhhh i am soo glad i didn't give him the goodies!

there is sooo much more to this relationship, and i will definitely divulge the ugliness in later posts, but here is what i felt the theme song for our break up was, well from his point of view anyways. and yet this is still one of my fav songs....

.kisses.

nablopomo: repost: love of my life

2009-11-23T23:50:00.004-05:00

one of my fav pieces written to one of my fav songs.
i entitled this poem 'love of my life', because i was listening to the song entitled the same by erykah badu and common. and when his first line hit 'a freak freak ya'll and you don't stop' this is what came to me.

A freak, freak ya’ll and you don’t stop

A freak, freak ya’ll and we don’t stop

We don’t stop, don’t ….stop,

Bodies held together by anticipation violently loving

Seducing, giving, taking , writing poetry on the walls of shaken boundaries

My body calls your body in urgency I want in…
I’ve broken down walls urgently

Heart trembling at the thought of vulnerability… I want in

hips writhe in time to reddened lips biting, tugging, caressing white walls

In a whirlwind of curious palms and tongues exploring bodily hip hop.

Hills and dips, jazz and dick, holes finding fingertips,

throats covering divinely created chocolate and tones reduced to

High pitch express my lust for your secret need of my insides.

eyes dance as breathing slows to a cease

Music perpetually playing, as sex meanders into love making,

melodies from heaven replays messages scrawled unseen onto white sheets

as my scent mingled with vanilla teases your senses and

create leaks, streams, of you and me

You and me blended together in a colorful symphony,
white chocolate on golden toffee,

Your essence penetrating my fragility, I hold you into me as you
plunge into me ....You want in…
Deep into me stroking my secret places hidden from your prying eyes,

Offering a vision of sweet ecstasy as the mountain seduces the water to

Fall and spill, splashing over rainbows, perfection inherited from ancestral tribes

Which love by way of the moonlight.

And exposed to the moonlight I sigh…

I watch your chest rise and fall covered in my breath

and I realize that I am in a good place.

hip hop weaves into reggae lovers rock and the walls weep at the sight.

your tongue surrounded by my velvet walls, carves me a story,

the tingling in my back has exceeded a calm bliss

and we don’t stop, we don’t stop…. don’t…. stop.

.kisses.

confessions of a webcam whore: my klutz ass

2009-11-23T15:05:00.002-05:00

so, as i made mention before i love webcamming. sexcamming i call it, is soo much fun, not only do i get to see gorgeous cocks getting stroaked by manly hands, i do enjoy returning the favor. currently my sexcamming partners are bus driver and cleveland indian (who has kinda stepped up his game since our last session), but they are not without their own dramas, which makes me rethink the whole dyamn thing (to be discussed at a later post)

however my klutz ass had to screw something up.
on thursday night i was sexcamming with cleveland indian.... a part of the night follows...

"aim down mama, and n let's get started" 1:04 am
"need more lite" <~~~ there occured my fatal mistake
"perfect...sexy knees" <~~~ really?
"looks delicious, i wanna fuck you rite now"
"i buss" 1:19 am
"i see it...wow" <~~~ cum all over a man's hand is strangely sexy for me
"i still wanna fuck, yea, i'm still horny"
"imma shower brb"

"you good?"
"i burned my leggggg...ahhhhhhh!"
in an effort to be the smart ass that i am, when he asked for more light, i took my shadeless lamp off my side table and attempted to put it between my legs, and in the process it not only touched my leg, but it was there for what seemed like HOURS! i swear i heard seering noises.

"u want me to kiss it better?"
"yeah! it fuckin hurts, all cause u wanted to see the pussy"
"luv the kitty though" <~~~ i don't care, my leg is dying!

now i'm limping like a friggin cripple, my mom says "it looks good" really mom?! it looks like i have flesh eating disease! "you've never had a burn before" no, mom, not like THIS!

having to explain my injury to poetry guy wasn't easy "i was being naughty", was all i could muster while smiling not so innocently.

and when i explained it to bus driver he flipped! because i should have known not be sexcamming with anyone else "puhlease".

so, have i learned my lesson? nah. even though i'm in excruciating pain, i'm not even waiting until it heals ;)

.kisses.

2009-11-23T12:20:00.002-05:00

OMG, 65 followers, that's intense! i would like to take this moment and kiss my followers both new and old. thank you for taking time out to read my life and leave your lip stains and kisses.

following is done out of interest (well, i think so anyways), and i'm flattered that you take an interest in me.

a big thank you also goes to the blogs that i follow,(i have developed crushes on some of you ;) thank you for putting up with my comments, i take great interest in what you all do and say, but if i become stalkerish, please let me know!

.kisses.

nablopomo: you can't start a fire sittin around crying from a broken heart

2009-11-22T23:04:00.008-05:00

my musical upbringing has been completely ecclectic thanks to my father, a country born jamiacan who was never really into reggae, but give him some elvis presley, the boss, conway twitty, al green, the beatles, abba, and he's good. i grew up listening to all of that, and i love all of that.

my musical playlist includes hip hop, r&b, 80's rock, 60's-70's music, reggae, rock and roll, counrty western, contemporary, and jazz ( i love me some jazz). i am grateful for the wide range in my musical fav's, i think it has made me a well rounded person, and even though i get strange looks and snickers when i start singing along to blondie, or bonnie tyler, my world is wider and i'm a better person for it.

here is a song that anywhere it plays i will drop everything i am doing to sing, and dance along. (i remember when i was in the mall with smooth and we were walking like the sexy couple we were, this song came on, and i became karoke queen up in that spot, fake mic and everything...LOL...poor smooth) *feel free to insert snicker here.*

i can relate to the boss (bruce springsteen) when he says..(all from memory)

stay on the streets of this town/ and they be carving you up alright/

they say you gotta stay hungry/ hey baby i'm just about starving tonight/

i'm dying for some action/ i'm sicka sittin here round here trynna write this book/

i need a love reaction/ come on baby gimme just one look/

you can't start a fire/ sittin round crying from a broken heart/

this gun's for hire/ even if we're just dancing in the dark/

you can't start a fire/ worrying about your little world falling apart/

this gun's for hire/ even if we're just dancing in the dark./

i have to stay hungry, the minute i become complacent where i am, life is no longer worth living. i need action, i write better in the midst of chaos, keep the drama to yourself, but nothing plus nothing equals a shit load of nothing!.
i need love.
the life i want will not happen for me if i moan and cry about my past sadness and my broken hearts, i have to let that shit go and press on to my future.
the life i need will not happen for me if i walk the path in fear of failure, so what if i fall, what if i fail, that should give me a reason to keep trying, to keep plugging at it, because one day i will not fail. my failures do not make me a failure, my willingness to give up does.
.
.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-11-22T17:45:00.004-05:00

: are you up for a lil' private viewing?

: cause your just that beautiful.

: ;Omgsh..WHY did this lady just walk on the bus smelling like pee???? And of course with my luck, she sits right across from me :| and on top of that, i just sent your text to some random stranger by accident LOL! fail...

: because it doesn't give me enough time to get my claws into him on a mid-week date.

: u mean you masturbated right.... u can't wait until friday?

: LOL imma laugh soo hard if by friday nite your writing bout poetry guy fuckin you again, wait here's a heading "poetry guy strikes again"

: wow, if it's good eh? ok, i didn't know you were gauging my performance.

.kisses.

nablopomo: the dream kinda failed on this one

2009-11-21T22:01:00.006-05:00

The Dream Feat Fabolous - Shawty Is A Ten Remix
by PeteRock

some signs you are not a 10

... if you wear leggings as pants. leggings were not meant to be worn as pants, no one looks cute with camel toe, even in a pair of killer heels. fashion etiquette states that while wearing leggings one's shirt/blouse etc.. must be covering the ass. even if you don't subscribe to fashion etiquette, look in the mirror.

... if you are a dutty chick. we are all asking you to bathe, wash your hair, comb your hair, clean your room, bathroom etc... you can't play clean forever, eventually the dirt will shine through.

... if you are a loud ass brawling chick. there is a difference between being loud and outgoing, having fun with your peeps (like my loud ass), and being the one who feels everyone needs a cussin', or that your phone convo is sooo amazing the whole building needs to hear it. you are not cute.

... if you insist on wearing and carrying the latest name brand everything, but your ass is catching the bus. the money you spend on the brands you can save up and buy a car. this however cannot be said about those who live in big cities which do not require you to drive, hence the second part...

... if you insist on wearing and carrying the latest name brand everything, but your ass is still living at home. the money you spend on the brands you can save up and live on your own, this can be said anywhere.

... if your pussy is a sample. sexually liberated is cute, very sexy, however screwing any guy who breathes your air is not. your pussy is not a sample, it's important to the survival of the human race, treat it as such.

... if you wear heels you are unable to walk in. please stop it. and wear your size. if your pretty little ankles cannot support the shoes, don't wear it, because men and women will laugh at you, some will point. okay okay.... i will point.

... if your weave looks like crap. enough said.

... if you carry around negative energy everywhere you go. please go away. that shit is contagious, and no one wants to be around you and those who do are exactly like you. misery likes company, but very few people like misery, because she's not cute.

... if your so desperate to be liked that you'll kiss everyone's ass and throw honesty to dogs. be yourself, and everyone will see it, and appreciate it. insincereity is obvious and it will throw you under the bus everytime.

.kisses.

nablopomo: adina howard knows...

2009-11-20T22:17:00.006-05:00

"mmmm mmmm mmmm"

i absent mindedly take a breath to lick the remainder of my juice off the corner of my mouth.
"you so nasty" i remember him growling, as he wiped his pussy juiced fingers on my tongue.
i can sense his eyes closing, as his body relaxes, fingers warm and sticky caress my ass, as my mouth shows him my gratitiude for his dick. his hands wander to my breasts, sensitive nipples cringe from the pain as he pinches....one small hand fondling his balls, as the other one holds on to to his shaft, up and down, up and down, up.... and..... down......

"kiss me"
i gave his head one last nibble, flicking the tip of my tongue down the hole which brings me my milky gift, i arch my back allowing him full view of my ass. raising my head, i kiss him loooonnnnng and hard. sucking on my tongue, he sticks a finger in my ass and proceeds to finger fuck me.

"do you like giving me head?" he asks, as my chest rises and falls matching his stroke in my nether hole.
"yes" i managed to sigh out, my breath tasting like our sex.
eyes closed.
hole violated.
feeling delicious.

my hands smell like cock, and i don't want to wash it off.

.kisses.

nablopomo: t.i.'s promise

2009-11-19T22:27:00.007-05:00

i have never been the type of chick to be a gold digger. i'm not one to esteem material things above happiness or do they equate in my life. i've been known to leave one man who has 'everything' for a man who has nothing. i don't know, that's just how i've always been, money is not that important to me, never has been, and it never will be.

this song however speaks to the hip hop materialistic chick that could potentially be me. i
imagine having a man, who will give me anything, everything materially i could ever want, i would never be in lack of anything, including late night sex so wet and so tight... but i wonder...would i get that which i desire most?

his heart.
and would i be happy?

.kisses.

nablopomo: just lay it on the line!

2009-11-18T22:53:00.005-05:00

'you're not my girlfriend'

fuck i know! you really don't need to keep reminding me why you don't open up to me, why you're too busy for me, why you feel like you have to 'watch' what you say around me......... what am i doing that's so offensive that you feel the need to remind me what i am not to you?

i'm not your girlfriend. but you want me to be faithful to you? what does faithful even mean when you're in a non-relationship?

"i don't want you fucking anyone else as long as your fucking me" are you being for real?

you claim you wanna break down my emotional walls. you want me to stick around when your ass goes to the army... stick to what? the non-walls we have?

tell me baby, what are you afraid of? i'm not asking you to knight me girlfriend, i'm asking you to be real with me, be open with me, and if this is a waste of time, tell me cause i'll be 30 in 4 years and my ass can't be stuck in 'we're talking'

"whatever this is, is going to go nowhere" and i meant that. there is only so much a grown ass woman can take. i told you 'i'm here', but now that i think about it, where the fuck is here? almost a year "if that's how you want to look at it, ok?" ... almost a year and i'm standing in the middle of nowhere, half expecting leatherface to show up and chainsaw my ass up..it would serve me right. this is clearly my punishment for liking younger men.

*sigh* i invite you to every event my ass is going, and you make me feel like i'm the hunchback of fuckin notre dame, hiding me, not bringing me anywhere (not counting the baseball game baby) 'i don't want my friends to know what i have'.

honey, it seems like what you want, what you have is a fuck friend.

(written in the heat of female frustration and hornyness, i would have probably written it differently tomorrow)

.kisses.

nablopomo: i don't want a fly guy

2009-11-17T21:45:00.005-05:00

i love men. (well i like girls too) but i love men.
i'm completely bi-polar when it comes to the keepers of the cocks though. as you read (hopefully) in an earlier post, there is a special place in my heart for thugs. hard knock lifers, men who smell like hope, fear and the streets, tattooed brothers who don't give a shit! yup, i love me some thugs. on the other hand, i am forever in love with geeks, awkward men who don't know what to with with an ass if it sat on their face (tehehehe).

short pants, white socks, short sleeved button shirts with ties. i love them pocket protectors! LOL. eyes in books, think criminal minds...dr. spencer reed.

there is something about a nerd that turns me the hell on. i guess it's because i'm very aggressive, both in personality and sexually, and the thought of turning a man out, and helping him embrace his inner freak is very appealing to me. but even on a relational level there are times when i don't wanna deal with pussy chasers, the confident men who think every girl wants to smell the sweat on their chest. the kind of man i have to worry about (there i said it), and it's true, i get tired of convincing myself i trust your pretty boy ass, with your waves and shit, when really i don't trust you and your man of the world attitude.

i mean damn it! i'm a huge geek myself, and there are days when i want to just chill out at home (NOT wearing a snuggie), and have a Lord of the Rings marathon.

shy, geeky men have an appeal that confident men don't have. and that will get me everytime.

.kisses.

2009-11-17T15:03:00.011-05:00

ladies, sexy, freaky, inhibited, shy, it's important for us to know our bodies and become aware of how it responds to sex. not only what we feel, but the biology of it.

men, cock strong, freaky, unexperienced, timid, you should also know your woman's body, there is more to sex than you/we realize.

ladies and men... know your partners body, pleasure is enhanced when you know what to do to achieve maximum results *winking*

if you haven't figured it out as yet, I LOVE SEX! not only the practictial, but also the scientific and biological. i was studying to be a sexologist for a few years, and i'm also a research freak. so to feed my need, but to also hopefully educate us, i will be embarking on a weekly blog posting of sex tips. i just love encouraging people to embrace their inner freak, inner sex pot, to fall in love with our bodies and to be confident in knowing what we want.

ouhhh, this could get interesting. *grinning*. i'm looking forward to hearing your ideas, comments, and any questions you may have.

.kisses.

nablopomo: fuck my fears!

2009-11-16T22:06:00.005-05:00

i have dreams. but my dreams aren't worth shit unless they become my reality.
i have fears... damn right i have fears! but my fears propel me to make a fool of my insecurities.
life is not life, unless life is lived.
fuck my fears, i'm gonna live!
dreams, meet my reality.

live.love.laugh.above all.live
.kisses.

nablopomo: realize that i need love too

2009-11-15T23:48:00.005-05:00

i'm a habitual cheater. i've always cheated. that's the only thing that's consistant in my relationships. i can see through all the bullshit, i know all the excuses, i know enough to know that there are no excuses.

love has shit to do with being unfaithful, a lot of men and women will say ' i love him/her...but '. there is always that but.... damn but!... cheating is a crime of opportunity/boredom. plain and simple. strip away all the layers and at the bottom of it is boredom, you aren't getting what you need from your significant other, there is always someone else willing to give it you, and the opportunity will always present itself. are you strong enough to stand against it? are you able to put the gnawing feelings of disatisfaction aside? the lonely nights of pump, pump, snore when what you really need is biting, licking, fucking?

i'm guilty of emotional cheating. i've cheated physically a few times, but mostly i'm an emotional cheater, more times out of boredom, sometimes out of lack of attention.

if you're showing me that you have no time to talk to me cause you're too busy, i'll call someone else, after getting shut down a few times. i'm calling you because i want to talk to you, because i want to share my day with you, my thoughts, my feelings, random shit, i want to share it with you. but you tell me you can't talk now....crapness. i'll call someone else at 5 in the morning then. and best believe there will always be some other dude or chick ready to hear all the things i should be telling you.

and that's the honesty about it. if i'm making the effort and it's not being reciprocated, truss my pretty ass fingers are dialing someone else's number...straight.

i'm not ashamed to say that i need attention, shit i have a short attenton span. i send you naughty pictures, slutty text messages, i shake my ass on webcam for you, to keep my ass from getting bored and what do you do for me?....*crickets*.... i need the phone calls, and the text messages, emails.... i don't need to be coddled, i'm a grown ass woman, but it would be nice to know that you are there and we are us. ...

do i want to stop. yes i do. it's unhealthy. and i don't want to hurt the one i'm with. but baby, i always try and make myself available to you when you need me, when i tell you i need you, listen to me, because there is someone out there who is needing me.

i try to be.... but i'm not that strong.

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-11-15T08:18:00.004-05:00

: india arie and muzik soul child- “chocolate high” that’s the trak, that’s our trak, period that’s my word.

: i can’t shake you, still want you in more ways than 1 “addicted to your chocolate high” it’s that simple, speakin for myself though, can’t speak for you.

: i was wonderin when i was gonna get some blog time lol, thanks it was kool, i liked it. Keep blogin, still love you.

: yo, you commin over?

: the greek god is good. I’m so into him that it’s sad, i have a dinner date with him this week....but i’d rather just eat him. Lol.

: i did a taste test with my hand.

: here you go putting pictures in my head again.

: took in your blog, birthday sex was tuff.....kool, nosy cause it caught me, inspiration for birthday sex came from where for you? Again let me add written very well lol.... for real was that yesterday?

: “gasp” how provocative, but can you blame him when all you tweet about is sex related? Lol.

: hahaha awe, at least your pipes aren’t rusty.

: i feel like kicking it, but i’m supposed to go to this Gucci social party.

: i told you, you were the only one i wanna be with, and just be with you and focus on you, and all now i’m still waitin on an answer, so it’s clear you don’t want me.

: nope far from it, like i said just changing the strategy, not gonna run in the dark when i got a flashlight in my pocket.

: i would never use sex to win a woman’s heart, i’m good not that amazing, lol, but it’s not all about sex for me.

: do you wanna see me jerk off?

.kisses.

nablopomo: perfection moving: poem

2009-11-14T22:23:00.005-05:00

Speak and your words will touch me
Fill my space with your warm embrace of verbal solitude
For when you speak it’s just me and you baby.

Caught up in this whirlwind of spoken wonder,
I wonder how your lips taste filled with your words.
And i love your words, your life song sings as your voice
lifts and tickles my ear, the voice as cool as an ice cube placed....just....there.

your chocolate tongue on my strawberry.....

And i love your words, soft spoken words in the middle of the night,

whispering, as my back arches to reach the crescendos in your voice

and your voice fills the air...
Strong, passionate words that reveal the burden of intellectual gain,
the pain of the history you want to erase,

yet with ease your words comfort and hold me still

against the angry beating of your heart....

....unspoken words.

And with words you stroke the intimate parts of who i am,

the parts that kisses won’t reach,
for kisses can’t teach me who I am,
my mind cums everytime we speak and the tingle reaches my feet,
toes curled at the sight of perfection moving around perfection moving.

03.06.2008

.kisses.

nablopomo: just me (and my hair)

2009-11-13T12:28:00.009-05:00

a little over 3 years ago, i made one of the biggest decisions in my life. it was one of those big ones that required thought, and tears, and maybe i shouldn'ts, it was definitely not one of my just do it! moments.

yup... i went natural.

i traded in the all day outings at the hair dresser, the relaxers, the burned scalp, the security and the cute flipped hairstyles for my natural texture. my curls, my fear, my confidence and my heightened sexuality. i must admit there are days when i look at my hair pulled into a cheek bone revealing puff and i think to myself 'i miss my straight hair'. i stare at my face, the face which puzzles so many people "where are you from?", and i remind myself that i am not my hair,

but i am.... well kind of....

in a way i have become my hair. natural, without lies, complex (who am i kidding, i was always complex), attention grabbing (who am i kidding there too?). i just love walking into a spot and being one of the only women rocking her hair. and i do mean rocking, because it is fabulous, i am fabulous and fabulosity can't just be worn...like wtf? you gotta rock that shit! loud and proud! ( i just recently dyed the back half burgandy), and sexy as hell. " your a freak aren't you? " apparently being a poet and a natural woman equals down to earth, freak.. it was a triple whammy when i was a vegetarian.

i never realized how much men black, and white love natural hair, love to feel the texture, love to smell it even. a man seems to really appreciate the beauty of the unrulyness of my hair. as poetry guy says, and i quote "i wanna fuck her hard enough that her hair will get so nappy, i can't run my finger's through it"... yes baby, i'm sure.

don't get me wrong, it was hella hard. i am very high maintenace. not gold digger high maintenace, i just like to look good, so going from straight, always done, hair to hair i didn't know what to do with, was like me throwing myself in front of a slow moving train, and not being able to run, nowhere! but i've fallen in love with my hair, this is one time that i thank God for the diversity in my genes (so called 'good hair'), i can go from straight to curly anytime i want. i rock mohawks, fohawks, chiney bumps, french braids, twist outs, wash and go's, and the almighty puff! however i cannot rock an afro! (i don't have the texture for it...sigh). plus i have saved soo much money, it hurts my feelings knowing the trips, and shoes, and purses, and bills, i have spent on my hair. damn!

do i want to go back, no.... well sometimes, but even if i did, there are a dozen people who would kill me before i sat in the hair dressers chair. i made the choice to come over, not because i'm going back to africa, or because i'm joining the cause, but simply i wanted a change. and i'm making the choice to stay. i am not my hair, my hair is a manifestation of who i am. i am me.

teheehehee, plus i love to feel a strong firm hand with a firm hold on my coils jerking my head back to ask me 'do you like that'.

for all my napptural sistahs, or those wanting to do it check out this website, it's helped me and i hope it will help you.

http://www.motowngirl.com/

.kisses.

nablopomo: dancehall dance session.

2009-11-12T13:01:00.005-05:00

i love reggae music, dance hall reggae and i am whining to the floor, give me my stripper pole please and thank-you. and if you ask me, as a jamaican i would be the first to say that jamaicans are very creative and a sexually charged people when it comes to dancing and creating dances. (hence my inate stripper pole), i will also be the first one to say we come up with some stupid ass dances (most of which i can do, but that's not the point).

this is one of the dances that i absolutely love and whenever i hear this it makes me wanna find a reggae jam in a swamp. GULLY CREEPA! can't you just see usain bolt doing his victory dance all over again!

enjoy!

.kisses.

Elephant Man - Gully Creepa (2008)

nablopomo: birthday sex

2009-11-11T14:06:00.010-05:00

i looked up and my toes were curled up against the car roof. and i thought to myself 'how the hell did i get here?'

'so how is your blogging going?'
'good, i am really getting the hang of it, i really love it'
'i'm proud of you, getting those awards and stuff, even though i won't read it, i know your a good writer, and i'm proud of you'
'aww, thanx babe that's really sweet blah blah blah blah blah'
*sideways glance* 'oh i'm sorry, i feel really bad you could be pouring your heart out to me right now, but all i'm thinking about is sex'

and then my world exploded as he entered me. (that's always been my favorite part, the almighty entrance). my pussy drenched my ass crease as i grabbed a hold of him so tightly he moaned in anger 'you're gonna make me bus!' stroke, stroke, thrust, thrust, our hips danced to the music of our lust 'arghhhhh' he groaned as my prize filled my womb, hot and liquidy i wouldn't let go of him 'keep going baby, don't stop!'

as we drove along the streets of my favorite city, on our way back from an event he made sure he tasted my lips at every stop light, cars soon got tired of driving behind us and sped up ahead, only to get a glimpse of his perfect lips hungerly devoring my breasts. 'baby go, the light is green'

and he didn't stop. he kept going and and my world spun as stream after stream of satisfaction entered me. 'fuck you *****, i love your fuckin pussy', and we rose higher, night turned into day and happiness merged into sorrow only to find ecstacy. 'suck my nipples, suck 'em' and i did, i licked and nibbled and sucked his beautiful nipples as his throaty groans told me to keep going. he kept going working my body, releasing his pent up anger, frustrations, and stresses. and i was there to recieve them, to recieve him and to keep him warm 'arghh, what are you doing to me, you're soo wet'

we arrived in his city hungry for food and for the other's sex. i wanted a burger he wanted my pussy. since he was driving, he got dibs. 'how about here?' 'sure, as long as no hook wielding maniac tries to kill us' '***** stop your foolishness'

his now soft and spent perfectly curved dick slipped out and he took a deep breath. 'i want some more' i said, 'your not the only one' 'i want to watch you jerk off' kinda surprised he didn't ask for head, cause he usually does. i leaned back, leg hanging on the passenger seat head rest, the smell of sex filling the air and watched his perfect fingers stroke and rub my juices all over his juicy head, i licked my lips and shivered 'baby, put on the heat'

we climbed into the back seat and undressed, i grabbed two pillows and placed them underneath my head and we slowly mashed our bodies together. long needy kisses were executed with care as he caressed the body he admires. he took time and told each breast he missed them. he spoke to them in fluent tongue and they responded hard and erect loving the attention. 'i've been waiting so long to feel you again' i murmered as he played with my kitty. his fondling of her were met with drips as my pussy recognized her lover.

i lifted up my aching body and bent over to turn the ignition. i could feel him staring at my ass, light skinned and gleaming in the darkness. 'mmmm' he said as he grabbed first one cheek and then the other. 'mmmm' he said as his fingers scooped up the juice running down my legs and rubbed it on his cock still shiny from our fucking. 'ahhhhh' i yelled as he purposefully inserted a finger and began to paint my pussy walls. 'another finger' i gasped. what color, i didn't care cause i was filling that parking lot with my nature cries 'why do i sound like that?' i thought to myself. i had never felt like this before, sounded like this before. i was a slave to his fingers. i dipped my ass and squeezed my eyes, i had to piss....hard....i was cumming.

he lightly kissed my stomach and said 'you want me to go down on you?'. 'no' i said 'not in the back of my car' (thinking of the cleaning bill). he parted my legs and looked at my pussy 'mmm' his eyes glazed over and my world exploded as he entered me.

oh shit! i was cumming. 'baby stop, stop!'
'what! why!? ughhh, now i'm soft again' i tried to gasp for air. 'it was pleasing me to please you, hun i just want to please you.' he said playing with his now softening cock. ' you did, baby you did'
i love when he doesn't listen to me. my ass was now drowning in my pussy juice and it joined the plethora of smells in the car. 'i have never been finger fucked like that before' he looked at me sheepishly and said shyly 'thank you' i laid down and spread my legs once more i looked at his cock and said 'i want some more'. 'i want to finger you' he replied. my body began to tingle as if on cue and i asked him 'how do you want it' he stared at me intensely....

'how do YOU want it'

he postioned himself on top of me, and began to kiss the source of his joy, 'i'm gonna play with your clit...ummmm... how does that feel?... tell me you like it.

'i like it' i whispered.

pushing his throbbing fingers smoothly inside my now swollen and red pussy he went straight for the g-spot and told her stories of sunsets and sandy beaches, rose petals and.... what the fuck?! a volcano!

'tell me how much you love it!' he demanded.

she exploded... 'baby' i wailed 'stop, oh my gosh stop, i can't take anymore.... it's too intense.... i can't breathe'. i had to piss sooo bad. my body was convulsing and my legs were shaking beyond my control.

'please *****, don't stop me. i want to make you cum'

pain so sensationally sweet was sweeping over my body and fear gripped my heart. his fingers became whirlwinds inside me, and my g-spot was singing for his pleasure. the car was filled with the sound of my pussy being filled with juices, and i had to piss.

'baby, stop, please stop' and i pushed his hand away.
what the fuck was i afraid of? everytime i'm about to squirt, i yell uncle.

he kissed me softly and smiled.
'the next time you try to stop me, i'm not going to listen'
i sighed. high off the adrenaline rushing through my vains. my pussy mad as hell at me for not allowing her to give him what he wanted.
'i know baby'

i looked at him and grinned, sleep already taking a hold of me. 'this is defintely blog worthy'

.kisses. (happy birthday ;)

Find more videos like this on HOLLYHOODHDTV.COM

nablopomo: is the 'd' detroit?

2009-11-10T18:13:00.006-05:00

this national blog posting month is more exhausting than i had imagined. especially since i wanted to be extra and choose a theme for myself which is my favorite songs and the stories behind them in my life.

no doubt it has sparked my juices and has allowed me to talk about my favorite subject being sex, because music has a lot to do with my sexuality and experiences. mind you, the whole month won't be about sex, i'm not that one dimensional, but for me music and sex are bff's.

so i'm going to post this video, because it is one of my all time favorites, not because it's good, but because it's bad.... and not naughy bad.... oh no... just plain bad.

a big shout out to kween and butterfly effect for embarking on the challenge also.

.kisses.

nablopomo: 69th post. "call it music to my ears headphones"

2009-11-10T00:21:00.007-05:00

***EXPLICIT MATERIAL***

this is my 69th post. which is amazing. so in honor of this milestone i will share some sexual facts about me.

1. i love to give head. men (and women) seem to think i'm automatically good at it because i have thick 'juicy lips'. but i rarely swallow because the cum hurts my stomach.
2. i love to be fingered.
3. i love to have a finger in my ass while having sex.
4. one the most memorable sex i had was with prince a. i was 15. we were in his van in someone's drive way and it was rocking back and forth, so it gathered a crowd. he was slightly embarassed, but i loved it.
5. i love to be choked during sex.
6. i love to have my pussy eaten. especially when fruit is involved.
7. my mouth is very foul during sex.
8. i'm very loud, i want everyone to hear me get it.
9. one of my fantasies is a rape fantasy and the thought of it gets me drenched every time
10. i sometimes envy men who have the job of 'virgin taker'
11. i'm a biter and scratcher. i want everyone to know i molested your body.
12. i love to have my toes sucked.
13. when i masturbate i sometimes watch black women tribbing.
14. i love to listen to smooth jazz and hip hop during sex.
15. blind fold me, and tie me up. PLEASE!
16. i love to come home smelling like sex, i won't even shower it off. i love falling asleep smelling like juices.
17. i love men, but i won't fuck everyone. my pussy is not a sample, i'm not costco.
18. i love to kiss. kissing is a simple pleasure that is an instant turn on, and i will never take someone's lips for granted.

thank you to all who continue to read my blog and kiss me with your comments. i really appreciate it.

p.s. this song is on constant repeat on my ipod ;)

.kisses.

must watch video - ninjamaica

2009-11-09T16:03:00.003-05:00

to all who need a smile, a laugh, or a belly bust this is for you. this goes out to my fellow island people especially.
thanks to bus driver for sending me this... watch it here

.kisses.

nablopomo: my old man taught me how to keep her, eat her...

2009-11-08T21:32:00.006-05:00

so, i absolutely love to have my pussy licked. i love to hear the sound of his tongue lapping up my juices, the sensation of his teeth nibbling on my clit, erect from anticipation.

i love the smell of her filling up the room, as he tickles my nipples, and draws circles around my belly button, eyes looking up at me asking 'do you like'. the smell of her filling up his nostrils, i want to be all he can see, taste, hear, smell.

i adore his adoration of me, as his tongue makes love to me, caressing my walls and trying it's best to mimic history's expectation of us.

and i love him gulping down my milky cum. i've told you before 'my milk will do your body good'
and he feels good knowing he's pleased me, knowing he caused me to scream and shout, arch my back and touch heaven, legs wrapped around his torso drawing him closer into what he loves, knowing that his tired tongue and sticky fingers were what i needed.

and i love him loving me lick off his milk moustache.

.kisses.

p.s. this song is NOT by trey songz, some guy used his name to acquire his fame.

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

poetry will be the death of me...a challenge

2009-11-08T16:37:00.006-05:00

i first started this blog mainly to post my poetry pieces, because poetry is my first love. i've always been told that i was born to be a writer, i have a way with words, and always got wicked marks in english class, so it was no surprise to me or anyone really, when i met poetry and fell madly in love with him. he wooed me and took me, and night after night his juices would flow through my pen unto the page and i felt something i had never felt before when i was with him...freedom.

but poetry slowly showed me his true colors. and he became like a bad boyfriend, he would love me, and then leave me. tell me he needed me, and i would show him how badly, how oh so badly i needed him, but he would always leave me. and in those moments of writer's block i began to question my talent and my authenticity as a poet. i would go though all the normal emotions, sadness, hate, denial, hate, indifference, until i came to the point in which i didn't want poetry to come back to me, in fact at night staring at the empty page i would tell him 'leave me the hell alone, i don't want you'.

but poetry always came back to me, and i always let him in. i need poetry, words are the air i breathe, anything i do, i do it for words. if i can't write, there is no reason to live. he is my only one true love, everything, everyone else is a third wheel.

he's been gone a few months now, the last poem i wrote was hollywood draggin, (read it here).
the last piece i performed was 'i make love to words' (see it here) but i'm use to the cycle now. and i eagerly look forward to his return, his ink flowing deeply through my mind, massaging my heart and exploding through my fingertips, pen dripping our life unto the page.

i will continue to post some of my older pieces, until he blesses my bed again.

here is one of the poems i wrote when poetry first seduced me almost 4 years ago. dedicated to you my sincere followers.

I speak poetically to those who stimulate me intellectually,

so as i speak poetically to you

feel free to get on your knees and drink in the juice of my serenity

that springs eternally from an infinite flow.

My core sweetness, my honey is words,

words that sweeten and roll on your tongue making you cum....

forth with words of your own, thoughts of your own,

beautiful phrases that spring from your stream of worth

and merging with mine we...... ride..... in a sea

of sweet rythm and time filled with words that speak poetically.

**********************************************************************

so here is a challenge.

people have a hard time figuring out what hollywood draggin is about, so if you can guess it correctly (by tuesday midnight), you can ask me up to 10 questions that i will answer honestly, no holds barred. it's not much, but it would be interesting to see what people want to know about me.

those who know me personaly are definitely excluded.

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-11-08T08:10:00.007-05:00

: would you be down to touch yourself on the cam for me?

: funny thing is, there's things that pop in my mind to say to you, but i don't wanna be a apart of the men that seem to be currently pursuing you, lol, i'm serious.

: your so horney that i can hear it in your voice, i don't see see why you just don't cum check for me and done, unless you have another reason why that's a bad idea.

: the heart beat is the sound of life, it's joy, hope, fear, disappointment, pain, happiness and the power to dream, all the emotions that make us all....

: it was really to bring you to see how things run (the studio)... it may spark your juices, if it won't i will.

: your famous in my eyes ;)

: that's kool, i'm real proud of you 4 real, keep up the good work, keep bloggin. i meant everything i said in a im not your dad kinda way. 4 real keep it up!!

: there's this woman that sits next to me, i literally want to stab her with a rusty knife....omfg she fills the entire office with her negative stank ass energy and bad vibe ugh.

: crazy old lonely cat lady...she's always gwanin bout her 2 pussy cats... like STFU

: not playin with you, i'm being serious, i miss you being stupid wet for no reason...for real i miss the way your face looks when you sit on my dick for the 1st time, that shits sexy.

: nothing as long as it involves your presence, honestly just even kick it... i miss seeing your thick lips and cherry cheeks, been too long.

.kisses.

nablopomo: you make me wanna hershey's kiss your licorice

2009-11-07T22:48:00.005-05:00

i met smooth my 2nd last year in high school. he walked into the cafeteria one day like he owned shit. but he didn't scare me.

"hi my name is (*****)"
"what's up i'm (*******)"
"what school did you come from?"
"st. augustine, i'm here to play ball"

he was acting like he didn't want me, and that threw me off... for a second. but i fell instantly in love with his big brown eyes. this dark chocolate man with light brown eyes stole my heart as i ate my fries (with ketchup and mayo dip). i turned to my girlfriend and told her 'i'm going to marry him'

a grade older than me, he made his move a while later causing instant envy at this outsider who captured the prettiest girl in the school. this tall basketball player, who ran the school was the sweetest man i ever dated. i remember times he would comb my hair in the cafeteria, walk me to my bus before going to play ball, and when my school uniform sweater got torn, he sewed it up for me. he waited almost a year to have sex with me, without pushing me, and when he did he was so nervous

'this pretty light skinned girl is in my bed wanting me to take her',

and once he did i was addicted. and he was too.

'you give the best head i've ever had' while his leg was shaking.

when he finally kissed my kitty "i don't do that", his big strong hands lifted up my leg while he bathed me, he sat down on the tub ledge and his virgin tongue timidly entered my pussy.

this nigga who resembled curtis jackson, but was in no way a thug had me wrapped around his finger. seeing him in a fitted, baggy jeans and a tshirt had my mouth salivating. the very smell of him made my pussy wet and i stole moments with him whenever i could. giving him head in doorways, riding his cock any chance i got. fucking him when his family was home, making him bus again and again. his touch on my arm would cause my knees to buckle, and his kisses caused shivers to run up and down my spine. we spent many days and nights locked together in mutual sweat, all sex funky and there was no where else i wanted to be.

damn. i loved him soo much.
we went through so much together. and when i told him i (think) i liked girls one thanksgiving, he said 'i love you, and i'm going to stay with you through this, but now i have to worry about you leaving me for a girl'

6 1/5 years we were together, and although we are no longer together we are still best friends. he reads my blog, and doesn't question me about it, i offer him my body whenever he needs it. i know he has my back no matter what, and i will always be his ride or die.

baby, this song has always reminded me of you, and it still does.

.kisses.

India Arie - Brown Skin
by Dante35

nablopomo: stripper poles and 94' hondas

2009-11-06T23:55:00.004-05:00

okay, don't laugh but i'm a car dancer. a total car dancer arms, neck, grinding, whining and all, which may look a little odd because i dance like a stripper.

this is my favorite car dancing song.

.kisses.

The Dream Rockin' That Thang
by benorel

more awards blushing

2009-11-06T18:45:00.006-05:00

40 followers and i'm loving being a blogger. the freedom to write and share and be honest is such a high, i love being able to stretch my writing skills, and i have many thanks for those who consider me 'a fav blogger'. *blushing* kisses.

thank you to eddie for nominating me for the honest scrap award (again) and to the af girls for awarding me the honest scrap and the kreativ blogger award.

since i've gotten the honest scrap award 4 times now, i'm going to let that one rest and just pass on the kreativ blogger award.

for the kreativ blogger award i nominate:

:: cook.the poet.

:: divalicious

:: sexual xtacee

:: nikki

:: http://erotickweenkiwi.blogspot.com/

:: dave 'loose cannon' wills

:: callalily

here are 10 creative things about me, and 10 (very) honest things about me

:: i am a poet
:: i used to play the piano and the trumpet

:: i have very eclectic musical taste

:: i love smooth jazz and most of my poetry are written when listening to it

:: all of the men i've dated so far are either musicians, rappers, or writers

:: i love to color (in coloring books)

:: my sister and i make up songs about the most random shit on the spot complete with harmonies
:: i have my own personalized greeting card business.

:: i love to cook (but i don't)

:: i have a talent for event decorating

:: i am 5"2.5

:: my hair is natural with the back half dyed burgandy red

:: i'm a redskin (lol)

:: my daddy is a pastor but i've 'backsliden' as we say

:: i've had 4 lesbianic experiences, my first one being with someone in my family

:: i love sex. and i'm (extremely) sexual.

:: i have a weakness for purses and shoes.

:: i'm a huge geek. i read the dictionary, and do crosswords.

:: i have very bad eyesight.

:: i hate public washrooms.

.kisses.

2009-11-06T15:38:00.005-05:00

i could smell her presence in my bed,
her thighs wet with what i wanted to taste.
i could feel her life flowing around my room
lavender incense and a cool breeze teased my senses as i copped a feel
and she felt good.

already erect nipples welcomed the tips of my fingers as moans began to articulate,
i walked the mounds of her breasts stopping to lick my fingers and bathe them in my sweet saliva.
i knew what she liked.
she liked skin rubbing on skin. tongues in her navel. nibbles escalating into bites. dirty voices saying dirty words.

i grabbed her ass, taking my time to remind my hands how they felt in them.
soft. smooth. her juices flowing down the center of the beauty.
she knew what to do next.

(i knew she was already sore from the night before,
but she gave in to me, because i know what she likes.)

her ass greeted the air as my fingers slipped in underneath her.
she grinding the bed.
me with a wicked smile on my face as her hips moved in time to whatever music she wanted to hear.

..............i felt, heard, smelt her climax as she thrusted one last time.

i licked the juices i worked so hard to achieve.
i've tasted it before, it has become one with my system,

i had fun with my best friend today.

i am my own best friend.

.kisses.

nablopomo: screaming loud daddy is you with it?

2009-11-06T01:43:00.007-05:00

baggy jeans, a wife beater and sneaks, with a fitted.
that is my weakness.
shit.
*sigh*...tatts.

when i see a man like that, my legs get weak and my pussy get's wet... real fast.
a thug.

now don't get me wrong. i love the good men, the men that every women wants, a nice clean cut brotha, who smells like cologne and not like the streets.

but a thug.
i tell myself that i passed that stage of my life a long time ago. when i was with prince a, who had guns, smoked weed like he breathed air, ran with the crips, and beat up my pussy on a reg. and i do mean beat up. i passed that stage. i didn't want bad boys anymore. he broke my heart.

but there are days when i wake up, longing for a thug beside me smelling like sex, alcohol and a hard life. wanting him to roll up behind me and wrap me in his tatted up arms, sweat beginning to form on his tatted up chest as he whispers into my thighs, with that sexy growl thugs seem to have ' i want to fuck you '

as eve says

i only take em thugged out/slighty bugged out/fuck with his tongue out/know the job ain't gettin done/till the body's gettin drug out/hot boy/keep me right/play your part/i'll keep it tight/where else you gonna be in the middle of night/but up in the sheets with me iight/gangsta/ true to your gang/street master/you the one i need when there's beef street blaster/aint afraid to stop a cat/plus pop a cat/soldier. cash. money. rule your world/what's topping that/ s-430 keep me on my toes/get a tingle in my spine/my spot only he knows.... (that was completely from memory).

when those moments of intense longing for a rough arm creep up on me, i play this song, smile at the next thug i see, contemplate giving him my number, and i sashay away, because i remember i passed that stage in my life a long time ago.

.kisses.

Missy Elliot feat. Nas & Eve - Hot boys
by dinidin

OMG another award, thank you!

2009-11-05T00:55:00.006-05:00

i'm totally flattered that i recieved the honest scrap award again. it was given to me by ms plume, who has a crazy ability to make me wet, thank you lady .kisses.

so here we go again....

the honest scrap award rules:

1. present the award to seven bloggers whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design or who have encouraged you.

2. tell those seven people that you have given them the Honest Scrap Award.

3. share ten honest things about yourself.

i nominate

:: lucci
:: starz

:: came

:: pashun

:: nikki

:: secretia

:: eddie

10 (more) honest things about me

:: people easily annoy me. i have very little patience.

:: i feel sexiest in cute panties and a wife beater.

:: i walk around my house in high heels.

:: i've had chronic insomnia since i was 14.

:: i love to laugh.

:: people always ask me if i am younger than i am.

:: i love zombie movies

:: i have an addiction to sunglasses

:: i love to taste myself

:: when people pick their nose in their cars, i glare at them with a look of utter disgust. i glare until they see me glaring.

.kisses.

nablopomo: i just want to be successful

2009-11-04T22:49:00.005-05:00

a young boy sits on his stoop which overlooks the crowded street. not only crowded with people, and cars but it's crowded with dreams, egos, and faded memories.

images of silver and gold dances in his mind controlled by the buttons he pushes everyday at 5pm... i BET he sees cars, and flashy lights, sneaks fresh and clean bought with money he doesn't know how to work for, and women, beautiful as the day they were born as hoes, dancing along to the music which causes the chains to swing around necks below mouths spitting poisonous philosophies of greed.

that beautiful little boy thinks to himself. i want it all. what all is. he doesn't know, he can barely read or write, but he can jerk his ass of.

and jerk he does, jerks to the beats which fill his head and steals his mind. jerks his arms to take, incapable though of giving back. jerks his mamas heart as his focus goes from the power within to the power in man.

the whole time thinking. i want it all.

the first time i heard this song, i saw that little boy and it made me sad. don't get me wrong i love this song, it gets me hella emotional, and when it comes on the radio i turn it up, but it reminds me to look at my own definitions of success and it encourages me to teach the future what it means to be truly successful.

.kisses.

dark dreams and dark desires

2009-11-04T12:04:00.004-05:00

i recently saw 'law abiding citizen' starring gerrard butler and jaime fox. and it is an amazing movie. for the blood thirsty chick in me, dismemberment, and bombs does me good. the higher the body count the more i am satisfied. but i think i got too much satisfaction out of it. because when poetry guy and i walked out into the sunshine i said this.

"what he did makes complete sense to me"

and i wasn't even lying. for those of you that have not seen it, and intend to, leave now *spolier alert*. he (gerrard) was so black and white in what he did, and as twisted as it is, i could see his point. when his family was brutally murdered he was wronged by the justice system, and he wanted to teach it a lesson, kill everyone involved with the case. as simple as that. mind you, his point took the lead over his common sense in the end which is why his ass got napalmed, but he had a point nonetheless.

and it got me thinking, could i be as cold blooded as him? my mind is already quite black and white with very little room for the gray, and i pride myself on being able to shut off all feelings when needed to.

i watch a lot of crime drama, gruesome physcological films, and i am obsessed with true crime novels. i have gotten so used to the bloodbath, that i've always had fanstasies of taking a life. not out of anger, or self defense, but simply just to see what it felt like. (can you tell i watch too much tv). the thought of watching someone's life leave their body does not turn me on but it sparks my curiousity.

gerrard's character was always a killing machine, working as a spy killing those that could not be killed, but when his family was murdered, he friggin snapped, and literally shut down the city due to his murderous rampage. he racked up serious bodies. i'm not sure however what it will take me to kill someone.

how far do i need to be pushed? what's my breaking point?

should i even ponder it, especially in my dreams, and dark desires? at night i'm allowed to envision the blood and the fear, but in the light that's clearly not allowed. and that really is a good thing, because i'm not planning on taking a life, and the thought that i may be capable of it scares the shit out of me. why? because i'm the one always postive, always laughing, always willing to help those who need it. i love everyone, even those who are deemed unloveable, and i think no one deserves to have their life taken away by murder. but when the sunsets, and i settle in my bed, my mind wanders........

*i believe being honest, is being honest, even with the ugly, dutty parts of who you are, and this is pondered in all honesty.*

.kisses.

Awards are wicked! i nominate...

2009-11-03T23:51:00.009-05:00

not only am i at 30 followers (i don't count...lol), which is amazing to me, but today Eury @ the social carnivore awarded me with the 'honest scrap award' (blushing). Thank-you very much! thank-you for thinking me worthy, and thank you to everyone who sincerely follows me and takes the time to kiss me with your comments.

the honest scrap award rules:

1. present the award to seven bloggers whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design or who have encouraged you.
2. tell those seven people that you have given them the Honest Scrap Award.
3. share ten honest things about yourself.

i nominate :: da kween :: sexual xtacee :: my downlow life :: journey :: passion.fruit :: the soaring impulse :: lost verses i think all of you bloggers are wicked. i love reading you all.

10 honest things about me

1. i love smelling babies feet.

2. i love when people ask me questions.

3. i sometimes wish i had no morals and could sleep with whoever i wanted.

4. i think grown people with braces are extremly sexy.

5. i'm scared of dying a horrible death (i watch too much t.v).

6. i dance like a stripper.

7. i chew my tongue when i am concentrating.

8. i believe in fairytale loves, and white knights.

9. i suck horribly at math. if it was a man, i would casterate it.

10. i love to fall asleep in the shower.

.kisses.

nablopomo: my virgin ass never stood a chance.

2009-11-03T23:22:00.004-05:00

i was 15. he was 18.
tall nigerian light skinned brother, beautiful african slanted eyes.

my virgin ass never stood a chance.

he wooed me that day he walked into my high school, chopped me in the stairwell, it was lust at first sight. he took me back to his friends basement apartment that day (yup i skipped school). my best friend at the time, telling me to go with him. and i couldn't even pronounce his name.

my virgin ass never stood a chance.

he picked me up from school every friday after we met. i thought i was the shit, walking out of school to see my man prince a. weak chicks looking at me swinging my hips into his car.

my virgin ass never stood a chance.

he tried to put it in one day, a few months after we met. i was small and tight. we had 'technical difficulties'. i said no. but he didn't care. he wanted to take me. and secretly i wanted him to.
i let him try again the next friday. he dug the hell out of me, i tore, i bled and i loved it.
i never said no anymore. i became his sex toy. he turned me into a sex freak, i owe who i am to him.

my virgin ass never stood a chance.

this was what i lost my virginity to.

.kisses.

one minute writer: nervous habits.

2009-11-03T10:04:00.004-05:00

i don't do this often, only when i see a writing prompt that interests me, and this one hits very close to home so here goes.

what nervous habits do i have? i wouldn't call this a habit but more like a manifestation. one that i hate with a passion, and has made me very shy and afraid of public speaking. i have a speech impediment. when i get nervous (hysterical, pissed off) i may tend to stutter severly. which is why i think that me going up on stage to perform is an amazing feat i should never take lightly.

my mother said she did not notice my stuttering until i moved to canada at the age of 6. my life turned around drastically after that. i always had friends, and boyfriends and was always popular, but i was teased without mercy being called 'porky pig', (my family still makes fun of me) i used to pray and ask God 'to make me really pretty when i grew up, so no one would care what i sounded like'.

i had speech therapy for 2 years which helped but not really.

as i got older i learned how to control it. now most people can't even tell that i have a speech impediment, i talk very carefully and i have to think about what i need to say before i say it. which is why i find soo much freedom in writing, it literally sets me free from my constraints and betrayels of my speech. once i get comfortable with someone, it becomes more prominant, and to my surprise the men i date actually find it cute, which completely baffles me and makes me wanna gag, because i hate it with an unbelievable passion.

i am afraid for my children, hearing me stutter and thinking it's normal. it's a hard thing to live with, and it does a number on your self esteem, yeah i can hide it well, but i cringe alot inside when i talk. i'm shy, yet very outgoing, i smile alot, laugh alot, and i'm hella of a flirt, but not a moment goes by in which i think about not saying words with s', r's, and w's.

next time you want to make fun of someone who stutters. don't.

.kisses.

p.s. no i don't stutter during sex....LOL

nablopomo: a dutty dutty dutty love

2009-11-02T23:29:00.005-05:00

yay, my first nablopomo posting. here goes...

this song reminds me of someone i will call skinny jeans. (in fact many songs remind me of skinny jeans). i met skinny jeans the day he came from jamdown, and it was definite sparks at first sight. he was the only freshie i ever liked, and he was a sweetheart to boot. but i had a boyfriend wtih whom i was madly in love with, so skinny jeans never made it very far with me, despite his pleas in the sexiest voice filled with the sweet rollings of patois.

the fleeting moment he kissed me, it was like i was standing on the highest peak at dunns river falls with the hot tropical sun beating on my face. it wasn't love, it wasn't lust, it just was what it was.

when i hear this song, it brings me to place which looks like a dark night club filled with electricity from the movments of bodies holding and grinding on each other. the walls are bleeding with intensity and in the captured silence, in between deep breathes one can hear crickets moaning along. skinny jeans is standing behind me, one hand on my abdomen, stroaking what i want to be my kitty. i am slowly whining on him as he breathes and nibbles on my ear, his jamaican bred goodies finding a place in between the crack of my jamaican blooded ass.

do i wish something had happened between us, not really. we are good friends up until this day, and i would have it no other way. but there are moments when the air will fill my excitement with this song, and i take that moment to dream.

i will always love this song, and i will always have a special place in my heart for skinny jeans.
.kisses.

nablopomo: the stories behind the head bops.

2009-11-02T22:54:00.005-05:00

typing nervously....

i've decided to join national blog posting month. number one rule: i have to post something everyday for the month of november. sigh....this could be an awesome experience, a means to stretch my writing skills, and a fun read, if not for you, than for sure for me.

although there is no theme for this month, i am imposing on myself a theme. for all of november i will be posting about my favorite songs and the stories in my life behind them.
but because i have sooo much to say, i will continue to post outside of that, while focusing on keeping up with my 'obligation' per say.

if any of you have thought about doing it, JUST DO IT. i would especially love da kween to get in on this.

this should be fun.
.kisses.

i wanted to be a nudist when i was younger...

2009-11-02T22:14:00.004-05:00

i creeped this on the social carnivore, and i couldn't resist.

1. What time did you wake up this morning? 7:30 am

2. How do you like your steak? i don't really eat steak, so i don't know.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Law Abiding Citizen: amazing wicked movie!

4. What is your favorite TV show? Criminal Minds, Bones, The Office, American Justice

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? somewhere nice and hot with free health care.

6. What did you have for breakfast? 2 eggs, toast, and milk tea (my childhood concoction)

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Chinese

8. What foods do you dislike? Sushi... soo dutty

9. Favorite place to eat? My bedroom

10. Favorite dressing? Ranch, on like everything.... well not really everything..lol. on pizza for sure.

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? '94 honda accord. my bluebell.

12. What are your favorite clothes? i don't like clothes.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Germany

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? 1/2 full.

15. Where would you want to retire? somewhere hot with free health care.

16. Favorite time of day? The time that i'm writing, sleeping, or having sex.

17. Where were you born? Kingston, Ja.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Basketball

19. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? everyone.

20. Bird watcher? what the hell?

21. Are you a morning person or a night person? night person, i have chronic insomnia.

22. Do you have any pets? yup. 9 garden snails.

23. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? i had a bacon deluxe at wendy's on friday, and it was delish ;)

24. What did you want to be when you were little? A nudist.

25. What is your best childhood memory? hiding under the bed with dwayne during hurricane Gilbert. we played trucks. i think he touched me.

26. Are you a cat or dog person? both

27. Are you married? Nope.

28. Always wear your seat belt? not if i'm in the back seat.

29. Been in a car accident? Yup, a few. not always me driving.

30. Any pet peeves? bad breath, people who aren't true to themselves, having to explain myself, two faced people, short skirts and boots in the summer time (wtf)..... (too many to list)

31. Favorite Pizza Toppings? cheese and pineapple

32. Favorite Flower? the ones on white birthday cakes.

33. Favorite ice cream? cookies and cream

34. Favorite fast food restaurant? wendy's

35. How many times did you fail your driver's test? lol... which one?

36. From whom did you get your last email? the college i attend.

37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? am i an idiot? nope!

38. Do anything spontaneous lately? i stopped myself just... in... time

39. Like your job? if i was paid to sleep and write all day, and preform my poetry then i would say yes!

38. Broccoli? yes.

41. What was your favorite vacation? going to jamdown.

42. Last person you went out to dinner with? if you count french toast at midnight at denny's then young one. if not. then koreon bbq grill with poetry guy.

43. What are you listening to right now? my t.v.

44. What is your favorite color? hot pink.

46. How many are you tagging for this quiz? everyone. i want to creep everyone's answers..lol

47. What time did you finish this quiz? 10:30pm

48. Coffee drinker? ewww dutty.

your turn. yep YOU!
.kisses.

another dose

2009-11-02T14:52:00.006-05:00

i'm a queen and deserve to be treated as one.

court jesters and peasants need not apply.

.kisses.

confessions of a webcam whore: that's not what i want

2009-11-02T09:33:00.003-05:00

i've become obsessed with my webcam. i'm not new to it by any means, a freak like me utilizies the tools, but now it's turned into a monster...per say.

i decided to be more aggressive with what i wanted and what i wanted to see, and i wanted this experience to be different than the one i had with the bus driver, who by the way freaked out that i had posted our little tryst. we had some words and i said good bye, deleted him from my contacts and my phone. he still tries to get me back on, and get me off. i tell him to go call his girlfriend...lol.

anyways, where was i? oh yes, here's a snippet of what transpired.

"i hear you mama, so wat chu doin now, should i go to wal-mart get a cam
and we play show and tell?"
"no, you can get a webcam so i can see u jack off"

this must have made his day, because he has been trying to get me in his bed for a few years . i've never been interested in sleeping with him, so what possessed me to use him like this i don't know. and frankly i don't really care.

"y don't u jus cum watch in person n i watch u?"

see what i mean? lol.

"i wanna see you jack off on webcam. i wanna be a silent voyeur"
"oh yeah wat will dat do 4 u?"
"it will turn me on"
"am i gonna watch u 2?"
"nope.... that's the beauty of it"
"so what am i gonna get? i need sumthin 2 get all turned on n in da mood"
"what do you normally use?"
"a female, sum kinda stimulant c sum pumpum imma go get da cam, sho me ur pumpum on urs n that should work"

it baffeled me that someone averagely creative (he's trying to be a rapper), can't use his imagination to jerk off. i was becoming unimpressed quite quickly.

"lol.... no. that's not what i want"

i wasn't really laughing, i was more annoyed with his fingers sending messages to my phone.

"i am tryin 2 make it work in ur favour u gotta help me"
"i know what works in my favour..... i want to watch you..... not the other way around"

why am i continuing to explain myself? i'm using you for my own sexual pleasure, don't ask me any questions, just do what i asked for...shit man.

"i'm not sayin watch u, i need u 2 send sumthin or sho sumthin i can go off of"
"sigh"

sighing because, what the hell? you've jacked off before, just do it already. i've dried up and i don't even want to see ur umnimpressive dick anymore.

all of that for some hood, and to tell you the truth when he did jack off for me (after showing him some titi to shut up his whining) it was soo boring i found myself switching back and forth from different windows. cleveland indian, you had your chance and you failed miserably.

on second thought maybe i was too harsh on him, too cold too calculating. maybe i should be more nuturing, and not see him as a sexual object. but for someone who claims to 'know' how to please a woman, i wasn't too pleased.

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-11-01T03:43:00.003-05:00

: you gonna cum over and play?

: i'm sorry...cause i don't like the way i've been treating you.

: i will tell u something else that is to be taken as a compliment, i miss your big mouth.

: no, it's always 3 am in the morning for you that these questions hit your head, no wonder why all your best works were late at nite.

:*) look at that, u managed to make a dark skinned guy blush.

: i think i miss you. "no, no you don't"

: missssy! i feel like i haven't spoken to you in years.

: i thought you would enjoy that... when your ready we can go get one (a baby)...lol..."omg your such a (perv)"... is pretty much what you'd say, and i'd say "i know, thank you"...lol.

: ... ur like a man, you think bout sex like every 3 seconds.

: so when you gonna cum lay with me?

.kisses.

back to my roots.... mr. goudas

2009-10-31T20:14:00.006-04:00

after much deliberation, i have decided to give up my vegetarian lifestyle. it's only been a year and a few months and as much as i loved every minute of it, i realized it was doing me more harm than good.

'yeah finally my prayers have been answered... so when do we go out to eat red meat'

going into this my doctor told me it was not a wise choice seeing that i have anemia (very very very low iron), and i thought to myself 'i can handle it', i did my research, and was completely gung ho, making the change not out of conviction, or pictures of slaughtered animals, but simply i had wanted a change.

but a lot has changed in a year and a few months, i have stopped cooking for myself which means that my healthy meals, and important supplements were not being eaten. i became very fatigued in my body and sluggish in my mind, despite keeping active and semi working out, i lost my (well paying job), and just an FYI maintaining a vegetarian lifestyle quite expensive, not to mention limiting.

@ Willy's Jerk 'no, no veggie dinners'.

going out to eat is always a challenge, and i sometimes felt bad being the picky girl, or the girl who ruined dinner plans because ' i'm sorry, i can't eat there'. my mom, from the beginning didn't really mind cooking meals for me, but granted it was challenging attending to my dietary needs as well as her family's...lol... when i told her, she was sooo happy.

is this regression permanent? i don't think so. i may go back once my body goes back to normal, and i start working again, but for now i am looking forward to my white rice and bully beef dinners.

.kisses.

2009-10-30T17:40:00.004-04:00

i'm feeling very horny today. reels of fantasies and dreams assault my sleep, and i want to touch myself again and agian and again. the smooth ride i gave myself earlier was nice, but ohhh i'm fiending for a flick against my clit. i'm craving (asl class) a hard dick, a bumpy ride and nice slowww whine. to be really honest i just need to get **laid***.

i even had a dream about being the other woman, much to Red's delight. read about it here. and it was such a juicy dream, him giving it to me in the back of his car, me holding on to his baby girls carseat. i woke up wet and ready to caress, but i held off.

"...you're like a man, u think bout sex like every 3 seconds" poetry guy... so yummy.

flicking through my phone i land on a pic that the cleveland indian sent me of his dick.... a few minutes and i come to the conculsion that i am unimpressed. however not before i think about taking him up on his offer " friends with benefits", except he has feelings for me, and undoubtdly would try to win my heart by rocking my world.

sigh, what's a horny freak to do? finger myself all day? for now i'll keep dreaming.

damn i miss Smooth.

.kisses.

2009-10-30T12:09:00.006-04:00

i feel like i haven't blogged in forever.... here's something i found in a mag and i had to take a picture of it.

we are all unique and incomparable, no two people are alike, and i'm in love with that.

continue to be your amazing selves.

.kisses.

i thought i told ya....

2009-10-30T08:17:00.006-04:00

it's funny. as creative as i am, i am a very technical thinker. very black and white (which annoys the hell out of some people)

*this morning as i was driving home, it began to rain, well sprinkle really, and it sprinkled what looked like stars on my windshield, and it reminded me of a thought i had a few months ago.*

i hate when people tell me things, just to make me feel better. our culture, and our society are full of little sayings that achieve that 'feel better' feeling.

'you can touch the sky'
'reach for the stars'
'the sky is the limit'

but really....contemplation brought me to this end: no matter how hard i try, i will never physically touch a star.

why is that in order to describe potential we use the physically impossible. granted these sayings may inspire someone, but have we ever stopped to think that it may not. telling someone they can do what they really can't do is not encouraging at all, because when the motivational high has wore off, and the high fives have all gone around, we are left with people trying to grab a piece of the blue falling off roof tops and office buildings, and failing each time. failure becomes the end result and our little sayings are shot to hell.

i want you to tell me what i can do. help me to see my potential is for something great. everyone has potential to be something great, no one is lacking, we are all so different and unique and i believe that we are not all accidentally here, but there is such a greater purpose to our lives.

but do not tell me that i can be whatever i put my mind to, loose screws will lay in a field barking like a dog intent on growing fur.

what i'm saying is realism doesn't always stop my dreams, it may help me see things clearer. reaching for the sky just gives me rain clouds and pollution, but reaching for the greatness inside will propel me to be all that i can truly be. a star..... shining when everything around me is dark. shining with purpose, and intelligence. shining with ambition, motivated by the other stars shining around me. shining simply because that is what i do. why reach for one when i have the potential to be like one. bright, boasty, and there for all to see.

imma star.
.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-10-26T14:04:00.003-04:00

: baby, i told you, do me, lemme make some sense of you.

: words fill my mouth..becoming real to me, video is deep, like it just your voice, good for you!

:... you know what, if i did get you at that time, you would have been my first love.

: please tell me why i'm watching some judge show, and there's black people there suing their bredren for a stolen ipod, and they're all hefty.

: Wow, they're talking about stealing foodstamps from each other LOL!!!! this has gotta be the best judge show ever wow!! Lol

: how come you don't sex me sorry i mean text.

: oh woman

: you were on my mind for a minute so im sayin wassup, don't want anything tho, jus sayin hi lol that was soooo gay, later.

: Wow, so i guess you erased my number? don't know why tho. and yea it's me.

.kisses.

2009-10-25T09:49:00.004-04:00

do men ever forget?

what i felt like
what i tasted like
the way my ass bounced on the bed
the way it felt in between their teeth
the way i moaned at the first entry, eyes rolled back, nails leaving marks on their back
the way i made them feel good. i made them feel like men.
the way i talked to them and soothed their emotions after a long hard day.
the way i held their hand so their boys can see what they got.

why is it that when my life is going good, the men from my past always want to 'catch up'. clearly i've moved on if i am not the one calling you. now i must admit, there have been a few that have really made an impact on my life, and consequently have been hard to let go, but i've done it, i've moved on, kicking and screaming maybe, but i've moved on....

now i'm not trying to toot my own horn and declare that i am the shit (even though i am), but it just seems like men always want back in. now being a woman, and a naive one at that, i don't understand why.... is it out of boredom on their part, should i feel flattered or feel like a random number on a list of candidates? i've contemplated changing my phone number, but i never do it, i've had the same number for years, and until i get a bonafide stalker i probably never will.

but no matter what the reasoning for the random phone calls, texts, msn im's, i've moved on....so please do the same.

.kisses.

me in 18

2009-10-21T09:27:00.015-04:00

i saw this on http://technicolor,:tigerlily.blogspot.com/2009/10/this-feels-so-right.html and i loved it, so i decided to give it a try.

:1: MY EX- is still one of the most amazing men i know

:2: MAYBE I SHOULD- kiss her

:3: I LOVE- writing, sleeping and having my clit licked

:4: PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT I'M- a good listener

:5: I DON'T UNDERSTAND-ignorant people

:6: WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING- i want to touch myself, and then go back to bed

:7: I LOST- my innocence, yet i'm still naive

:8: LIFE IS FULL OF- interesting randoms... gotta love the randoms

:9: MY PAST IS- what pushes me towards my future

:10: I GET ANNOYED WHEN- men can't take no for an answer...sooo annoying

:11: PARTIES ARE- sooo unimpressive

:12: I WISH- i was still a virgin

:13: DOGS- must be pissed at human bitches and dogs for giving them a bad rap

:14: CATS- must be laughing at the dogs...lol

:15: TOMORROW- i will sleep in

:16: I HAVE LOW TOLERANCE- for ignorant people

:17: IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS- i would pay of my parents bills, travel the world,

and build a youth home

:18: IM TOTALLY TERRIFIED- of living an unhappy life

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-10-18T02:16:00.005-04:00

:"the course of true love, never did run smooth" - William Shakespeare - simply love has it's ruff patches ups n downs n stuff.

:no, no i LOVE sex not work.

:can i steal something off your blog page and put it on my facebook? lol

:u were superb 2nite ;-) xoxo

:ok, here goes...i did it in the park!!!

:ok. but as your friend and some one who tells you they love you i must be. we have had too many good times on earth not to share it in eternity. love you my friend.

:there is always hope.

:whatever your just acting tuff kool guy, i knew you weren't talking bout me cause if you needed my brief i'd let you borrow it still....

:lolll i'm seeing him this week, he's greek. i will ride him.

.kisses.

lipstick and lube: the other woman

2009-10-16T21:43:00.005-04:00

let me ask you a question. do i have 'the other woman' written on my forehead in lipstick and lube?

'so you want me to be your mistress?'

i met this guy, we'll call him Red. Red was smooth, very smooth. and a really nice guy, with a really nice smile. so me being the me that i am, walked smoothly over to Red and introduced myself.

'no i want you to be on my team. be my confidant...'

Red and i became fast friends, with an obvious sexual attraction breathing like that girlfriend who's always the 3rd wheel. lunchs, emails, we grew close.

'so you want me to be your chick?'

and then Red told me he was 'domesticated'... what the fuck? domesticated?! yes and with a beautiful child at home. at that very moment, my girlfriend became an annoyance and i told her we could no longer be friends.

'...appreciate the fact that i was real with mine'

months have gone by, and while Red and i have remained close, and have gotten closer, that line thick and yellow bears no smudges, no evidence of being crossed.

until he said after many months of me saying no...
'doesn't matter cause you know i still want you'

and the worst part about it.... i actually thought.... 'umm why not?'

hold up, i know why not! as much as i don't know wifey from eve, she's a fellow woman, a sister, someone who is in one or many ways just like me. what would i be saying to go behind a sister's back and be with her man? and aside from that 'karma is a bitch in a red dress' (la.moi).... enough said.

a couple of years ago, i would have thought nothing to be the other woman, i even fantasized about it, *playing devils advocate* there are benefits to being the other woman, one being that the relationship will go nowhere. the man will rarely to never leave his fam for the other woman, and that's what some women want, the freedom of the single life with the affections and perks of a relationship. and when it ends, a clean break (sometimes not so clean though, because someone is bound to catch feelings)

'...i ain't trying to put shackles on your feet'

'i think you should do it, just try it and see'

but i'm not one of those women anymore, i wouldn't feel comfortable knowing my good friend Red is loving on me, while the mother of his child is waiting for him to come home....smelling like me, his tongue tasting like me, his fingers still tracing me, his clothes sex funky.

Red, if you were really my friend, you would cherish me, is that all i am worth to you, the title of the other woman? giving it another name, (chick, girlfriend, ride ot die) will not change the meaning of the word... slut, homewrecker, whore, kept woman.

'not even... we down for life.... you already know i enjoy your company, creativity, and spunk...we goin get it in'

'ummm... why not?'

another dose

2009-10-16T09:46:00.004-04:00

"some people just are not meant to be your friends, and that's okay, it saves more room for those who are." la.moi

.kisses.

here's to bad days

2009-10-16T00:20:00.005-04:00

listless.

i had a bad day today. head down, eyelashes caressing my pillow. my heart is hurting and i'm trying to deal, but all i can do is cry, i hate crying. but that's all i'm doing.

listless.

i hear voices ... one voice, your voice, trying to console me, but it hurts more and i attempt to cut off my ears.

listless.

no words can comfort me, no songs can sing to me, no band aids can hide the wound, no pictures can have enough mumbles.

so listless i am. until i am listless no more.

until then
.kisses.

i make love to words @ acoustic soul

2009-10-14T08:50:00.004-04:00

as i've said before, i am a poet breaking into the world of spoken word, and i've found and fallen in love with this spot called acoustic soul @ trane studio.

the vibe is wicked, soulful and soo full of love and acceptance, you can't help but feed of the energy there. not to mention the host, the man who's labour of love it is (hajile kalaikeaka black lotus) is such a passiontae and humble man, you can't help go back over and over again. smooth tones, groovy live band and wicked music acts everytime, if you guys who live across the border ever come to toronto, make sure you check out this spot... you know you'll see me there ;)

here is my performance, October 13, 2009. first time without the live band backing me (if you've seen my previous vids), hands in my pocket, i was actually very nervous. but i think i did pretty well. kiss me and let me know what you think.

also check out www.myspace.com/blacklotusmedia

.kisses.

website: lamebook

2009-10-13T15:52:00.004-04:00

sooo, in my websurfer mode i came upon this deliciously funny and hilariously pathetic website. for those of us who are facebook addicts (and not ashamed of it) check out http://www.lamebook.com/

launched in April, it's branded as 'the funniest and lamest of facebook'. filled with examples of too much information, nasty break ups and embarassing shout out's to various std's, i can so see myself staying up late at night laughing at the stupidness of the people who surround us.

check it out, laugh, cry and hope you will never see your ass on lamebook.

.kisses.

my week in texts

2009-10-13T02:01:00.007-04:00

:i miss you a lot. i don't know if you feel the same, but that's how i feel.... how's class?:

:... hard as a rock and still waiting.:

:there was a really cool prof here that's a poet and a milk chocolate version of you in 40 yrs.:

:remember irv the white guy from the game? jewish guy with glasses? he's an extra in a car commercial lol funny as hell.:

:fiyahh frigin BUNN!!! why did the blind lady just light up all the sexual deviants a while ago. lol frigin ass funny.:

:you are a fantasy... cause you can't be real.:

:typical trait of an amateur smoker: allowing cigarette ash to fall onto lap unexpectedly while driving.:

:not even... we down for life... U already know i enjoy your company, creativity and spunk... we goin get it in.:

:if i had a nickel everytime i saw someone beautiful as you, i would have 5 cents.:

another dose

2009-10-12T18:11:00.006-04:00

"writing is for imaginations only." la.moi

please don't make me scream at you

2009-10-11T10:28:00.005-04:00

http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/2009/10/todays-writing-prompt-scream.html

what makes me wanna scream? the first thing that came to my mind was fake people. and maybe that's because i am at a point in my life where i am the realest i've ever been. don't get me wrong, i've always been truthful to who i was at any point in my life, i always went big or went home, so in the constant evolving and sometimes revolving of time, the person i am now i have bever seen her before. she is different, from me even. she is a cussin', swearing, sex fiend, writer with an overactive imagination, down to earth-highly maintained lady (to name a few), and i am true to who i am right now.

i say that to say this: i hate fake ass people. be real or do us all a favor and go home. cause no one wants the energy of a two facer around them, that shit drags you down, and sometimes makes you question your own realness. no one should have to live two lives, and i know everyone has excuses as to why they do it 'family.friends.work.school.society.religion'... which are all understandable .... for you... but for me, my mantra on life is 'happiness', and i am worth more than my unhappiness for someone else's happiness. why must i live my life on someone else's terms... hell no. when they are dead and gone, who the hell am i gonna be, when my identity or my truth was wrapped up in them (confused, that's what). be real or do us all a favor and go home.

live.love.laugh.above all.live

la.moi

confessions of a webcam whore: fantasies rn't real honey

2009-10-09T14:22:00.010-04:00

“i want to see u drip, so drip for me”

“my pussi is fkn tired, i don’t know if she can drip anymore”
“come try for me, i want to cum for u”
“she’s sore, got a work out today”
“you played with her today, or ur boy?”
smiling... “yeah, the boy”
“okay, i just want u to do that tongue thing u do while i jerk off, and ur ass clap”
“i feel like such a webcam whore, fk, not cool”
“ur not love, trust me, ur more like my web fantasy”

{i can see you smiling, it's still mesmorizing}
“uh huh, whatever.... fantasies rn’t real honey”

“u make me so hard”
“i should start making ur ass pay me”

“ur body get’s me weak”
...sigh..."i really should”
"let me take you out to dinner"
...sigh..."yeah right, no thanks"
"so this is the only way i'm gonna see you?"
...sigh..."yup"

“show me something love”
“give me a couple minutes”

webcam on, red light, leopard sheets, and my ass clapping for some kinda satisfaction.
feelings of liberation followed with feelings of “what the fk am i doing?”

“ur fking sexy”
smiling, no, i'm laughing.... “i fking know it”

down to earth highly maintained lady part 2

2009-10-07T11:05:00.006-04:00

here we are again, back to being a highly maintained lady. this section of the list is dedicated to my gurl nat who is as insecure as they come, not sure why because she is very funny, and attractive, yet life and men have made her feel different about herself. so nat, (gurl you are the shit) this is for you.

first of all let me clarify why i am intent on referring to myself (and you) as a lady. a woman is just a girl who grew up into an adult, the world is full of women.... however the world is in a major shortage of ladies. many dictionaries describe a lady as : a well mannered and considerate woman with high standards of [proper] behaviour : that's what i believe in, once again not snobbism, because that makes you ugly, so let me describe a lady as this : a woman who is sure of herself before anyone else is, well mannered, well put together, the standard of beauty, knows what she wants, and how to get it, down to earth and highly maintained :

4::: i will always remember that i am the shit. there is no one else like me. no one else has the potential to be beautiful from the inside out like i do. i was born to live a life only i can live. that should give me comfort, but there are some days where i wake up looking like shit, and feeling like it too. should i give up, and allow my emotions to get the better of me, i could, but then my day will end up being shit. i believe that i control my day to an extent, and i with my words can determine my outcome. so when i wake up on those days, hair giving me problems, a pimple on my face, and my tummy looking a little bloated (lol), i look in the mirror, strike a a bad ass pose and tell myself "gurl you are the SHIT!"

having said that, no one can take that knowledge away from you. no man, no jealous women, no one. you are who you are, and you are who you are for a reason. too often we allow our circumstances, and our past experiences to bitch slap us in our face, and mind you not just once, but over and over and over again... when we finally emerge, our face is manipulated and full of bruises, shit, no wonder we can't be confident in who we are. no one else has the power to give us bruises unless we allow them to punch us.... over and over again.

5::: i will always remember that sexy is not in the clothes i wear but it's a mindset. ladies i am soo tired of women thinking that a tight ass pair of jeans (yeast infection worthy), a low top and high heels (they can't walk in) is what sexy is. ask any man and they will tell you that sexy is a mindset, not neccessarily an outfit. ask an self assured lady, and she will say the same thing.
now of course we as women have outfits in which we feel our sexiest, however if we don't come to the knowledge that we as ladies are sexy, the clothes will hold us hostage.

sexy is in how we walk, how we talk, our intelligence and yearning for more knowledge, our creativity, our compassion, our ability to take care of our significant other. our sexy is natural, something we are born with, and since when did you see someone born in a tight ass pair of jeans?

smooth always told me at the most random times (when i'm cotch on the bed, stomach full, and watching a movie) "you know you're sexy right"... poetry guy told me that when i am up there holding the mic, sharing my poetry "you are so sexy", not because of how i am dressed, but because i am confident and able to draw everyone into my space. ladies find your space, own your space, own your natural God-given sexy, and draw everyone into it.

6::: i will always dress to impress. stacy and clinton from tlc's 'what not to wear' have taught me something i will forever hold on to ' don't dress for where you are in life, dress for where you want to be '. once you come to the knowledge that you are the shit, once you own your God-given sexy, you will begin to look like it. ladies, let us step up the sexy, let us leave our houses in such a way that no one can mistake who we are. that doesn't mean a full face of make up (some may prefer that, but i really don't) heels and a pencil skirt at 10am, ( i am sexy in a pair of fav jeans, a fitted tee and wicked flats) it does mean however that we leave our homes looking like we know we are the shit.

::: pleaseeeeee let us comb our hair. this hits home for me especially because i wear my hair in it's natural texture, however that doesn'y give me the excuse to leave my home looking like i have no mother.

::: pleaseeeeee wear your size. OMG. wear your size. if you are a size 9, wear a size 9. keep in mind that size doesn't really matter, fit is everything. but what i'm trying to get at, is wear what fits you. if you are a size 9, you truly have no right squeezing your ass in a size 3, if you are a size 3, why the hell are you wearing a size 9? huh? why the bloody hell? also, not every trend that is thrust our way is for us. know your body, know your body shape, and what looks good on your body. shop around, and don't be afraid to put something down, because everyone else can't wait to scoop it up.

::: pleaseeeeee stop using your face as a coloring book. makeup should be worn to enhance your natural beauty, and to show forth your wicked and unique personality, not to make you look like a damn idiot.

ladies, please remember that we have no control over who we meet once we leave the non-judgemental confines of our homes. we could be bumping into a future boss, a future lover, a future client, sometimes more present than we think, and truss that people remember when you look like crap flung on a wall, people also remember and look up to you when you look like you own your life.

so ladies let us own our lives!

luv la.moi

:::to be continued:::

perfect words - poem

2009-10-06T22:09:00.005-04:00

i hate perfect words, perfect words are what keeps me from baring my soul for what it really is... imperfectly beautiful. perfect words are what stops me from clicking on 'publish post' after the first passionate draft, and what forces me to reread.. erase...edit.. reread.. erase.. edit... you get it. perfection is what we all seem to strive for, even in our rebellion, and our riots, we try to do it perfectly. we write essays, articles and poems declaring our disdain for the socially acceptable, and the yearning to put pen to paper and let the pen do the writing from heart to hand, yet we erase and cross out when the pen crosses a line. but in the end we realize we need perfect words.....

Perfect words are perfect lies disguised by rhymes and catch phrases

failing to catch emotions real and raw,

yet the struggle to write, the struggle to interpret emotions leads to perfect words.

But my emotions aren't perfect, rhyme and reason can't comprehend

emotions that perfectly weave and bend like a crooked road.....

Eraser marks streaks the page in a fight against perfect words,

yet in the end perfect words win, because perfect words can't perfectly word

the turmoil inside, but it perfectly words the struggle to perfectly write.

.kisses.

down to earth highly maintained lady

2009-10-04T12:18:00.004-04:00

ladies it is time for us to step up our game, to bring our sexy to another level, to show up and show the hell off. so in my attempt to raise my own bar, from this day on, i promise to be a down to earth highly maintained lady.

i am 26, and in the midst of finding myself, and oh what a wonderful journey it is. exposing myself to the world of spoken word, and exposing myself to art of socializing, i am doing just that, exposing myself. in the midst of my self discovery i have decided to cement who i am, or rather who i want to be. and i want to be a down to earth highly maintained lady. not neccessarily high maintenace, because that can tend to lead to snobbism, and no matter how pretty you are, once your attitude is ugly there is no hope. but we should be proud to take care of ourselves, and let other people see our fabulousity

i want to be the one who always seems like she has it together, because truthfully the world does not need to know i have crap going on in my life. so here is my list that will help me and my fellow ladies get there.

:::note::: most of the points on this list, i already follow but we are stepping up the sexy, and so i have decided to include them. these are also in no particular order.

1::: i will keep my hands and nails looking good at all time. there is nothing worse than meeting a beautiful woman for the first time and shaking her ugly, unkept hands. chipped nail polish (especially bright or dark colours), uneven and jagged nails, and hairy fingers are not attractive, and definitely can cause your sexy points to plummet. can you imagine me holding and stroaking the mic, sharing a poem about my man stroaking me, and in lust you feast your eyes on my unkept nails and hands. please say no. because i am. lotion, lotion, lotion. dry hands are a huge turn off, and something so small can really say a whole lot about you. lazy, uncommitted etc....

2::: i will keep my feet looking suckable and presentable at all times. yes i love to have my toes sucked, and my feet caressed and rubbed, and which man, wants to suck on feet that can scratch a hardwood floor. please don't tell me yours, because you know that is a lie. pedicures are our friends, and even if we cannot afford regular ones, we are more than capable of up keeping them when we get them. why live life always afraid to take off your shoes, dinner parties at your friends homes should be spent enjoying the night, not continually finding ways to hide your feet. and surprise visits should not have you scrambeling for a pair of socks. keep your feet looking presentable at all times, not only in the winter, because sexy knows no seasons.

3::: i will keep my body smooth. now body hair is a touchy subject, because there are some women who love their hairy armpits, and curly legs, i am not one of them. now i admit there are times when i will allow stubble to grow on my legs from sheer lazyness, but that has to stop. no, armpit hair is not cute, and it also allows the duttyness that is BO to dwell. for those who have significant others, your men do not want to know they may be able to cornrow and bead the hair on your body. please be maintained. if you prefer the coochie to be smooth, up keep that. and if you don't at least shave the area around the lips, because a mouth full of pussy hair is not a good look, nor a good taste or smell for that matter. please remember that hair traps odors. if you have facial hair, take care of it and keep taking care of it, no one will be able to see your potential through a mustache, beard, and ashanti side burns. eyebrows... keep those bad boys plucked, and threaded.

we are ladies for a reason, we are beautiful, we are talented, we are sexy. we are born sexy, we need to show that we are sexy. and how can we do that, by showing up and showing off why we are ladies. down to earth highly maintained ladies.

:::to be continued:::

happy vegetarian day

2009-10-02T10:06:00.004-04:00

happy vegetarian day! ok, so i know i'm a day late, but i had no time to write yesterday.

i became a vegetarian on june 1, 2008, people ask me why i decided to stop eating meat, and my only answer is..... 'just because'. not because meat disgusted me, or because i saw a cow get killed in an inhumane way (i'm jamaican we saw those things all the time), i became a vegetarian because i wanted a change, really and truly as simple as that.

growing up jamaican, i lived on meat. oxtail, curry goat, bully beef, manish water (goat head soup), (yes i said goat head soup), chicken foot soup, meat was a staple, it was an insult to talk about salads and anything green except for callalloo.
yet despite my proud jamaican upbringing, i one day just stopped, and as much as i miss the bully beef and white rice (my fav dish). and the baconater from wendy's, i'm happy with my decision. i must confess in the spirit of honesty that i have fallen off the wagon a few times (count on one hand i promise), in light of that, meat just doesn't do it for me anymore. i actually enjoy making my curry tofu, and stir fry beans and veggie ground beef mix. being a vegetarian has opened up a whole new world of culinary discovery for me, i was already an adventerous eater, but this has made me so much more of one (english?)

i know someone must be thinking to themselves that i am not a real vegetarian because i am not sold out for animal rights, protesting and threatening to burn down a kfc or something, and to that i raise a celery stalk dipped in veggie dip and say 'cheers', because truthfully of all the things to fight about, food is not one of them. food was created to eat and enjoy, whether veggies or meatitarians, love food and hate war. love food... try new foods, stop eating just to shove nutriment in your mouth and actually spend time to savour and enjoy what you eat. i am always trying to entice people to join the meat free community, 'just try it for one week', because even if they go back to the bloodier side of the dish, they will go back with a new appreciation for what they eat.

so to that i say not only happy vegetarian day, but happy food appreciation day.... cheers

luv la.moi

how to talk so he'll listen ::: article msn.com

2009-09-30T08:57:00.004-04:00

Take our communication advice and you'll never — we repeat, never — get tuned out by your man again.

By Elise Nersesian, "Women's Health"

Ever notice how even the nicest guy can act like an insensitive dolt when you're trying to convey something important — your fear of being fired, that you're drifting apart from your best friend, even how bummed you are that the two of you have hit a sexual dry spell?
It's not that he doesn't care — really it isn't — it's just that men process information much differently than women, and as a result, your words often get lost in translation. But don't stress, the solution is simple: Learn how to speak his language. We've got great tips.

1. Talk side-by-side. If you're broaching a potentially sticky subject (stuff like your wanting to get married, or his partying too much), avoid a face-to-face conversation. "Although it seems counterintuitive, insisting on eye contact while hashing out an issue can actually make the problem worse," says Scott Haltzman, M. D., co-author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. Looking him directly in the eye can make him feel threatened — and when confronted, men instinctively kick into survival mode, triggering a fight-or-flight response. To put him at ease, talk to him while you're doing something side by side — walking, driving, eating dinner together on the sofa.

2. Cut to the chase. According to a study recently published in the journal NeuroImage, the male brain interprets men's voices as speech and women's voices as music. That's why he can easily focus when one of his buddies drones on about some lame computer game, yet has to work overtime to concentrate on your nightmare-of-a boss tale. To ensure that he hangs on your every word, make your point as quickly as possible. "Men want to get to the bare bones of the matter," Haltzman says. "So grab his attention by using direct statements such as 'Here's why I'm upset' or 'The bottom line is this.'"

3. Let him know you need to vent. When you're telling your guy about your backstabbing best friend and he looks confused, it's not because you're not explaining yourself clearly or he's slow on the uptake. Biological differences make men innate problem solvers; the furrowed brow indicates that his mind is scrambling to find a solution.
"When a woman presents a man with a dilemma, he interprets this as a request to fix her problem, not to simply listen," Haltzman says. Clue him in by letting him know what you need before you make your point. Try prefacing your story with "I just really need to get this off my chest." By telling him what you expect up front, he'll know what to do and be able to give you what you really want: his ear.

4. Stroke his ego. If it seems like every time you ask him for a favor your words go in one ear and out the other, you may need to butter him up more. Men are brimming with testosterone, which makes them competitive, and compliments help them feel important and superior. Let's say he never hangs out with your friends. Feed his ego by saying something like "You're so funny! Actually, my friends could use some cheering up. Can you come out with us tonight?" The positive reinforcement will challenge him to rise to the occasion, and the vote of confidence will make him feel needed.

or you could just play him this song.
luv la.moi

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlewh.aspx?cp-documentid=21740583#atoolb

to bella

2009-09-30T01:02:00.006-04:00

http://oneminutewriter.blogspot.com/2009/09/todays-writing-prompt-connection.html

there are few times in one's life where randomly, inexplicably we fall in love. i'm talking about connection, about meeting someone and just loving them. it's quite saddening that good friends are hard to come by, but whenever the stars align and and two smiles meet, an amazing friendship can be born.

a few years ago, i was working at a well known clothing store and this gorgeous girl, now a woman walked in, recently hired she was nice, sweet and very funny, and i fell in love with her. we hit it off that first day, laughing like a pair of idioits in the back room while i was 'training' her. days, turned into weeks, and we talked about everything under the sun. i became one with her life as she kept me posted on her boyfriend problems, and family woes. months became years, and the memories became real as we talked, and talked and shared some more. upon her leaving the store, i felt as if i had lost a piece of me. but she surprised me and we kept in touch, i became an honory sri lankan as her mom fed me, her dad taught me their history, and i doned a sari to her brother's wedding. and although time sometimes seperated us, with one phone call, nothing seems to have changed.

i nicknamed her bella, because to me, she with her foul mouth, alcholic ways, and willingness to talk, she is truly beautiful.

i saw her on friday, after a few months and it was great being in her presence once again. it was such a good feeling knowing that, as usual we were loud and obnoxious, and surely aggravated someone with our laughing. and as usual we didn't care. at the close of the night, we had one of our most intimate moments, she with her earl grey and me sipping honey lemon, we sat in my car and had a hollywood dragg. " omg, i never thought i would be doing this with lamoi " i laughed.

bella, you are one of my closest friends, and i will always love and appreciate our friendship (no homo).

luv la.moi

i.life shuffle

2009-09-29T13:32:00.006-04:00

i am a chronic ipod shuffler (that by the way is my ipod on my bed...hot ingrid).

in my r&b groove song list i have only 407 songs, of which i may only listen to 107 well known, well loved songs by me. (as you can see it's on fantasia barrino. truth is... which i do not listen to.) i'll start my day, or my car ride by plugging it in, and routinely skip over the songs i don't know or really don't like and loudly singing (and dancing) to the songs i do know. yet of late i have made a pact with my evolution to listen to every song that plays, regardless of whether or not it's one i want to hear, and the results have been very pleasing. i have found so many songs that i now deem new favs, like sex 4 sugar.common, ego trippin. mya, and many more.

as i was driving home from school last night, rediscovering my love for music the thought hit me.
what if like an ipod we could shuffle life. skip over the undesireable situations, replay the moments we love the most, sometimes all night long (lol... if you know what i mean). and for those cirumstances we wish have never happened we could just hit delete, or uncheck to unsync. wouldn't life be incredibly grand? or would it? would we be satisfied living life on our terms?

similar to my rediscovery of my love for music, that thought helped me rediscover my love and appreciation for life. it reminded me that it's often in the hard, undesireable times of life where we are able to find our fav moments. okay, maybe 'fav' was pushing it .... our defining moments. the moments in which we stand back, look horribly puzzled and realize that 'this is life', the times we found our strength, our voice, our will to stand, stay, or simply walk away. our loves, our hates, and our tolerates...lol. and more importantly who we are, cause as poetry guy put it last night, "those are the things that have made you who you are."

life, as with music was made to discover and to enjoy. songs that meant nothing to us yesterday, could be the anthem of our tomorrow... as with life. we go through crap today, so we are able to smile, laugh, and dance tomorrow, while bopping our knowledge to the songs that helped us get through it all.

i thank hot ingrid, for helping me contemplate life in a new way. i am on a journey of discovery, and life via music (unshuffled) will no doubt help me get there.

here in one of my new favs....

luv la.moi.... live.laugh.love.but above all.live.

from severence pay to life golden

2009-09-28T15:22:00.008-04:00

life sure is funny when you really sit down and think about it. i've begun to say that life sometimes makes a fool of you. but when life gives you lemons, make lemon cake (kb).

today i went by my now former work place to sign my severence papers and to return my keycard. on the way there, i found myself mentally preparing for the ordeal. i kept thinking to myself ' i don't want to see anyone (other than my gurl obomanique) ', not because i was ashamed of being let go, but i just wanted to get done what had to get done... sever. close that chapter and move the hell on. i had given them one year and 8 months of my life, and now that that chapter was closed, i wanted to sever myself and start over.

walking into the building i felt all percieved anxiety flee, i felt so good, and so free, like i didn't care who i saw or who saw me, i was literally soaring on my butterfly wings. paper work done, i said my goodbyes to mel & ina in hr, chatted with obomanique & prissy and i soared out those doors. what a breath of fresh air to be severed. it's not as painful as one might think, to be severed.

we should sever more often. have a time of severence in which we evaluate the circumstances, and situations in our life, where we look at the people who occupy our time and weigh their benefits, and we should sever. begin with a clean slate. live our life burden free.
we should love it when life forces us to sever, and soar out on golden butterfly wings. for life is a journey, and along the way we have to leave the crap and continue on with the valuables. like values, excellent friends, good education, beneficial circumstances, and wicked self esteem, anything else...crap and shit, needs to be dumped in the ditch they rolled out of.

i will practice routine severence, and when i rise better than i was, my payment will come. and those named crap and shit will see me living my life like it's golden. cause i'm worth more than your shit stains.

luv la.moi

ego trippin ::: mya

2009-09-27T21:03:00.004-04:00

babe i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings, but you have to understand where i am coming from. you say my words hurt your feelings, well your words hurt my feelings too, going with flow isn't so easy... let's just kiss up and makeup okay... that is what we do best afterall.

one of my fav songs... this song is for you... enjoy.

black people love us

2009-09-26T09:15:00.003-04:00

i was web browsing today, and found this random website that i have fallen in love with.

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/index.html

it is such a funny but true look at the relationships, well i should say the percieved relationships between white people and black people. anyways draw your own conclusions, but laugh while doing so.

luv la.moi

honesty

2009-09-26T00:02:00.004-04:00

honestly, i'm not a very honest person. from my youth i have perfected the art of lying, so much so that it even scares me how good i am at it. lying is my weakness (lying and men, but that's a different story). i have become so aware of my lying skills, that i live each day conciously trying not tell a lie, and that shit is hard. i have never realized how easy it is to let a lie slip out between my lips. i mean hella easy.

in the midst of my commitment to honesty, i have never wanted to be so honest in my life as i do now, it's funny, how we desire the strangest things at the most random times.

i want to be honest, and a big reason for that is i want my writings, my poetry, and my life to be as honest as possible. i am so fed up with feeling like i have to hide my true feelings, my true desires, my true self just because it will make someone feel uncomfortable. that someone mainly being me. i need to be uncomfortable if i am going to grow, if i am going to live anti-stagnant i need to expose my skeltetons, put some flesh on them and let them breathe. because decepetion begets complacency, and i'm standing up shouting 'bun that'.

butterflies don't lie, no matter where they are, and what situations they find themselves in, their true colors always shines through, they always fly, and never hide their wings. i can no longer hide my wings either.

so here is my renewed commitment to honesty. honesty to myself, and to the world.

" so, i think your gorgeous "

2009-09-25T09:21:00.004-04:00

it's funny how life and dare i say fate, turns on you. flips you the bird and laughs at you.

on wednesday i found out that i had been laid off from my job at a well known Insurance Co. OMG.... i sat on my bed in disbelief as my manager told me i was being terminated effective today.... and then i cried. not tears of pain, and anger, because i was expecting it, but tears of sadness because i would miss the few people i enjoyed working with. in the midst of my tears, i thought ' this is the worst time ever right now ', as i was just starting to go back to school, and planning on moving out next year. i was just starting to find myself. at 26 i am starting to find myself.

just a few hours after a wicked night of music and poetry, in which i shared a part of my soul, and got amazing feedback, i was told that i was being terminated. i must confess my first reaction was to curl up my butterfly wings and force myself back into my coccoon, but than i remembered what a very nice guy said to me as he waited (not so patiently) to talk to me during intermission..." so, i think your gorgeous ".

and then i cried tears of joy. amd i thank KW for terminating me, because now i can really find myself. at 26 i can really find myself. i can go after what i want, and do what i want. i am gorgeous, not only physically, but my light shines brightly from the inside and that's what is important to me.

that same night, E! told me i reminded him of a butterfly.... and like the butterfly, i will fly through the pollution, i will not conform, but i will adapt. this is survival of the fittest, and i have been working out my wings. i will fly around the middle fingers of life, and turn laughs into ohh's and awe's. and even in the darkness my bright ass colors will shine through. because i am 26, gorgeous and finding myself.

i am a butterfly, no longer having caterpillar dreams, but flexing my wings... la.moi to the world.

hollywood draggin @ acoustic soul

2009-09-23T12:03:00.002-04:00

acoustic soul @ trane studio, sept 22 09. once again a wicked time, i love being surrounded by talented people, people who conquer fear (or at least pretend to), to share with us what they do... take from me, it's not easy to be up there, but i/we do it for the love of the art.

sex 4 sugar:::common

2009-09-18T18:00:00.001-04:00

high hopes..?

2009-09-17T15:30:00.002-04:00

it's funny, i started this blog with such high hopes of being curled up on my bed, chaos around me, yet locked into the serentity that is sharing. i was looking forward to sharing every intimate and random detail of my life, but alas, i've fallen off my bed and my fingers feel broken.

broken by fear, broken by expectations, broken by people that i know, but that don't know me... you know, i mean really know me.

broken by the need to lie cause the truth will be too painful to hear.....

i thought that writing was my bandaid. but writing seems to get me in trouble cause i don't want to answer questions of 'who was that about', or 'what did that mean', 'why did you write that'... you know why, cause i did damn it. if i want to share the meanings of my words than i will, but until then please ask me NO questions.

just let me write. let me breathe unrestricted, no more fingers squeezing my inhale, no more hands blocking my exhale. just let me breatheeeee.

so as i sit curled on my bed, as the chaos rides my back, please allow me to find the serenity that is sharing. cause i want to share with you.

luv la.moi

love & hate - poem

2009-09-12T22:23:00.005-04:00

Love and hate lies together in my bed
Entangled deeply with each other
evocative of empowered seduction
I am the in between
Caught in the middle
In Between fabled arms and legs
Shapely fingers dance simultaneously
Seeking caresses yet finding pain,
in the shadows of the darkened sun
I am the drifting sounds of the lonely winds they dance to.

Words fighting words, biting words
become groans, moans, inaudible oohh’s
as my body caught in between becomes a casualty
in between teeth baring stained with red
dripping red i catch the red and become the red
i am the a’s and’s the’s of deciteful whispers,
Snatches caught by the wind
Are carried outside and echoed
In between the heavens and earth
Carried in between the seducing
Limbs of trees captivating innocent gazes, violating innocence

I am filled with wonder
This divergence of black and light
I am astounded, speechless,
Yet i stay in between
My white flag weakly billowing amidst the hot stench
Of emotional cessation
Caught in between the ebbing sensations of heart and mind,
body and soul
love and hate, spent, merge within me
And become the same within me

As the sun rises to greet me, it finds my bed empty
Curled in the between white sheets is just me
and
I
am
indifference.

.kisses.

kiss.the.pen

update....

one last kiss....

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today is the day for great sex

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OMG another award, thank you!

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website: lamebook

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more awards blushing